How can I tell my mother in law to back off?

Do what you feel is best for you and when confronted with anger or dissatisfaction by your mother in law use the power of the "I" statements.

Maybe just sit down and talk to her while being gentle and firm. It is very important to keep a good relationship with the in-laws. Just explain to her your side .

Tell her that her involvement in your relationship is affecting to you and your relationship and you and your partner (his son) need to work through your issues. Let her know you appreciate and love her but you both need to make mistakes on your own and build your relationship without her involvement. Basically let her know how you feel about her involvement and that there needs to be some boundaries. Tell her your willing to sit down and work out some boundaries if she is willing so that everyone will be happy and live in peace. How things is going is not healthy for you, relationship and her. Do it in a loving way, cast no judgments and try not to bring up the past. No matter what, no argument, speak in a respectable manner. let her feel value as you need peace so its important she feels value and love

First make sure your wife is on the same page. Secondly she probably should be the one to talk to her mother. Third, keep it respectful and that you do value her opinion and know she ultimately probably only wants what is best for you, but you two have to be the ones figure out your lives.

Telling family members to back off is always tricky, because they rarely take it well. Is having your spouse speak to mom an option, or at least both of you together discussing your concern?

It is natural for your mother-in-law to be very involved at times, especially when she's attached to her child. Firmly, but politely, you should communicate to her how and why you don't like her involvement. As important as she is as a mother to your partner, she should know that your partner is important to you too.

I know you are trying to be helpful mom but (I) we (am) are trying find (my) our way together. Thank you for your concern but I have this situation covered right now.

Gently. Try it out with your husband or wife. You should choose the right words to get your point across so she won't be offended

It can be difficult! The best thing to do is talk it through with your partner and just be polite.

The best thing to do is to talk to her about your feelings, and what is bothering you. Try not to cause conflict between the two of you, it will only strain your relationship/s.