How can I explain homosexuality to my parents?
220 Answers
Moderated by Danielle Johnson, MSED, Community mental Health Counseling, LMHC
Updated: Apr 29, 2022
Anonymous
on
Nov 11, 2018
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You can tell them that it is an attraction to the same gender. If you are a girl, you can explain to them that it would be you being attracted to other girls. If you are a guy explain it as the same, but an attraction to guys. If they still do not get that, you can explain it as the same as heterosexuality, except with two guys or two girls. It could also be explained as the same attraction a guy feels for a girl or a girl feels for a guy, but instead with two members of the same gender.
Anonymous
on
Jan 5, 2019
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I think if you are going transparent and showing who you truly are inside then the ins and outs of homosexuality don’t need to be explained to them at first unless they ask to know more but rather you could explain that you’ve always felt different, that you understand it will be hard for them to process at first as it was for yourself. It’s not something you chose for yourself and if you could chances are you would want to blend in and not draw attention to yourself or hurt anyone but this wasn’t the option you were given but it’s the road you choose to pursue. If you still want to love and support me then it’s a journey you (parents) will have to take with me but I can understand it may take some time to sink in, or it may never sink in but just as you had the choices in your life whether good or bad, this is a choice I have to take for myself.
Anonymous
on
Jan 24, 2019
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Explain it in simple terms, in a way that normalizes the idea. Think of it the way you did when you first learned what homosexuality was: it's when someone loves people who have the same gender as they do. Explain that love is the same, no matter who the other person is. Remember that, as a general rule, parents want what is best for their children; they want their children to be happy, healthy, and to have better opportunities in life than they did. Confusion and misunderstandings may happen at first due to any preconceived notions they have of sexuality prior to this, so it may take some time for them to understand. But above all, remember that you are valid as a human being, and who you love is a part of that, not an exception!
Relationshipexpert
on
Mar 20, 2019
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Tell them that it's love just like their love for each other. It doesn't need a label. Love has no labels! If they love you, they will support you! You can do it! Explain to them that you can't help who you are or who you love. Be the person you want to be. Not the person the world wants you to be! Homosexuality is okay! You're human and there's nothing wrong with who you love. You are just as amazing as the others. Remember that people who love you, will accept you no matter what. Be strong and be yourself. ♡
Am3r1canDrag0n
on
May 3, 2019
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That you like someone of the same gender. This is the same as a man liking a woman or a woman liking a man, except with different parts. You still like them for their looks or for their personality. You can still hold hands, kiss, and get married in some countries. You can still be happy, and you can always adopt or have a male friend donate sperm in order for you to carry a child if they are worried about kids. Answer every question they have, yes, even the stupid ones. This will help them understand what may be a foreign concept to them.
Anonymous
on
Jun 1, 2019
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I understand it can be really difficult to come out to your own parents. Try to talk to them while they are calm and they are opened to listen to you. Don't try to talk to them after an exhausting day as they might get upset! Tell them how you feel and that you will always be their son/daughter no matter what! Because you are homosexual it doesn't mean you are not their son/daughter! Try to answer all the questions they might have and thank them for listening to you. Tell them honestly how you feel and how difficult it is. Nevertheless, be ready for everything! A good exercise is to ask yourself 'What is the worst-case scenario?' and try to find solutions. I also recommend you to take a look on the Internet or watch videos on how to come out.
friendlyHeart49
on
Aug 24, 2019
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When I told my parents I was bisexual I told my mum first because, A: she tells my dad everything, and B: she's the parent I'm closest to.
I sat her down and told her that I was bisexual through tears (it can be scary, but trust me, it's so worth it) Then I took about two hours to explain to her what it meant and gave her time to absorb it. I kept having to repeat myself because she seemed to be confused at first. I told her, "I like girls as well as boys."
"In what way?" she asked. "In an admiration way."
"No," I said. "In a sexual way."
This went back and forth for about two hours. But afterwards this whole weight lifted off my shoulders and I'm so glad I told her.
Explain it in simple terms and give them time to digest.
Anonymous
on
Oct 3, 2019
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Well first of all they shouldn’t even need an explanation, but this could help them understand it more I guess. You see someone you are drawn to and attracted to, you can’t help it and they do happen to be of the same sex. Just like it is for heterosexuals. They don’t choose who they are attracted to just like homosexuals don’t. It’s really simple and everyone should be able to understand this. You can’t help who you’re attracted to. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just a part of who you are and you don’t need to explain yourself for something you have no control over.
