Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?

Part of it is probably because we feel like a burden once someone does something for us, even though we do not ask for it because we know that at some point in our lives we have thought about other people getting in the way of our free time just because we have to do something for them. With that, we get into the mindset of feeling bad when someone does something nice even though they do these nice things from the heart.

Generally, people feel this way because they believe that they are burdens to others and don't deserve to get gifts or have nice things done for them. From my experience, it's because I lacked self-compassion and felt as if I didn't deserve any of the good things given to me. However, that's not true. Everyone deserves to be loved, and be treated with kindness. You are not a burden.

You feel bad because since a young age you were taught to be modest, that you do not deserve this and that you aren't the center of the world. But you do deserve these gifts, the people giving them to you know you do, so accept them with a smile and a thank you.

The 'bad' feeling, in my experience, is something that can be explained in multiple ways. I myself tried to explain the guilt followed by a nice gesture or a gift from someone else and it is not easy. I came up with a few possibilities. A. Not being used on receiving; perhaps you are the person that people go to for support, advice, you are the one giving all the time. Being on the receiving end is a new, uncomfortable situation. B. Feeling like your independence is jeopardized by the person doing something nice for you or helping you out. Sometimes reaching for help can make us feel like we are weak; if the said help is provided to us without us asking for it, it might make us feel like the person that helps us/does something nice for us undermines our strength/independence. C. Thinking you do not deserve their kindness/money - which is, most likely, not true. In any case, if you do feel uncomfortable receiving attention/help/gifts from the people around you, please make sure they are aware of this. Furthermore, try to think of things that could actually constitute help/gifts, without being clearly it (asking a friend to go for a walk instead of them trying to take you out for a fancy meal, letting a friend pay for the tip, instead of awkwardly accepting them to cover the whole bill etc.)

This could be a sign of feeling guilt. Regardless of whether the cause is justified or not, it can be hard or prevent to stop the feeling. You should try to locate a reason or cause for why you feel bad when nice things happen to you, and if you can't find one, then your feeling guilt is probably unwarranted. It sounds like in this case, feeling bad is unnecessary. The first step to dealing with feelings of guilt is observing and understanding them. Understand that in this situation, you did nothing wrong and you have no reason to feel bad :)

You may feel a mental 'requirement' to recompensate, but not be able to and feel guilty because of it.

You may feel that you do not deserve a gift or that a person is trying to avoid being vulnerable with you and uses gifts to compensate for things that money can't buy. The last reason you feel bad might be that you feel people buy you gifts to lord over you.

Perhaps it's just the feeling that you 'don't deserve it' (but I'm sure you do, otherwise they wouldn't have sent you a gift in the first place!) I get this feeling a lot, and i need a lot of reassurance about it. But hey, you get a gift for being awesome, keep it up, bud :)

Feeling like you don't deserve things? That might be an indicator of low self esteem, that you are not worthy of the gift they give you. Try to believe.

A natural human desire is to not want to be a burden. Being independent makes us feel in control of our lives, and makes us feel confident that we do not have to rely on anyone else. Often, when someone gives you a gift or does you a favor that they didn't have to, it can feel like you are taking advantage of them, or you're putting them out. Sometimes, there is a feeling of indebtedness to that person, because you feel guilty for taking something from them. It's important to remember that most of the time, people are not doing nice things for you with the expectation of getting something in return, or because they are obligated to--they are doing it because they care about you and want you to be happy.