I'm a survivor of child physical and sexual abuse: how do I know if I'm really trans, or if these feelings are just something coming from my traumatic background?

Being trans is something present at birth, and it's just recognized at different points in people's lives. I'm not sure it would matter much if you were abused, but I'll tell you that you are very strong regardless, and that just because it may be coming from your past experiences doesn't make you any less trans, and it doesn't make your gender identity any less valid. Stay strong, friend!

Children and adolescents who have been sexually abused can suffer a range of psychological and behavioral problems, from mild to severe, in both the short and long term. The initial or short-term effects of abuse usually occur within 2 years of the termination of the abuse. But the negative effects of child sexual abuse can affect the victim for many years and into adulthood. Some children may show symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, including agitated behavior, frightening dreams, and repetitive play in which aspects of the abuse are expressed. Children may also exhibit "regressive" behaviors (such as a return to thumb-sucking or bed-wetting), eating problems, and behavior or performance problems at school. Children may show sexual behavior or seductiveness that is inappropriate for their age. Some children, especially boys, tend to "act out" with behavior problems, such as cruelty to others and running away. Other children "act in" by becoming depressed or by withdrawing from friends or family, experiencing feelings of guilt and shame. Sometimes children may try to injure themselves or attempt suicide. If child sexual abuse is not effectively treated, long-term symptoms may persist into adulthood.

I would do some soul searching, ask yourself questions and allow your answers to be one that make cynical sense.

Figuring out one's identity can be a difficult and long process, and it's ok if you're not 100% sure of your gender identity right now. Even if you still have questions, you can choose to label (or not label) your gender identity in the way that makes you feel most comfortable and happy right now. It's ok if you change your pronouns and/or identity later: "changing your mind if proof that you have one." I would encourage you to talk to some trusted people in your life about how you're feeling and what they could do to respect your gender identity.

With this sort of doubts, getting support is generally the best option. A therapist can surely help you figuring things out, and distinguishes your true self-perception from any induced belief. The trans community can also help: sharing your experience and worries with them can not only make you feel less alone and more accepted for who you are, but it's also a chance to compare your experience with that of other people with traumatic background.

It is a complex question, and I think you can find out this question in the therapy process =) Childhood sexual abuse leaves deep emotional wounds in us, a lot of confusion about our self and our identity. I think you should not rush this question, if it is an option for you consider going into therapy, take your time to heal your childhood traumas, and then slowly think about his question. Maybe you need more time to explore yourself and understand your sexuality better. And even if you are trans or decide to be trans, it is absolutely okay to be transexual! There are a lot of transexual people in the world and also a lot of resources on this topic. https://www.belongto.org/how-do-i-know-if-i-am-trans/

My advice would be to just do what makes you comfortable. Want to dress in fancy clothes? Do that. Want to buy a binder/breast forms? Go for it! Every day is a new choice what you want to do. Like, if you're in therapy and figure out that you thought you were trans but it was really just trauma, and then you don't want to do that stuff anymore, you can just stop. And if you figure out that it's because of trauma, but it still makes you feel good, why not keep doing it? I recommend being careful about more permanent changes (such as surgeries or hormones) if you're not sure what you want yet. The most important tip: you don't have to know everything now. If you need time, give yourself time.