How can I tell my mother in law to back off?

This is a difficult one. On the one hand you want to maintain a good, or at least cordial relationship with your mother in law, since she raised your spouse and provided him/her a childhood. On the other hand, I can understand how frustrating it becomes if you have a mother in law who for instance, gives unsolicited advice, appears jealous, is constantly critical, controlling, or, if you have children, hovering over your newborn/toddler/child in a way you may not like, among other things that may be perceived as unwelcome behaviour. When you want to tell your mother in law to "back off", it seems that you're trying to establish some healthy boundaries; perhaps letting her know what is acceptable, and what is not, in your home. A perspective I find helpful is to remember that a mother in law is likely dealing with issues, or insecurities, or past hurts herself - which may shed light to why she behaves the way she does. Sometimes she may even be angry at your spouse - but somehow the anger is transferred over to you. Her words, or actions, though aim at you like a target, may have nothing to do with you at all, but instead is her way to express her own pain. Or sometimes, I realise I am dealing with pain of my own, so that I perceive my mother in law's words or gestures more unkindly than they actually are. There are, of course, times when we really do need to tell a mother in law to "back off", especially when a line has been crossed, or when there's for instance, bullying. What I find effective, is to discuss with my spouse what's bothering me. He knows his mother best - and may offer insight into the way she behaves, or at least a history of the same behaviour. This helps me take it less personally. It's also helpful to get his empathy - so that he understands what behaviours of his mother are pushing my buttons. My spouse then acts as the liaison to discuss with his mother what behaviours of hers are unloving and unacceptable, and the reasons why. I find it's easier for my mother in law to hear from her own son. This has been an effective method that has helped us establish healthy boundaries with the mother in law. But of course, our relationship is far from perfect! We are working towards building a better and better relationship.

Well, I will be polite but quietly ensure that my personal space is not disturbed. Closing my room door and making it clear in a dignified but respectful way that I am busy and need to be left alone for some time to work is how I will go a out it. Ensuring that my husband understands and is supportive of me and can explain to her that I am as important to him, just as she is and will always be to him and he can be happy only if both of us keep to unwritten boundaries of common decency in our relations to each other. This can be done without any kind of emotional blackmail. I will first handle it myself with the lady and only let my husband get involved, if unable to go through with it or if she gets too agressive.

Try to ignore her, and if she confronts you tell her why you are. Don’t let her make you feel less worthy, as she’s not the one who should be deciding that. Also, try not to start any unnecessary drama that you will regret later on. I’m sorry you have to deal with that, and I hope that it all turns out well. If drama does happen then know that it’s not your fault of course. Distancing yourself would be the best option because it will give you time to think of what to say, and it will give you the space you need.

It all depends on the way you tell her to do so. A mother will always care for her daughter, so telling her you understand why she is pushy with both of you is a good start. Then, of course, it may not work, but always remember to see the situation her way before exposing yours! Someone who feels understood will tend to be more comprehensive in turn. Your common ground is the love you have for her daughter/your girlfriend. I don't really know what happened between your mother-in-law and yourself, but you can always get around some touchy details by being compassionate and respectful. Of course, if your mother-in-law is not as compassionate and respectful as yourself, you won't be able to do much, but what matters is how you behave, because that is the only thing you will be able to change at the end of the day. I hope it sounds logical to you and wish this situation changes so that you all have a happy life :)

Mother in laws can definitely be tough. It can be hard to keep the peace, but I find that a simple "I know we have our differences but we both love the same man/woman so let's just try to be civil. We have different opinions on things and that's perfectly okay but I still deserve to be respected and I appreciate my space!" It's always tricky to say this because you are worried about how it will turn out but if you just stay calm and focus on the fact that you love the same person I am sure that she will understand! Hope this helped and everything goes well :)

I think a thing to do is to talk to your partner, express how your feeling in a way that shows you care about their mom but tell them what you need, for example "I love your mom but I feel shes overstepping (then say how shes crossing boundaries " then I would explain in what way she needs to 'back off' that may be shes around to often, pry's into your private life or insults your family. If you want to talk to her yourself I wouldn't go behind your spouses back seeing as this could create conflict, but I hope all goes well!

These sort of things are best received when they are communicated in a non-accusatory way. You can start by gently letting your mother in law know that you have been feeling overwhelmed by her and that while she might mean well, you need some more space. Try not to use statements that are accusing her of something, as this can make her defensive. Use "I" statements and focus on how you've been feeling and what your needs are going forward. If there are any positive aspects of your relationship or things you appreciate about your mother in law, you can defuse potential defensiveness by highlighting these. An example would be "I know you just care a lot about your son/daughter and want the best for them and I really appreciate that about you, but I need some more space".

There should be a clear line of communication between you and your family members. The first step would be establishing this line of communication. Making your home a safe space to talk about issues such as boundaries. The next step would be establishing that there is an existing problem that needs to be addressed. One of the best things you can do is communicate the problem and discuss ways to get past it. