I've just come to terms with being transgender. How do I come out to my girlfriend of many years?

First off, as difficult as it may be, you should try to accept that your girlfriend may not be attracted to other women (or men - whether you are male-to-female or female-to-male). After you have come to terms with this, try to sit down with her and explain what Gender Dysphoria is, and how it is affecting you. Explain then that to treat this condition, it is in your best interest to transition to the opposite gender to relieve your Dysphoria and find happiness. Whether the relationship works or not, you two should have each other's best interests at heart and respect each other's decisions: Your decision to transition, and her decision on what she thinks is best for the relationship.

Be honest, patient, and empathetic, but remember that being yourself is the most important thing. She has the right to choose to end the relationship if it conflicts with her sexuality. You have the right to be your truest self and be with someone who loves who that is. Neither of you owe each other what costs your identity. Have grace and love yourself, but prepare your heart for hardship. Don't take things personally, especially at first. It can be hard for people to hear you've been hiding such inner conflict or that their preconceptions of you are false. Being trans is rough, but being yourself is the most fulfilling thing in the world. Tactful honesty and patience can help ease everyone in your life into a comfortable position, be it friends, family, or partners.

That's tough. I'm on the opposite side -- my significant other of 15+ years just came out to me. It was a bit of a shock, and sadly, I did not take the news well at first. I am still processing this as we work on figuring out how our relationship may change going forward. You know your girlfriend best. Is she supportive of the lgbtq+ community? Would she be open to being with someone of your (newly discovered) gender? Those are questions you might want to think about. You say you just came to terms with this yourself. Perhaps give yourself a little more time to be comfortable in your new found self before coming out. Maybe drop some hints.... Look into resources for trans people. Check out the /asktransgender or /ask_transgender subreddit on reddit.com. You don't need to rush things. Tell her when it feels like the right time to tell her. I hope that your girlfriend takes the news well and supports you. I suggest the /mypartneristrans subreddit for her. While you should hope for the best, keep in mind that she may not be accepting at all, or she may no longer be attracted to you (you can't force her to change her sexual orientation if she isn't attracted to your gender). I'm sorry if I didn't really answer your question. I wish you the best of luck.

Maybe bring up LGBT+ issues to see how she reacts. Everyone says to do that, but it really lets you see the person's position on LGBT+ rights. If she seems to support us, then sit her down. Talk about how much you love her, then tell her your gender identity, pronouns, preferred name. But take it slow, because if you've known a person for a long time, this is a huge change for them. If she asks you questions about it, be prepared for answers. Also, it depends on her sexuality. Sometimes lovers stay together even if one comes out as trans* during the relationship regardless of gender. These tips are really for coming out in general, too.

I would say sit her down after telling her you have something important to talk about. You can practice what you will say before hand too! Make sure when you talk to her, you tell her how much this means to you. Be aware that she may or may not accept that you are trans. If you want to, asking her view of LGBTQ+ could be helpful on how to tell her. Try to mentally prepare, notice her preferences too. If she doesn't happen to be bisexual, don't press staying in a relationship. If you want to you can tell her you would like to stay friends. Good luck you can do it!!

First, I would approach them by asking how she feels about transgender people. If she feels negatively toward them to any degree, or refuses to date someone who is transgender, I would highly suggest getting out of the relationship quickly and with as little conflict as you can manage for your own sake. If the reaction and opinion is positive, ask her how she would feel dating a transgender person! This approaches the issue slowly and may start to give her an inkling as to what may be going on. Make sure you are somewhere safe, or with someone who is supportive of you when you approach her about it. I believe that its better to have support and safety when you come out to people you are unsure about how to approach just as a safety net in case things don't go smoothly.

Just tell her what you are feeling. Do not beat about the bush, or hide it with fancy words, or even avoid it completely. Just tell her how you are feeling, and if she a good, kind, understanding woman then she will understand. Do not think for one second that this reflects badly on you, as there is absolutely nothing wrong with being yourself and taking your own path. I can't say exactly that I've ever been in this exact predicament but I do understand; being honest can be hard, but don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to. I hope this helped :)

I can tell that you must be nervous and you have every right to be. Coming out to someone who has known you as the gender you were assigned at birth for such a long time is absolutely nerve-wracking and that is 100% understandable. But your girlfriend has been with you for many years, as you said. To be with you for that long means she really loves being with you. And remember, you've been trans the entire time you two have been together. The only difference now is you have come to terms with it. When you tell her, the only change that's happening is she will know too. It's not like you're suddenly waltzing up to her as a different gender. Transgender doesn't work like that. It's always been there, and if she can't accept that, then her actions are her actions and nothing will be your fault. A good relationship is built on a foundation of trust and you need to trust that she will understand and her love doesn't change. I wish you the best of luck, my friend.

There is no 'right' way to go about coming out to your girlfriend. I think that you know your girlfriend best, so it could be a good idea to think about how she's handled news in the past. It could be worthwhile thinking about how she feels about the trans community. Is she generally a supportive ally? Would she be open to you showing her some resources, groups or events that are relevant to the trans community? There are also online talks about how people can support members of the transgender community. If she is willing to do so, you could watch them and discuss them together. It can also be easier to come out in a letter rather than telling someone face-to-face. If you feel comfortable having a conversation with your girlfriend, you could practice the conversation in a mirror first. Something that you could say is that being transgender doesn't change your personality and that you are still the same person that she knows.

Get her alone, and it's better not to prepare a whole presentation. Sit her down and tell her about it, explaining what it means. Be calm, and if she freaks out then give her time to cool down. Just be straightforward and honest about it, let her know why you are making the decision, and what being transgender feels like to you. If she doesn't understand what it is fully, then explain it to. Don't go overboard with a power point or something, just let her know how you're feeling, and don't just throw it at her, say it calmly and slowly, let her understand. But don't go around the point, go right to it.