Why doesn't taking care of myself come naturally to me?

If you struggle with feelings of worthlessness or depression, it can become difficult to focus on yourself, or you may lack the energy it takes to take care of your basic needs. It takes energy, and dedication!

Self-care consists of many routine actions and not all of them are interesting or exiting. You need to develop healthy habbits and then self-care will come almost automaticly and won't require much effort. Forming habbits is difficult but it is worth it.

I was raised in a culture that praises the ignoring of ones needs. Even going to the doctor was made out to be a bad thing. If you couldn't "muscle through" you were made out to be weak. I internalized that message and learned to ignore my needs. It took a lot of therapy to undo that damage, but now I am proud of the fact that I take great care of myself.

Taking care of myself doesn't come naturally to me as I never learned that I deserved to take care of myself or indeed, how to do it. I learned how to look after others when I was young. Now that I am an adult, I want to reaffirm my ability and desire to look after myself properly, as and when it is appropriate.

Why do you feel this way? Can you share your thoughts on how you feel about this? Please feel free to share how you feel.

Many people struggle with self care or feel like it doesn't come naturally to them. Often that can happen because when we are children we mirror the behaviour of others towards us. Many adults still walk around with the internalized voices of their parents in their minds. When we grow older it might also happen that other people treat us poorly and we continue to mirror their behaviour towards us. It can also happen that we don't value ourselves or think that we are not worthy of self care. But that is simply not true. Another possibility is that it is difficult, because some people always feel that they have to put other people before themselves to the point that they have nothing left to give. That is not meaningful or maintainable. You can't give someone else water if there is no water in your own cup. Your first responsibility is towards yourself and if you've taken good care of yourself then you have good things to give to other people too. The good news is self care is something that can be learned. It will feel difficult or weird in the beginning and that's okay. Just keep practicing. Start with small and simple things and gradually work towards the bigger things. It's also okay if you struggle to learn it as a habit. It's also part of self care to have grace with yourself. So if you can't do it today you don't have to berate yourself. You can simply tell yourself that you will try again tomorrow. It does get easier.

To some people it doesn't come naturally because they weren't taught that it is an important thing to do. Like me for example. I always learnt that taking care of everyone else is a very good and needed thing, but it made me think that taking care of myself was a stupid and unneeded thing to do. Now I start to know better, because in the end it's all we have. In the end it's just ourselves, so we better make something good out of it. Taking care of yourself, accepting yourself and loving yourself is the most important thing in life.

I can't tell you what your specific reason is since it's different for different people, but I CAN tell you this is really common for many different reasons. If you need help to figure this out, there's no shame in that at all. You're doing really great just by being here and seeking support. You know yourself better than anyone, and it might help to think about the times where you have done better and done worse at taking care of yourself, and identify the differences in your situation. I've been right there with you at times, and I know how awful it feels. Keep your head up and keep reaching out ♡

Sometimes some people are better at taking care of others rather than caring for themselves. Sometimes we forget how important self-care is or know it's important but rather do other things. What makes self-care difficult for you?

It feels like I am not as important as the others around me even though we are all humans and all humans deserve the same amount of love and care. I need to understand my worth sometimes and I know that's okay. I just compare myself to others too much and feel like they deserve more than me. But taking care of me is just too much sometimes and I understand that I need to work on it. Taking care of me is the least I could do for such an amazing soul that's kept me going in life.