My partner and I are in our 50s. Her parents are in their 80s. She's not out to them. To go to her family gatherings I pretend I'm just a friend. I feel like a dirty secret. I want it to stop?

Communication is probably the best way out of this. I know you don't want to hurt her, but you have the right to tell them how this situation makes you feel, and she shouldn't ignore your feelings. You can try to discuss it together, work on it, understand each other's reasons and see if you can find a solution together. Openness is hard, but it's the only way to make sure you can make things better together. If you won't be able to do so, you'll have to consider what can truly make you happy.

As a bi girl that's not out, I've felt this type of situation before. Since you and your partner are adults and capable of not depending on the parent, you don't have the danger of being kicked out. I know this can be very stressful and all you want is to be able to show your love happily, so just propose the idea to her, and let her know that you will support her no matter what. Parents can be tough no matter your age, so just try to be adult about and it may just go smoothly. Remember, its YOUR life together, not the parents decision. Good Luck and don't forget you have the whole 7 cups family behind you!