How to stop hating your little brother?
Anonymous
on
Sep 23, 2016
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From experiencing the exact same challenge in my own life, I can say with utmost confidence that what was most helpful to me was focusing as hard as I did on becoming a person I could truly be proud of, and doing so by getting better and better at showing love to others at all times, even in the face of adversity. To those who sought to do me harm or be hurtful influences in my life, I realized that the thing that was holding me back from becoming that ultimate version of myself was the desire to have people think, feel, act, and speak in the ways that were congruent with the standard I was choosing to hold on to about life. This included speaking to me with kindness and respect, acting towards me with companionship and a desire to do things my way, and reacting to me with admiration or other forms of positive attention. After putting forth an effort to be more sincere about the meaning behind the choices I was making, I realized that, by holding on to those expectations, I was being unloving towards others by intruding upon their own ability to make their own choices. I realized that no one is obligated to do the things I want them to do or in the way I want them done, nor is anyone else obligated to find any value in the choices I myself make in life, and expecting them to yield to an obligation that didn't exist was preventing me from being in tune to ways in which I could truly be helpful to others. I feel that help, as with love, should be unconditional; I don't see it as truly helpful when someone assists another person with something, but only to get something out of them in return, even the reaction of appreciation or the guarantee that they'll use the help to better their own life. Rather, I feel that one is truly loving when they approach others in a way in which they only want to improve their ability to do good and show kindness, and whatever the other person wants to make of it, that's up to them. It is simply known that, when an opportunity arises to be helpful - and, as such, be loving - to someone, one should grow their ability to be helpful by taking advantage of those opportunities. That's what I wanted to do - grow my ability to recognize opportunities to be helpful to others, then have the courage to take them, even in the face of adversities like cruelty or the refusal to be appreciative. I felt, and still feel, that if I could get good at that, at being someone who's never afraid of and can never be deterred from being helpful by showing love and kindness, then I could, with absolute sincerity, call myself someone I was proud of being. As I now live my life in that way, reacting in that way towards my own little brother, he still chooses to be the hurtful and abusive person he always has been, but his efforts no longer reach me like they used to, nor do I feel inadequate or at a loss with myself after I've reacted to his cruelty. I speak and act only in loving, peaceful ways, and while he gives me no indication that he acknowledges or appreciates any of my efforts, I still feel stronger inside, because I know that, even in the face of adversity, I had the courage and strength of will to demonstrate the knowledge I had gained about life - that at no time are we meant to be unloving towards one another, not even when we are denied love by others. My brother is free to make his own choices, and I have no power over that freedom. What I do have power over, though, are my own choices, and by choosing to always show love, I've become someone stronger, someone who isn't led astray by other peoples' desires to have me feel what they want or react to things in the ways they want. That's what I see as strength, and arriving at that level of strength all started by me being sincere about the weakness and lack of love in the choices I was initially making when I would hold on to hating my brother and wanting him to live up to the standards I was choosing to hold on to. By removing those standards from my life, I became aware of the fact that I am a guest in my brother's life, that I had no ability to change him to begin with, and at the same time, he was a guest in my life, and by holding on to my own confidence and demonstrating the simple things I knew to be true about life and love, he would be left with no ability to change me either.
Saifbeinghelper
on
Sep 23, 2016
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if you want to stop hating your little brother or start loving him than focus on your maturity rather than his immaturity , start loving his immaturity rather than proud of your maturity....feel free to share him your problems and at least as he is your brother , he will try to sort it out. even if he started to hate you , you love him for some time than he will be yours forever because heart is meant for melting and after all who can understand better than your brother....thanks.
Luckyman
on
Sep 26, 2016
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Just look at him and appreciate the fact that he is your blood and flesh and one of the most valuable human being around you, which will grow up and have your back indescriminately
AlwaysLoveOthers
on
Oct 2, 2016
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Perhaps start to see the good in him, or rather what good he can be? Instead of seeing him as something worthy of your hate, because although on many levels you might feel he deserves that hate from you, it only makes you more hurt
Anonymous
on
Oct 9, 2016
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Having feelings of dislike towards a sibling is really common, especially in younger years. When you live with people, such as your siblings, it can get very aggravating when they may be going through your things or getting into your business, because people as a whole are generally very private. All you should do is try and think of the reasons that you love your brother (e.g. think of the good things that he's done for you, or ways that he's shown you love) and know that as you get older and mature, your relationships will grow stronger!
AliaHani
on
Oct 12, 2016
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Try seeking for their best not their bad. Theyre human. Humans do thing they are not sure if it fit everyone. Be generous, take it easy, understand them as a human being.
truthSeeker71
on
Oct 15, 2016
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By trying to understand that our little brother's behaviour isn't personal. Remember what it was like to be his age..
Pillow89
on
Oct 19, 2016
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How to stop hating your brother? Well what I will do is stay away from him. or find something you guess both like and see how you guys can come together. Like what do your brother do that you hate him.
Anonymous
on
Oct 19, 2016
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I think you really have to stop and look at where he is coming from. Really spend time looking at the good in him. Talk to him about what you're upset with about him. Try to come to an understanding.
Anonymous
on
Oct 22, 2016
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Of course, there could be many reasons as to why someone might "hate" a little brother, and even every person's definition of "hate" may vary. Ultimately, you know your feelings best. Do you feel frustrated about your little brother? Do you feel angry? Do you feel safe around your brother? Is there something you want to say to your little brother or to your parents but can't? Do you feel this way towards many others, or perceive that others feel this way about you? How do you feel about hating your brother? You seem to want to stop - do you not want to hate your little brother? I imagine not wanting to is an amazing first step. Ask yourself many questions, and be patient with yourself, and open with yourself, and try not to judge yourself too harshly for you can always start being the person you want to be. Eventually you may find a way to cope with your brother without feeling hatred. If it starts to interfere iwth your day-to-day life, it's okay to ask a counsellor or therapist for help.
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