Should I help someone who hurt me and bad mouthed me in the past? I went into depression due to this person's actions
5 Answers
Moderated by Sarah Robb, LISW-S (Licensed Independent Social Worker, Supervisor Designation) and LICDC (Licenced Chemical Dependency Counselor)
Updated: Mar 23, 2021
Runningamok
on
Aug 12, 2018
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It's a great question. The morally right answer is of course yes. But the human answer is why should I? I think that while morally we are obligated to help others, we should also look to protect and love ourselves at the same time. If the help that you would like to offer does not hurt you further emotionally or physically but instead gives you a sense of relief or release from these bad actions that happened in the past, then I would say by all means do so.
Anonymous
on
Aug 13, 2018
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Forgiving someone is difficult especially forgiving someone who hurts you so badly. But the thing is, the best revenge is not with being bad to someone else but with being nice through our kindness.
Anonymous
on
May 13, 2019
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Sometimes it is better to forgive even in tough times where the person words affected you a lot throughout your life. Although forgiveness help clean our heart from hatred enabling us to feel the light of life, this in return helps makes us better people and it makes the things that made us suffer weaker than us. It builds us to be stronger and better as individuals, as well as makes you an inspiration and role model to many people in the world. Forgiving someone who once was your weakness makes you stronger than they’ll ever be because getting better will make them jealous because they still have their negativity with them.
PeacefulOnes
on
Nov 30, 2020
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Unless they've apologized and genuinely made up for how they wronged you, you should absolutely not help them. That would be an act of grave injustice on your part seeing as how they not only did nothing to earn your help, but they also went out of their way to actively treat you badly in the past. If this person is still in your life for some reason, then I would strongly urge you to cut them out as a matter of preserving your own self-esteem. I mention self-esteem here because I think you'd look upon yourself with great respect if you choose to draw a clear line in the sand as far as this situation goes.
Anonymous
on
Mar 23, 2021
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It sounds so difficult to go through depression because of how someone has treated you and I thank you for reaching out! You have the power to make your own choice in who you decide to help! You are not responsible for helping anyone but yourself. So please think about what your boundaries are. If you want to help them you can but if this will be emotionally exhausting for you and doesn't feel worth it there is no obligation to support them. Ask yourself if you believe in giving people a second chance. If they have apologized and you accept their apology and want to be part of their life again then there is no harm in helping out if that's what you wish to do. You may be a good samaritan as you believe in being prosocial but you might want to ask yourself if you are putting others needs before your own. Your mental health is your priority. It's not selfish to have boundaries, please know this! There are sites out there dedicated towards those seeking help for depression such as Mind, Positive Psychology, Anxiety and Depression Association for America (ADAA), Hope for Depression Research Foundation, and National Alliance on Mental illness. If experiencing thoughts about death and self-isolation from loved ones you urgently need access a crisis resource: National Suicide Prevention Helpline.
You are welcome to reach out to one of our listeners our online therapists on our site for support! Hoping you feel in a better place soon!
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