What do I do when my husband ignores me?
182 Answers
Moderated by Maria Wasielewski, Master of Arts in Counseling and Guidance, University of Arizona
Updated: May 11, 2022
jessicajessica
on
Aug 15, 2018
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It's always hard when your partner isn't available to provide you with the physical and emotional support you're looking for.
When you feel ignored, the first thing is to evaluate the way you're asking for the other person's attention. The goal is to ask for what you want in a way that the other person is able to hear and respond to.
Consider this example: Your friend hasn't seen you for a while and wants to have a night out with you.
"You're never around when I want to hang out! Why don't you like to go out with me?"
"We haven't seen each other for a while."
"I miss you! Let's get together this weekend."
Which would you rather respond to? The first one is obviously problematic because it starts off with blame. The second one is also wrong because it states the problem but doesn't give the listener a solution. The last one is the best- it outlines the problem (I miss you) and provides a solution (let's get together).
When your partner ignores you, start with an "I" statement and end with an offered solution:
"I've had a hard day and I'd like to talk about it with you."
"When you get home from work/school, I feel ignored when you don't come and say hi to me."
"I'd like it if we could just hang out and talk more often. Can we try to schedule a time every day to catch up?"
The next step is to accept their response. Everyone's personality is different, and your partner may need quiet space without talking in order to process their day. Your partner may not realize you feel ignored.
When you both have different needs, you as a couple need to be able to compromise to meet both of your needs. This happens especially in the context of dealing with stress or a fight. Usually one person wants to talk about the stress or process after the fight, while the other person prefers to manage stress or fights by separating and isolating until they feel in control of their emotions.
It's important to recognize that both ways of dealing with difficult situations are valid and positive. Neither is better or healthier than the other. You need to understand the way you work as well as the way your partner works. He may not be able to engage with you in the way you want when he's feeling stressed or overwhelmed. You may need to accept his need for space and isolation while he manages his emotions. But he may need to stretch himself by engaging and processing with you after he's had some space to reflect. That's the nature of compromise with a relationship.
Ana4hear
on
Sep 4, 2018
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I pamper myself. As I understand everyone needs a personal time for themselves, if it happens with my husband and he ignores me, I try to use this time for myself. I watch television or read a book, I like painting so depending on the time and my mood also I choose my activity. Sometimes I go for a walk. I spend time with my son. If the ignorance is bothering me a lot sometimes I send him messages on mobile what hurt me, sometimes I share it after the situation changes. I also share the bothering events with my in laws if necessary.
Blink182andNirvana
on
Oct 19, 2018
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Communication is key. Does he know he's ignoring? Is it possible he doesn't realize? It's important to tell him how he is affecting you and how it makes you feel so you can work towards fixing it together. Sometimes we hurt each other without realizing. Without communicating how you feel and letting him know what he's doing, you can resolve this issue or feel better. Alternatively, he could be ignoring you because of something going on in his mind. Maybe he doesn't know how to open up and ask for help or a listening ear when he needs. Sometimes they need the help.
SaltWaterSoul
on
Nov 18, 2018
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Have you tried talking with your husband, in a non-confrontational manner, about how this makes you feel? I would recommend being honest about how this makes you feel. Sometimes we feel ignored by the other person, and it’s just a miscommunication. Maybe the two of you just need to establish some boundaries. By that, I mean set clear ideas about when and even how you need him to pay attention. It could be that he finds it hard to interact immediately after he gets home from work, or during his favorite TV time. If so, then agree that unless it’s urgent you won’t disturb that time, but in return he agrees to set aside 30 minutes before bed to be absolutely present to hear whatever you have to say. You need to find the plan that works for you, but be willing to listen to his side as well.
bestFreedom28
on
Nov 30, 2018
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The best thing to do is concentrate on yourself, do things you love whatever makes you happy, if you push him about it chances are he'll only drift away. Although talking to him about, it should make it better. After all he's your husband and there's no one better to discuss it with than him. However being in a marriage can be difficult and he may just need some space, try doing that and if, after a while you think the situation hasn't changed, talk to him again. If conversations doesn't help you, that is if he isn't much talkative or cannot express his feelings, seek a counselor maybe. Hope that helps.
Kookiesandmilk101
on
Dec 27, 2018
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remember to ask him if there is anything wrong between the both of you or is something else bothering him way too much.Talk to him about all the issues and try to sort it out.Remember to use your words wisely otherwise it might break out into a fight which you don't want.Remember to stay calm and talk properly and be nice. Don't start ignoring him too and that might lead somewhere else which you don't want.Talk and communicate as soon as possible before it becomes into a daily routine.You can maybe go for marriage counselling too and talk to women around you who are married for their opinions.
Anonymous
on
Feb 14, 2019
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I try to stay calm and approach him to ask what’s wrong and that I feel that we haven’t been talking as much. Or ask him if he is ignoring me directly. Give space. Sometime I cook up his favorite meal and talk to him when he is in a happy mood. Communication is very important. Sometimes giving space and time to my spouse really helps him approach me instead of me asking him. There are times when he has time to think all by himself and realize that he may be ignoring me or not giving me attention and then he brings it up himself and tells me what’s wrong or why he was behaving the way he was behaving.
Jackxist
on
May 6, 2019
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Try thinking of ways you could deal with this situation, Maybe come up with a solution or an idea that will benefit both of you. It is best for you to come up with your own answer as I am unsure of the situation you are in and you are more of an expert on your life than I am and It would be the best for both parties if you both come up with a solution on your own. Try thinking why he is ignoring you and use that information from what you think to come up with a suitable solution.
AnnieBE
on
Jun 27, 2019
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It depends on whether or not he’s approachable. If he is, try talking with him about how you feel when he ignores you. You might say something like: I feel (blank) when you ignore me. You’re taking responsibility for your feelings Instead of blaming him for them. It doesn’t mean it’s okay to ignore you. Whether or not he pays attention to you, is his responsibility. You are in charge of your reactions.
It can be helpful to find friends and other support systems where you feel your voice is heard. In the process, you might find new and effective ways to ask for your husband’s attention as a result.
AdmirableGrace
on
Aug 23, 2019
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You could have a one-on-one talk with him. Maybe he's avoiding you because he has pressure from work? Sometimes men need the space to think and relax. Allow him that time.
However, if you feel something else is going on, it's better you confront him about it. Hear him out as to why he's treating you like the way he is. Maybe something you have done offended him? Talking about it might clear out the misunderstanding that is going on. Be patient with him too. Tell him how you are feeling gently. Give him the time so that he opens out to you about it. I hope everything will go well for you. :)
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