How can I tell my mother in law to back off?

I understand that you have the best intentions and you love us very much. But please understand and respect that we want to live our lives as we want to. We love you very much.

I'm afraid you can't. Not in any polite way that is. Just try to be respectful and tell her you need boundaries

I'd tell her how her behaviour is making you feel and ask her what she would do in that situation.

You Can sit down with her and try and have a Productive conversation where you explain that you would prefer if she not "helicopter" and try and do it in a respectful manner. You may feel like you can't talk to her, but expressing your thoughts are an essential part to you building your relationship with her. You have to approach her at an apprpriate time, where you both are in a relaxed setting and are not stressed or in a high-string mood. Afterwards, if you are able to approach her where she isn't in a stressed mood, try and explain to her your feelings and preferences. The key is to not get defensive and to remain calm.

Mother in law's have a bad habit of overstepping their boundaries. They like to think that they're helpful, but really you just need some space which will be best for you and your family. Telling your mother in law to back of should be done respectfully and privately, describing exactly what's making you frustrated and how she can still be a part of your life but not too invasively. Sometimes mother's in law just need to be told when it's getting too much. And you can always recruit your partner's assistance. Sometimes mother in law's don't react well to politeness and therefore it's okay to be harsher until you achieve what's best for your family even if it's hard to confront her.

There are two ways to do this. The first is to talk with your husband and see if he agrees with you and can talk with his mother. The second is to talk with your mother-in-law yourself. In both cases, it is better to start the conversation when nothing has just happened so you have the lead and are not just reacting to some instant problem. Start with your feelings: "I am overwhelmed when [this] happens / I have a problem dealing with [that] because it sounds as if you (or she) thought that [...] and I wonder how you feel about this. You might do well to write down what you need (or do NOT need) and rehearse so the words are already in your head when you get to that conversation. It could well be that your mother-in-law is just too kind and absolutely wants to be helpful, but I understand that it might be too much in the long run. Make sure you leave her some slack so you can get along. Another way, if you have a father-in-law or siblings-in-law, is to talk with them too along the same lines. As long as you do not talk in anger and keep things neutral, you'll be able to get your message across.

If my intentions are clear, I don't have to be scared to ask her to back off. After all she's my mother-in-law,a mother,she has to know what I feel

Just speak to her privately and talk to her in a calm manner; don't speak to her in an abusive way and don't get physical.

You can request her politely. Fighting with grandmother violently will make the relation tough. Always try to maintain relation.

This is about setting boundaries. We can tell mother-in-law that we are ok doing what we are doing and nicely request that she don't get involve in it. Sometimes, it'll take being firm and reinstating what you needed from your mother-in-law. It could start out as "I would like to..." or "I can handle it".