I'm not sure if I'm straight but I don't want to come out if I take it back in the future. What should I do?
Anonymous
on
Dec 5, 2016
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First, I believe that sexuality can be fluid, you may change in the future and with you your sexuality may change too. I don't think this is a bad thing or that it invalidates your past sexuality because it is a part of you and that makes it valid.
Now, you are confused about your sexuality and this is completely okay. A lot of people are going through this right now, regardless their age, gender... You are not alone.
I think you should try and give yourself some time to figure thing out, but don't rush it. Everyone has their own pace. And as for coming out, I believe that coming out is not something you should do to make your sexuality valid or if you feel unsafe, you should make it because you want it.
So if you really want to do it, here's a tip: sexuality is something fluid (yes, again). Not only because it can change with time, but because you don't have to be 100% straight or gay or asexual or anything. You can tell people that you don't know if you're straight, you can tell people that you are confused and that is still coming out. For example, I know people someone that was straight, then bi and then gay, and other that was lesbian and then bi. What I'm trying to say is that being confused is part of your sexuality and you don't have to define 100% yourself to come out. You can do that whenever you want.
I hope this helps you a little bit and regarless of you personal situation know that I support you.
Lots of hugs xx
thenormalstate
on
Dec 9, 2016
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Sexuality is fluid, which means it can change over time. There is no shame in feeling not-straight now, and there is no shame in feeling straight in the future. Try to limit pressures on your future self to line up with your current self. How you feel right now is valid, and if coming out is safe and makes you more comfortable in your identity, you can do so if you would like, and you can also rest assured that you will be able to change in the future if that happens. Change is natural in all things, even when cultural norms suggest otherwise.
Anonymous
on
Dec 5, 2016
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The thing about sexuality is that it's very fluid. If you come out as something now, but find that label doesn't fit you in the future, that doesn't make you any less valid. It's hard to figure out, because nobody can tell you what it's like to feel a certain way, but no matter how you identify, you are valid! Your sexuality is allowed to change overtime, and if you feel you want to come out now, then that decision is entirely up to you
WhoopsCat
on
Dec 6, 2016
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Every person's coming out experience is different. My best advice is from a YouTuber named Amanda. She says, "You shouldn't come out to people until you've fully come out to yourself". It's okay to question and be confused, it's a part of life! You may feel you're straight one day, and then the next day you realize you're totally bisexual. And that's okay! Coming out and finding your identity takes a long time, and you may grow and change out of certain things! Whatever happens, remember that labels and titles do not define you, and that no matter what, you are an incredible and valued person.
Artemidesia
on
May 2, 2017
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There is no rush. Do it when you feel comfortable. Don't do it if you aren't comfortable yet. Take your time and figure yourself out and then take the decision.
exquisiteCandy86
on
Oct 17, 2017
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This Is a very tough but common question. In my opinion, what makes you happy now is the most important. If you come out as gay and you are happy, that's great. But if you are not happy, there is absolutely nothing stopping you from being straight again. Feel no shame for exploring your own happiness. Not trying is worse than trying. In any situation at all, trying something to improve your life and make yourself happy is a beautiful and exciting thing. Never be afraid to listen to yourself, and take no judgment on yourself if you make wrong decisions because that is what humans do. If you ever feel upset or confused about anything, I am here to listen and talk to you as a caring friend. You are never alone
Xannn3
on
May 22, 2018
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Come out, if that's what you feel like you should do. That's who you are right now in the present. Identity can be fluid, and if whoever you come out to truly loves you for who you are, they won't mind you exploring your identity.
Aayla
on
Jun 17, 2019
LGBTQ+ Issues Expert
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Our sexuality is, utlimately, simply what we feel we are. It's not always easy to find it out, but exploring our own feelings, picturing ourselves with people of different genders and paying attention to our emotions and sensations in response to those scenarios, can help us understanding. If this process leads you to identify with a certain orientation, that is who you are. People rarely take it back, because our orientation is something innate in us, and once we've found it out, it's not likely we'll feel differently about it in the future. However, whatever happens in the future, you have all the rights to share your identity with other people and tell them who you are right now. It's not wise to neglect who we are in the present because of assumptions we make about the future, that may or may not become true. Coming out is not mandatory, of course, but if you believe it would make you feel better to share your identity with other people, than it's the best thing to do. Feel free to live the present!
Noelle0867
on
Oct 20, 2020
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you and only you can define you sexuality! If you want to come out as anything then perhaps the best thing to do would be to come out as "questioning". I've been there and I know that it can be confusing. If you don't think you're straight and then you later you realize that you are straight then thats ok and it doesn't make you any less valid! I hope you can figure it but just know that you don't have to have all the answers and you have your whole life ahead of you to figure it out!
lonelyghost
on
Feb 20, 2017
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It's okay to not feel sure. You don't have to commit to being one thing or the other, nor feel bad about what you want or how you feel. We're allowed to change our minds. We're allowed to try out different things and see what makes us happy. We're allowed to be happy despite those who judge.
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