My father has another wife and cmhildren, I already resent him for it, I am scared and go with him to visit them and the recent eid was no exception, I don’t want to live with him or even look athim?

It is really hard when we're experiencing a situation like yours. I passed through something similar, so I can understand how it feels. I cannot give you any suggestion as it is your life, and what to do it is upon you. But I can openly offer you to listen and give you my companion and understanding in this issue. Just letting you know that you're not alone, and also, what you're feeling is not wrong, you're just human and your feelings are totally right and valid in this situation. Sending you a warm hug, and hope to hear about you very soon.