Anonymous
on
Oct 18, 2019
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Make sure that they understand you are not choosing your sexuality, start by telling them how girls and boys who are hetrosexuals are not being trained to be attracted in eachother and go on by telling them you also are not being trained or pushed by a specific person, tell them that you know about the way other people behave against homosexuality and how their support is the only thing which can make dealing with others easier for you, they need to know that no matter what is your sexuality, you love them and you appreciate the love they give to you
Anonymous
on
Nov 8, 2019
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Start slow, and be respectful. They are your parents and they think they know you best, even if that’s not necessarily true. Treat it as important as it is. You may have known for a while or not long at all but this does mean a lot to them and the topic deserves its weight. Personally, when I came out to my father it was indirectly and an accident. He didn’t deserve that. I should have told him outright, even though I was scared. He was okay with it but i do regret having it be so seemingly unimportant even though, to me it wasn’t.
neverendingPond3552
on
Dec 29, 2019
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With regard to HOW I can explain my homosexuality, I personally felt comfortable telling people about my homosexuality when I told them how I wanted to be treated: namely, that I don't want to be treated any differently just because I'm gay. Just as how anyone would go about not being conscious of other people's heterosexuality, I expressed my wish that they would not be conscious of my homosexuality, regardless of their intention. Hope this helps! and let me know if you have any further questions.
Sincerely hope your parents are supportive of who you are. And I personally found it helpful to think beforehand the possible responses to my coming out, and chose the course of action that I thought would result in the best emotional stability possible.
Pinkpunk96
on
Jan 3, 2020
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Just be honest with them! It can be extremely difficult trust me I have been through this! Your parents will love you! Just be open and honest explain your not like everyone else that you feel your attracted to a different gender and that’s okay!!
It is hard to start the conversation as what do you say! But why should we need to explain it! No one sits their parents down and says I’m straight. Explain how the thoughts of being with the opposite gender sickens you and there’s nothing you can do to change it. Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out
Onlyonweekdays7848
on
Feb 23, 2020
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First, you have to be understanding of their feelings the same way you want them to be understanding of yours. This is a change that they were probably not prepared for and if they react negatively you have to try and understand why. As for that explanation part, tell them that regardless of what anyone says you can not help you decide to love. No one has ever successful decided not to love their preferred sex just because others said it wasn't right. Tell them you are still the same; your heart or charter is still the same. Lastly tell them and stress this; you love them and would like for them to continue to love you as well.
Anonymous
on
Feb 26, 2020
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Start with being honest. If you feel concerned with their reaction express that prior without exposing the details. Follow with how it's important for your personal growth to be honest with them and that this is important for you. Overall be yourself and understand that you are strong and courageous for coming out. Explain to your parents that you have desires to engage in personal relationships with the same sex. Maybe include when you started to make this discovery in your life, and also express what type of support you may need from them. Homosexuality doesn't make you any different from those around you. We all put our pants on the same way. :)
Anonymous
on
Mar 20, 2020
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If you are referring to coming out, wait until you feel safe and ready to do so. Do it on your own terms. Ask your parent(s) to have a conversation, and be honest about what is going on. I remember I did it on a whim, and it did not feel as wholesome but it needed to happen. No matter what, this is your time. It may take them time to understand you or even homosexuality in general. I can't say how they will react, but know that there are resources you can reach out to (Trevor Project). If just explaining homosexuality, it means that you are not sexually attracted to the opposite sex. You are attracted to the same sex. It is no different than a hetero relationship, and it is just as valid.
blackMist3479
on
Mar 25, 2020
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Not knowing the context for this question, I am going to start with the basics. If you are a minor or are otherwise dependent on them for financial support, food, or shelter, then please make your safety priority #1. Some families react very negatively to their children being homosexual or even being allies to homosexual people. If you are in a place where you are not taking unreasonable risk by bringing this up, and you have supportive people to talk to if things don't go how you want, then I think there are a couple things to emphasize in your talk with them. Homosexuality is a complex topic, but I think the first thing those who do not fully support LGB people need to know is that a sexual/romantic orientation is not just about wanting an unusual type of sex (like with a fetish). Many people see it as innate and as something that may inform who the person will fall in love with. Both the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) and the American Psychological Association (APA) have defined competent care for homosexuals as care that affirms these clients and helps them to challenge any internalized stigma they are facing. Most professional organizations agree that there is little evidence to support the idea that sexual orientation can be voluntarily changed through therapy or that that is even the right mindset to take when working with such clients.
