How can I stop someone from hurting me when they don't care about my feelings?
seighheart
on
Nov 16, 2014
Managing Emotions Expert
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I'm going through this right now.. Its the worst feeling.. Someone answer this please............ :(
deepzie
on
Sep 22, 2014
Managing Emotions Expert
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a person can only hurt you when you give them the permission to hurt you or play with your feelings. The best way to stop this from happening is to be strong, take control over your life and dont care for those who make you feel miserable.
TeaWithAFriend
on
Nov 15, 2014
Managing Emotions Expert
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First, ask yourself why you continue to expose yourself to people who don't care about your feelings. Then, if you are able to, walk away from them. Hang up. Change your phone number. Block their email. Delete them on social media or make new social media accounts that they don't know about and delete the old ones. Tell yourself you are DONE with being around people who clearly don't care about your feelings and do not interact with people like that anymore if you continue to meet them. Find new people to be around or figure out how ways to have fun that don't involve other people until you find people you enjoy being around. There are lots of people on the internet so don't limit your interactions with others to people who are physically around. Forgive yourself for having chosen to expose yourself to people who don't care about your feelings and help others do to the same. Have fun and enjoy yourself and simply "change your mind" or change your thoughts when you start thinking about people from the past who hurt your feelings. Eventually, you will forget about those types of people because your time and attention will be taken up by more positive things/people/events/activities etc.
Anonymous
on
Sep 14, 2014
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If the person knows we are being hurt and doesn't care, the best is to forgive (to not feel pressured or guilty if we do care about this person), but also to keep distance in order to avoid future problems. Also, we must make sure we are communicating our concern in a clear and honest way. Time heals. And you never know, maybe this person will truly feel sorry and come back into our lives in a ver positive manner, like what happened with my mom's brother!
Wes2
on
Nov 4, 2014
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If someone doesn't care about your feelings, you don't need to care about what they think of you. It's a simple matter of mutual respect. If that person has such little regard for you, wash your hands of them and pay them no mind.
Varee
on
Jul 2, 2015
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Ouch! This sounds like a really painful situation.
Firstly, it can be worth checking into whether they really don't care... or whether we are making a bit of an assumption about why they're behaving as they do. (Often people's behaviour is driven by their own fears, worries, and hurts - and has nothing to do with us. But I know from personal experience that can be hard to understand on a feelings level)
Secondly, it's always worth remembering that other people's behaviour is beyond our control. All we can control is our own thoughts and behaviour.
Next, it can be very helpful to think about why what they're doing feels hurtful to us:
* does it remind of us an earlier situation, maybe something from when we were very young?
* are they touching on something about ourselves we secretly worry about?
* are we doing lots for others and getting very tired or drained?
* do we have expectations about how they should behave, based on our own preferences?
These can help us detangle a situation and see the wood for the trees. But at no point should we ever blame ourselves for other people's behaviour.
If we obtain actual evidence that someone genuinely doesn't care about us, it could be useful to do some reflection about why we keep them in our lives:
* deep down do we feel we deserve to be treated this way?
* are we worried what others might think of us?
* do we secretly like the 'drama'
and so on.
This might sound tough. Here's a thought: if we want to change a situation, we need to look at whether / how we are contributing to it... and how we can change our bit of the situation.
Some other people do care about us, but have never learned how to be respectful of our feelings and needs. It will be up to you to decide healthy boundaries for yourself:
* experiment with talking to them about how you feel about the situation. Use "I statements" (I.e. "I feel ______ when you __________" And use a real, specific example for that second blank). This works much better than saying something like "You always __________ and it makes me __________"
* you might want to consider whether or not to keep such people in your life, or how often to allow them in your life, and in what situations
If we decide to have this person in our lives going forward, then we'll benefit from setting some boundaries:
* what are all the things you could you try out, to limit the impact this person has on you?
* is there personal development work you could be doing to strengthen feeling good about yourself -- no matter what?
* what are some healthy ways you could express existing feelings of hurt, anger, frustration and so on?
I hope this helps, please do get in touch if you'd like to chat through your situation.
Aurelius735
on
Aug 5, 2015
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There are people who have the power to make you smile as well as cry and when people become so important in your life, you become weak in front of them. You start living your life the way they want and try to do whatever makes them happy. The day others know their importance they will surely take you for granted.
lucilledaniella
on
Oct 24, 2014
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You must really decide to speak for yourself. Someone could really hurt us and even don't care if about our feelings but if you just know your self worth and you love yourself then you would be bold enough to stand firm and say that you deserves so much more than this. Also letting go of those people would put some sunshine on your self esteem. :)
Anonymous
on
Nov 13, 2014
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Giving power in someones hand to hurt you, someone who doesn't care about you is just not the thing you wanna do. You need to care about yourself more than anyone.
JGrace1997
on
Nov 16, 2014
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A person like that is someone that could be a destructive force in your life. The key is to distance yourself from them as much as possible. Instead, surround yourself with caring people who impact your life in a positive way.
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