Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?

313 Answers Moderated by Lisa Groesz, PhD Updated: Mar 18, 2023

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luminousCat77 on Sep 17, 2016

I feel as if many people have different love languages that cause strain on their personal relationships. This being one of them. I know personally I prefer quality time over gifts any day of the week, my sister on the other hand likes to receive gifts from people. It sounds as if your love languages may be a little different from that person's. Sit down and talk with them about it and you'll learn lots about them and how they show they care versus how you may chow your caring side. 

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Anonymous on Oct 23, 2016

You don't want to feel needy and seem like you are looking for attention. If someone buys you gifts, accept them

NatalieB on Mar 22, 2017

It could be down to a number of reasons, depending on your state of mind and relationship to the person offering the gift. It could be as simple as feeling pressured to reciprocate, or feeling "in debt". In other cases, it might feel as though boundaries are being challenged, or it might even trigger a kind of guilt, or a feeling that you don't deserve this kindness, depending on how you feel about yourself, your perceived treatment of the gift-giver or your understanding and your limits of the relationship's boundaries.  

Expert approved by NathalieDramisDiploma

capucinec on Aug 11, 2017

Because you feel like you don't deserve it. They went out of their way to do something special for you, not for anything in return, no. Because they truly like you and you are imbued in their thoughts. Here's a tip: if you ever feel like you're not special, look at the people buying you gifts. Look at the people you call a friend. Look at you family. Can you honestly tell me that they too, believe you're not special and that you don't deserve every good thing coming your way?

Anonymous on Nov 12, 2017

Often it is due to low self-esteem, when you can't consider yourself worth it, worth their care and love. Learning to love yourself and accept your flaws are some ways to deal with it.

TogetherForeverAlways on Nov 16, 2017

You may think immediately that you now owe that person something as well and might not want/cannot retribute the favor or, more importantly, that for some reason you do not deserve the appreciation received (e.g gift), therefore you feel bad for accepting.

HappyRoses on Jan 13, 2018

Maybe you feel like you're not worthy of anything nice especially gifts. Maybe it's a feeling of guilt.

JDust on Jan 24, 2018

The discomfort you experience could be a multitude of issues. One may be pride: many people, for example, feel pride in buying things for others, but experience shame when things are purchased for them. 
A second reason could be personal self-loathing: If you particularly dislike yourself, it may make you feel guilty if someone gives you something you feel you did not earn. 

scenicwindow on Jan 25, 2018

Can be due to: a) feelings of unworthiness, where a low self-esteem may also be at play b) fear of the feeling of indebtedness c) feelings of guilt stemming from the fear that the one gifting may have overspent on me d) fear of being perceived as a taker and e) Misgiving about the intent of the one gifting.

Brittany8013 on Mar 22, 2018

This is a Brilliant question, I myself, struggle with this as well. I have learned that it is because we do not feel deserving. we perceive it as the "giver" wasting resources on us, which isn't the case at all. 