Whenever my mom hurts me emotionally I scratch myself to remind myself the pain she caused I’m me is that bad?

It isn't necessarily bad, and you are not bad either. You're a survivor, and that is highly respectable. Self-harm is a coping mechanism for pain. It's like aspirin for painful emotions. Nonetheless, it is not a pleasant place to be. You must be very strong, it takes a lot for a person to be willing to scratch themselves to cope with pain. You're so brave to come here and seek out solutions! I believe that under the right conditions people can grow and heal from emotional damage. If you are in a stuck place, a therapist who is empathic, congruent, and genuine can work wonders. If it is possible for you I would recommend talking with a professional, they may be able to help you find emotional freedom from this painful situation.