How can I tell my child their older sibling died before they were born?

In our early childhood, we become aware that everyone, including us, goes through all the stages of life, and that at some point we are going to become adults. Connecting the dots and understanding what death is though, is another problem. I think that this is a complicated subject, but should be treated with just as much honesty as the question "where do babies come from". A healthy way to look at life involves understanding (as much as humanly possible) the main questions - where do we come from and where do we go. Giving a child this information is sensitive to tackle. I assume all children are interested around the age of 5 or 6 about how they came into the world, but they only wonder (early in life) about what happens when you die if they experience or witness someone's death. This is sensitive information and it's up to the parents when they want to tackle the subject. If the child is very young, I assume a good approach would be similar as the approach to the other question of where babies come from. An honest story is best, but using words and images that they can understand and cope with, without being too graphic, is in my opinion a good way to go about it. If the parents decide to share the information with their child when they get older, they probably expect two other questions - why they didn't know about it earlier when everyone else knew and if they were an emotional replacement for the lost child. Establishing trust and explaining in detail why you were not ready to disclose this earlier is a priority, just as much as assuring the child that they are treated as individuals and that they did not come into the world to fill their sibling's shoes. For a young child though, I would try and explain death (as much as anyone can understand it, which is probably according to my own values and culture) and then tell them about the lost sibling in a calm way. Remember that children mirror their parent's emotions. Death is after all part of life, and you do not want them to see you terrified. Treating it like a natural aspect of our existence is, I suppose, a healthy way to look at it at any age, without terror or anxiety.

Death is a part of life. It is nothing to hide. Your child will not be devastated by this news. Just tell him in a very natural conversation. You could simply say something such as this, "Some of your friends have older siblings. So, do you, but he is no longer with us. Would you like to know his name? If the answer is yes, you may proceed with other details. Get out pictures and show him. You might state their similarities. He had dark curly hair, just like your's, see? Proceed according to your child's reactions. Don't push information if he is not interested. He may come back to you later, asking. Include him when you go to viewings and funerals. Don't try to shield him from death.