If everyone around you (family, friends, etc.) is hostile towards LGBTQ people, how should you come out? Should you come out at all?

The first thing you need to take into consideration when coming out is if you'll be safe. There doesn't have to be a rush in your coming out process. Once you start building a life as an adult and become more independent you'll be in a much better situation to come out to friends and family. However, if you are surrounded by supportive people, coming out can be done at an earlier age.

Okay, heres a few things I have learned as a pansexual girl in a Christian family group. 1) do not just say 'hey im gay' at first. Ask your guardians/parents their opinions first. If they say something along the lines of 'good for nothings' or 'ultra sinners' or something of the like, do not come out. No matter how tempting it may be, you can severely jeaprodize your future and possibly be disowned. 2) Have supportive friends. If you don't have any friends you know are out there 'LGBTQP+ Pride', be sure to bring up the issue around them first. All of this 'carefulness' sucks, but it may save you from total disaster or transition therapy. If your group of people you know are pro-LGBTQP+, it is not yet time to go 'hey family and friends im a lesbian'. They may become hostile towards you despite their earlier actions. If you are going to come out, I would reccomend doing it when you can support/defend yourself in case of sudden 'oh well we disown you' cases. This means a steady job, a friend or two to fall back on, and a High School Diploma or something of that likeness. You don't have to have any of those things, but they are good safeguards. Hope this helps!! -SM

The simple answer is: no. If you'll be endangered by coming out, please stay in the closet! It may not be the best place, but it's safe. Try setting up online accounts where you can be yourself and talking to other LGBTQ folk in your area so you'll have someone safe to talk to, but be very careful. The most important thing is for you to be safe.

Safety always comes first, and if you feel like it's not safe for you to come out yet, you're free to wait. However, I understand the need to feel free as soon as possible. Maybe you can try finding support elsewhere for now, like in LGBT groups near where you live, or away from your usual acquaintances. I can ensure you that there's a lot of supportive people out there, andsurrounding yourself with the ones that can truly understand and support you can make you stronger, and you'll know you won't be alone if an when you'll decide to come out with other people!

Coming out is vital to being who you are. However, if the environment is not accepting, the best thing to do is to seek out help you know will accept you (help sites, guidance counselors, etc.). It is not healthy to hold all the feelings inside, and we need an outlet when it comes to things like that. Journaling or blogging can make it a little easier. Repressing your sexuality/gender identity will only affect you more negatively.

I think in terms of coming out there is no magic formula. I would say don't come out if you are concerned abut your safety, or being kicked out of your house. If you are not worried about your safety and more worried about the opinions of your friends and family, then I would say you have to weigh up whether you will find those negative opinions harder to deal with than any negative feelings you may have about not telling them. I guess if you want to keep those people in your life you will have to tell them one day, but that isn't to say you have to tell them right this minute. It's hard, but if you do decide to come out remember that people can surprise you and if people love you a compromise can be reached.

Coming out is always your decision, and it is always optional. However, if you are in a situation where you would face personal danger if you came out, then it is highly recommended that you do not. If you simply can't stand it anymore and it becomes a necessity, then have a solid background plan worked out. Pack your stuff and leave the bag by the door. Have some friends agree to host you. Have a solid amount of money in your runaway bag. If you're going to be beaten or kicked out, you should be prepared to leave.

Coming out is something every LGBTQ person wants to do. But if you have homophobic/transphobic family or friends, I'd recommend waiting. I know it seems a little oppressive but your safety is always important. Especially if you're emotionally/financially dependent on your family. You should definitely come out eventually. It's not good to repress your feelings. But if the environment around you is hostile, you should probably wait until you're emotionally and financially stable enough to take care of yourself if anything happens.

You should only come out if and when you are safe. If you are underage and in danger of physical or emotional abuse, including being thrown out of your home, then it might be best to stay in the closet for awhile, even though it is not ideal. In the meantime, you can privately and anonymously reach out for support online, including here at 7 Cups of Tea.

This, traditionally, is why queer people move to the city. It allows us to be out while avoiding the question of whether to come out to our families.