Why do I compare everyone to my bad relationship?

Because that relationship really hurt you. It has made you insecure and you think that everyone you meet will you treat you like your ex.

Often times we have set in our mind our own personal thoughts about the perfect relationship. When our own relationshis fail to meet our set standards then we usually compare our relationships to those who are on the level in which we desire to be.

It's a natural thing, for people to compare themselves to others. Generally when someone sees something wrong, that's all they can think about. Whether it's jealousy, hatred, or loneliness, comparing every other couple to your bad relationship may only make you see things as worse that what they truly may be, or it will be enough to get you out of that tough situation. It's completely natural, don't ever feel as though it's wrong or that you shouldn't do it. It's just one of those little things that everyone does.

If you are still comparing, it's obvious you haven't moved on from the old (bad) relationship. Suggest you deal with the feelings from that relationship before beginning a new one. Deal with those feelings first and forgive the person in the old relationship. Only then will you be able to move into a new relationship in a healthy manner. Begin to see each person in your life (whether in a relationship or not) for who they are and the goodness they can bring into your life. Wise choices can prevent a multitude of heartache.

It occurs naturally after being in a bad relationship. One shouldn't beat themselves up about it however try their best not to let the comparison ruin any potential relationship. Using the positives and the negatives of the former relationship can be a good yardstick but giving the benefit of the doubt to the next person is equally important. Even sharing with them at some point may help them understand what you went through and your behaviour.

Hey... this is so common and is likely a defense mechanism that your brain triggers to protect your heart from being hurt like it was in the past. We hope that history will teach us the triggers and help us understand the signs of an unhealthy relationship, but sometimes doing so can have a negative effect. By juxtaposing/comparing your current partner with those in your past (that did not work out), you are likely focused on the negative red flags that you have seen before and not the positive traits. Unfortunately, it is a self-fulling prophecy and you will only find what you are looking for and wonder why you can't seem to find any luck in love. If you only use the labels you have in your toolbox of bad relationships, are you really giving yourself and your current partner a fair chance at love? Past bad relationships carry heavy baggage, but it is your choice to take that luggage with you to your next destination. Give yourself a chance to create a new past by focusing on the present relationship you have and giving it a chance to be something different!

When we have bad relationships we can tend to use our experiences with them as a sort of barometer for success (or failure). So if we see traits in our current partner that were also present in a past one, it can invoke similar (not so good) feelings. It is important to understand that everyone is different. Instead of holding partners up against others you have been with in your life, try to see them for who they are, this might even help you work around any negative feelings that arrive in relation to your previous bad relationship.

Having a bad relationship is an excellent learning experience, because you learn what you don't want and don't like. but it's so easy to begin to compare relationships to that one. try to remember each person is different and therefore the relationship will be different. don't let the bad relationships of the past eek their way into your future.

Our brains are great at remembering when things go wrong. It's helpful, that's how we learn not to put our hands in a fire. The flipside is that it can sometimes hinder our ability to trust that a new situation is just that: a new situation. Or a that a new person is not that nasty relationship that hurt us in the past.

It's easy to compare everybody around you to someone you had a bad relationship with as what could be called a defense mechanism. Of course I would have to know you better to give you a solid answer, but there's a chance that you could be comparing people to a past bad relationship because you're trying to keep yourself from ending up in that same situation.