Why do I compare everyone to my bad relationship?

It's not us our ego is doing that. The inferiority complex makes us jealous. Just fight it............

Because of the bad history and your association with this person, you may be trying to figure out what went wrong the last time. Since you deserve better this time, comparing can be good so you can judge whether a person will treat you right.

As human beings we naturally latch on to negative experiences because that's how we learn; a baby learns about hot things by touching a hot thing, then it thinks about the hot thing every time it goes to touch another hot thing. Not that I'm saying relationships are this simple, but that's why, you're afraid the same thing is going to happen because you have this negative experience that you've learnt from.

It might be that we're traumatized in that certain relationship. We constantly fear in failing, especially in relationships. It is like you're scared in driving a car, so you constantly stop or crash instead of progressing forward. It is normal. But sooner or later we will realize and be brave enough to step on that gas and move forward because we know now that we've learned enough and trust ourselves enough to reach our destination.

Because bad relationships are the one of the worst things you have overcome. And naturally, when someone new comes along, the spark and attraction is there but you can't help but compare the feelings you felt before to the present. It's understandable. You were hurt. I suppose it's an instinctual way of protecting our self,because the feelings you felt before in your bad relationship is happening again.

You've been hurt before and you don't want to feel that way again. It's totally normal. I do the same thing, but honestly it's not fair to the new person. I try to remember that everyone is different and isn't going to treat me the same as my bad relationship. If you instantly compare everyone to someone from the past, then you may push them away miss out on a great person. You could also express this concern with a new partner to let them know how you're feeling. They may be able to clear up any doubts or negative thoughts you're having about the relationship.

Bad relationships tend to linger longer in the memory because we focus in on what went wrong and what we could fix from our own perspective. It becomes a strange feedback loop, we seek out the worst parts of the relationship and where we went wrong, and therefore, the better parts are illuminated and drawn to the light. If you continuously focus in on what you could have done to make the relationship better, you proceed through memories with a sort of self-blame that makes the dark parts darker and the light parts lighter. This may be one reason why bad relationships often seem better in memories than they did in reality, and why we continuously compare current partners to past partners who mistreated us or lacked certain qualities in spades.

Maybe, you feel the need to compare everyone to your relationship, because you feel you don't deserve what is happening to you. Its like trying to make everyone's relationship seem bad because you don't want to come to terms with how bad yours is. You're trying tho point out others flaws to make yours go away.

Bad relationships can be very traumatic. Until we properly address that trauma, we very well may, as a defense mechanism, see those traits in other people as a way to protect ourselves.

You're probably really insecure and very hurt from that bad relationship. You will be surprised to know that you're not alone in doing this. Many people do it because they're scared of going through either the same thing or something similar or even being hurt in general. I will say this, even though you've had all of this happen, it's best to start any and every relationship whether serious or not, on a clean slate. No assuming, no judging and just kind of not taking with a grain of salt. Everyone has the ability to hurt someone, but you need to give them that option of doing so before automatically thinking they'll do it, you know? Trusting others isn't easy, I know. But there's nothing wrong with giving people just a safety net of some trust to their name. You know what I mean? All in all, my best advice is just be positive about meeting new people, getting into new relationships and building those gateways to something wonderful, which will help break down those walls. I wish you luck.