When do i get to stop making everyone else happy?

I also find it hard to choose myself before someone else, so I totally understand this question. I think you its important that you focus on yourself first. Saying 'No' when you're not feeling okay with doing something or just because you want some time for yourself, is already a good excercise for this. Its important that you learn the first priority is you, and of course you can help people around you, but its important to take some time for yourself. And, you can make people happy, with YOU being happy. Its not always about literally helping people, sometimes its just about being around and smile

When it starts ruining my life and messing up my mental health. I've been a people pleaser for a long time now and I'm trying to be better about fixing that. 7cups has helped me help people feel better, which in turn helps me stop pleasing people irl. My Dad had made me feel the need to be a people pleaser and make him happy, to get love, which only this year I've recognized. I'm trying to work on that, and it's a rough journey, but one step at a time. My Mother is also working on this, however I'm having to push her more.

You are under no obligation to make others happy. You can not control the emotions or feelings of another, only your own emotions and feelings are within your control. It is not your duty to make others happy, comfortable or even content, only yourself. Practice looking after yourself. Put yourself first and learn to use the word NO frequently. If you don't want to do something, like covering someone at work for example, you are well within your right to refuse without an explanation. You can't pour from an empty cup so remember to frequently top it up through self-care.

Now. You do not have to focus on making other people happy first, your focus should be on making yourself happy first. I understand that you may feel the need to put other people first, but remember that you should be your first priority. When you put others first, you might end up sacrificing your own happiness, which should not happen. You have to remember that some people are not who you think they are, they might just be using you to feel better about themselves. So, put yourself first, put your happiness first and do not feel bad about doing it.

I think it is important to go about this in a different mindset. Possibly, take your opportunities of making other people happy and look at them in a positive light. Instead of looking at it in a dreadful manner, praise yourself for the good deeds you are doing for others. But, if you feel that you are making everyone else happy and you, yourself, are not happy, you can seek change. It is possible that the people you are hanging around with are too self consumed and you may need to look for people who can give back the same love that you are giving to them.

That is up to you! I know it makes me happy when I have the chance to make someone else happy. But only when its by my choice. If I am being made to feel like its a job or a chore to make keep someone else happy that takes away from the returned happy feelings I receive. Its up to you how far you take the task. It should not feel like work, it should not cause you harm to make someone happy, it should be rewarding. Making sure that you too get something out of the task can make it worth it.

The point at which you get to stop trying to make everyone else happy (and note that I said 'trying to'; not actually procuring others' happiness) is the point where you ask yourself 'am I happy to continue running myself ragged like this? Am I making myself happy? Or am I trying to pre-empt and possibly control people's responses?'. There isn't an actual set point at which you are given permission to be relieved from that burden, but there comes a point where you give yourself permission to stop feeling like you have responsibility and/or control over everything and everyone.

One day I realized that what truly mattered to me wasn't to society. The goals that our family set for us arn't always what we need. What TV shows try to sell us isn't always what we really want. I looked deep down inside of me wondering what it was I truly wanted to do with my life. What was my personal purpose ? I would like to make this world a better place where everybody feels accepted, valued, loved. I want people to get rid of shame, guilt and fear. I decided to live accordingly to my own values even when it meant I had to go against what one could call "common sense". I do not care much about owning the prettiest, cleanest and tidiest flat : I just want a place that feels safe, personal, warm and welcoming to the people I love. A shelter, you could say. I go by some principles like, if you own something that is too precious/expensive to be loaned to a stranger, I should no have it at all. I do not care about being the prettiest, hottest person in the room, it is not my job nore my passion. I just want to feel comfortable in my body and cloths. I would like to be inspirational to others and I believe that the best way to do so is to live accordingly to what is truly important to me, not because of what others value, because it allows other people to think "I can do it too, I can be just who I truly am, deep inside".

Maybe it's a case of when do you yourself get to become happy? It can seem very unfair is everybody else around you appears to be happy, or content in what they are doing - especially if you yourself are struggling with issues or are generally unhappy. At the end of the day everybody deserves to be happy, and that includes you and it might just be that you need to explore why you feel you don't either need to be/have the right to be happy, perhaps connect with a listener and see if someone can help you explore that.

i mean, who told you to? your life, your choice. yeah you should make people happy but if it interferes in yours, don't hesitate to stop it. you care for their happiness, i care for yours. tell people you need a space of your own. talk to people and make yourself lighter. stop living for others. sad but you don't have a hundred years, so why should you waste it for others? don't stop it fully, just give yourself a day or so every week or month. stop making people happier who make you feel inferior and broken. care for those who really worth your time and love. YOLO!