If your parents object to homosexuality for religious reasons, there are many resources out there to challenge the notion that religion and LGBT+ people are incompatible. In the Bible, for example, the story of Sodom and Gomorrah is often used to suggest that when people are gay, God destroys cities in his rage. However, if you read the story, what you'll find is that a man invites two angels to stay with him while they are visiting his city. While the angels are there, half the city shows up wanting to sexually assault the angels. Hospitality was culturally very important at that time, so this city is showing terrible hospitality and threatening literal angels with gang rape. I can't imagine a scenario farther removed from two happily married men raising children together, for example.
If your parents have held anti-homosexual beliefs for a long time, then it may be a long road to finding common ground on this issue. Be patient and seek support as needed. Hope that helps.
Anonymous
on
Apr 3, 2020
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Homosexuality is when someone is attracted to someone of the same gender, and its no different then regular attraction, it's still just love between two people. There's nothing else to say besides that it's normal. All I can say is that it may be scary at first, but I can reassure you that there is nothing wrong with it. If you're afraid for my safety then all I can ask for is to be accepted, there are people who don't like homosexuals but it's gonna be fine, I'll be fine, so I want to ask you again, the only thing I want from this is to be accepted.
DreamCatcher39
on
Apr 5, 2020
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Homosexuality can be a Taboo topic even these days. Nevertheless, it is something that needs to get out of the darkest corners of narrow-mindedness and shine bright. The only way to be able to convince someone is to be confident in yourself, in what you're saying.
They are your parents, however weird they might feel, they're going to support you at the end if you're happy ultimately.
So make sure to let them know, that you understand what you're getting into and you're sure of it. No matter what the world might say, or no matter however weird it may sound to some people, you will be happy with your decision for the rest of your life. Tell them that you're ready to come out to the world and them, especially them, because who loves you better.
Also, don't lose your calm while talking to them. If they're new to the concept, they might be a little worried about you and its okay. It's only their concern for you because they don't want you to end up in any situation where you might blame yourself.
Keep the love you feel for them, right out onto the table, while you talk and let them understand.
Also, do not expect an immediate 'YES' because that is not how things work.
So, the basic mantra would be:
Be Confident, Be Calm, Be Humble, Be Loving and they'll Be Understanding.
All the very best!
~Dream.
lindaisling1
on
Apr 8, 2020
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What a great question! You are a strong, thoughtful person to have asked it. I would first ask what you think might be some ways that would work for your family because you know yourself and them the best. I have 2 children that are homosexual and they were afraid to tell me but I am happy that they trusted me enough to tell me. Has your family ever had a discussion about sexuality? Many families do not and that can make it especially hard to speak up. I explained my children's sexuality to my parents because they asked me to do that. What I said was the following:
Gender and sexuality are inborn and not something that is chosen. Everyone deserves to have a loving relationships where they are treated with respect and kindness. Each person should determine for themselves what those relationships looks like. I invited my parents to speak to my children directly if they could do so in a loving supportive way. I think the fact that I kept the message simple at the outset allowed them to ask questions about homosexuality without feeling uncomfortable. I also shared my love with them. I don't know if that type of conversation is appropriate in your family setting, but you do and I hope that if you stick to facts and keep it simple and are willing to answer questions, that you will do well. Whatever your parent's response you will have given them the chance to hear you and I hope they treat you with love and compassion. If, as sometimes happens, they are not able to accept you, that can be very hurtful. If you have need help in any way as you go forward in your life, I would love to talk with you again.
Anonymous
on
Apr 19, 2020
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The way that I went around it was by explaining that two people of the same gender can love eachother, and then I gave them some online resources so they could learn more about that. Luckily, the response wasn’t negative and I was able to talk to them about the community and the different aspects of being a gay person. I wasn’t ready to say it yet, so I was just speaking as if the person was hypothetical. I talked about famous gay people my parents knew of so they could have a connection somewhere. I let that sit in their minds for a couple days and then I asked them what if their child was gay, how would they react and tried to figure out if the response to me being bisexual would be good or bad. It was a mediocre response, enough so I felt safe if they had the knowledge about my sexuality. Then the next day I sad them down at comfortable times, individually and told them I was bisexual. The response was a relief, and I felt like I had successfully eased them into my coming out. I was lucky that their responses weren’t negative. I wish you luck!!
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