Why can't I control myself and just breathe?

You aren't able to control yourself and breathe because you've been triggered too much and you lost ways to help you relax.

You are testing your boundaries maybe, stressed and overthinking. Be a devil and dare yourself to find calm instead of fear for once. Stop apologising, catch the right train, avoid toxic people and environments. Shake them off and focus on you. It's all that matters in the end. Don't think of it as fighting or winning, just be. Respect others, keep your hopes up. Try holding your tongue still in your mouth, it stops inner chatter. Listen to rain or the wind. Hum, get a weighted blanket. Follow your instincts. . . . . . . . . . . .