When I forgive someone, should I strive to "forgive and forget' and not hold on to pass mistakes or should I "forgive but never forget" and keep my guard up?

The hardest part about pure forgiveness is that you should completely forget about the other's mistake. Once you decide to forgive, you should never by any mean bring up the past again. Do not forgive anyone if you can't let go.

The truth is no one can truly forgive and forget, especially if it was something that took a toll on you. In fact, it's good to remember, it signifies that a lesson was learned. You do not have to keep your guard up, it will naturally happen and gets better with time. The good thing is if you learned your lesson, you will better deal with a novel situation, and may even prevent it from happening again. People will let you down or make mistakes, it's how you deal with it that matters.

I think you need to forgive and forget in the sense that you no longer bring up that issue with the person any more. Constantly bringing up the past shows you haven't forgiven the person for their past mistakes and that causes tension. However, you can still forget, but learn from it. Forgive that individual person, but learn from what hurt you and you may be able to forsee it in the future.

you should always forgive people no matter what they have done to you because Christ forgave us while we were the nails in his hand and his feet and we were the thorns in the crown so if he can come and die and forgive us knowing all of the horrible stuff we were going to be doing in our lives, then there is no reason we cannot forgive our parents for punishing us or hurting us amen

People say it's always best to "forgive and forget" but I find that you should forgive, but don't forget what that person has done. If they are truly sorry and continue to be the person they were before (everyone makes mistakes, right?) then maybe then you can start to let your guard down, but it all depends on the situation at hand in the end.

To forgive that person, and never forget the lesson learnt, is the way to go being wise, And, it is foolishness to forget the lesson learnt in the process of forgiveness.For example, if we ever got cheated on by someone, it's important to learn the lesson, the lesson can be, taking time to know the person well enough or, it can be ,avoiding blind trust, and following the gut feeling ,so that mistake of past must not get repeat. Bottom line, forgive the person, but never forget the lesson.

As clichéd as it sounds, Forgiveness really is a gift we give ourselves. Being hurt or resentful blocks us from being happy and drains us of vital energy. Another Answerer mentioned the importance of 'forgetting' as it relates to no longer bringing the Past to the Present in conversation or through passive aggressive actions, this is a very important piece of the 'forgive and forget' process of healing but it is not the only part. We 'forget' in those physical ways and also in emotional ways. To me, the 'forget' bit means that I no longer have an emotional attachment to what happened. It is simply the story of the Past. I have 'forgotten' the pain when I no longer experience an emotional reaction to the thoughts or the words used to remember or describe the event. This takes time and effort but it is truly liberating. Using wise discretion learned through experience is one of Life's Secrets to Happiness but this is different from keeping a guard up. Everything we experience in Life comes to us through one of two filters - Love and Fear. When we practice Love we use our experiences to make wise decisions for ourselves and others. When we practice Fear by using a guard we become overwhelmed with the desire to avoid pain but just end up shutting out all those beautifully messy opportunities for Growth and Happiness. Keeping our eyes open and our Heart healthy is the only guard we truly need. Best Wishes, Shh

i have always been a person who has been forgiving but never forgetting. i never show that to the world but yes it hurts. they think i might have forgotten it and should give them chances but thats not the case. i remember and its difficult for me at times to accept people when i can't forget what they did to me. not forgetting keeps me aware of their past mistakes so if they do it again and agin i know its not good and i should be walking away. because such people are toxic. it does help but hurts too. but that hurt is temporary, the happiness is forever. the inner peace is forever, because you don't have to deal with the same mistakes again. so maybe its worth it. I'm going to always follow this method because it helping me. very person is different and everyone has a different way to cope up with things. this method may or mayn't apply to them. that is completely their choice.

Striving to forgive seems the more achievable - and more beneficial - than forgetting. I'd go as far to say that the more one strives to forget something, the more one is likely to reinforce the memory than to erase it. Ironically, the act of forgiving is not so much about the other person (ie, the offender) as it is about one's self. It's about acknowledging the hurt, while moving past it as well. To continuously collect and bear the burdens of past ills and injustices throughout our lives is a heavy load we use to punish ourselves. It doesn't even the score and it doesn't shield us from being hurt, though we so often convince ourselves of it's protective powers. We need to develop the skill of learning from past mistakes, betrayals and injuries without letting those memories overwhelm or define us or impede our growth. Lastly, we have to abandon the practice of comparing our pain and suffering with those of others. It's not a competition. One's pain is not delegitimatized because another has endured worse. We all have our issues to contend with and we all need to support one another to heal, adjust and move on.

I forgive not for the other person i forgive for my self because holding on to that anger makes me a person i dont like very much but it takes me a long time to get to that place if some one has hurt me badly!