Why do I compare everyone to my bad relationship?

We can challenge our perspective to see this comparison with other eyes. How? With a question. What if you're not just comparing, but you're actually perceiving what qualities are lacking in your own relationship? If we unravel the meaning of comparison, you arrive to the conclusion that you're just discerning with your natural intuition whatever is lacking in your life. Despite knowing that comparisons do not always involve something intuitive that is positive, in this case, you even state that you're in a bad relationship, which confirms that you're just aware of what you deserve. Discernment and awareness can come from understanding what qualities you perceive in the world that are not being manifested in your life. This is the heart of true comparison.

Your previous, bad relationship had a large impact on you. It is hard to completely let that go and move forward, but part of processing what happened and what you went through is in that comparison. You are still hurting, potentially. And, a comparison is a big part of how we communicate and share experiences. Even if we don't altogether want to see similarities between a and b, they present themselves, anyway. The farther from the bad relationship you get, and the healthier relationships and development that you gain, the less this comparison will happen in the future. You just have to give it some time.

Sometimes we compare other people to our bad relationships because we are afraid that entering a new relationship will result in similar negative outcomes. We compare one situation to another as a coping/defense mechanism. We put up our defenses so we don't risk getting hurt. In our mission to avoid the risk that we may get hurt again, we miss out on the chance that something could be amazing. It's easiest to fit other people into our previously experienced molds of people. It takes more work to truly develop the mentality that each person is an individual and having one relationship that doesn't work out is not predictive of having another relationship that ends the same way.

Sometimes when you've had ban relationships, you have trust issues and get scared with new people. Sometimes comparing people can come from worries and thoughts like "He dumped me, so this guy will to" or If one person uses you for sexual wants, you could have worries that your next mate will too. It's totally not a bad thing, and it can be taken care of. If you experience these comparisons very often, taking a break to regain your trust would always be an option! The world of love is a scary place, so it's totally understandable if you compare people to your bad relationships.

It's hard not to compare everyone to the past relationship. You are trying to make sure that you won't get hurt again, and if there is a slight similarity, you will back away. When you compare everyone to the last bad person, you are trying to make sure there is good in them. If you see that the person is good, and not like the last one, it helps you realize that maybe you won't get hurt again, but if you find out that they are more similar then anything, then you will find a reason to shut yourself down once again. This keeps you from getting hurt.

Because after trusting someone and having our faith broken, it is tough to trust again. The comparison comes naturally "Will this person be like X and hurt me again by lying /abusing /manipulating me?" It's important to remember that we should stay informed by the past but open to the future. Our bad relationships tend to leave the largest "bruises," so we tend to remember them the most. Still, it's important to remember that they are an experience, a single example of a relationship. By looking at what went wrong, at what makes us compare the relationship to the old relationship, we can better serve ourselves and heal.

It is because we always try to find someone to relate to even though sometimes we know it is going to hurt us in some way! It's a completely humane thing to do and we all do it in one way or another. However, sometimes we should step back and appreciate what we have instead of comparing what we have to others because there is going to be people out there who want what you have too! Also, sometimes what we see in others aren't what is actually happening, it is most likely they're going through a hard time as well!

If it is because of trust, then based on my personal experience when you have your trust broken so many times then it can be hard to have trust in others. When you have trusted someone and they do something to break that, it could make you feel like you should have had your guard up to expect that hurt. So then you feel like you cannot fully trust someone else so now you begin to question other people. It's like a defense mechanism. You want to trust but once it gets broken, it can take time to repair that. This is my opinion based on my personal experience, it could be totally different but hope this helps!

Because of your experience in a bad relationship you've lost your trust in people. Everyone is not out to hurt you. People who had nothing to do with your bad relationship of being judged through your lens of one person. If you keep comparing people you will miss out on truly good relationships that will help you grow and not tear you down. I felt this way about my dad and I hated anyone who looked like him. I learned to forgive my dad for the things that he did to me. Because of that forgiveness my heart has been open to wonderful relationships. I use my Deliverance from a bad relationship to give others hope and compassion to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

This is a natural response we have. It's evolutionary. ur brains process our past experiences constantly, and makes predictions for our future. trauma has an especially strong role to play in these "calculations." So don't worry too much. We all do this in our lives. Don't worry though, this is something that can be worked through. If we use some very basic therapy tools, we can make great progress toward healing this hurt. It is a simple matter of dealing with the pain and moving on in a healthy way. You just have to put in the work for it. A good guiding hand can go a long way.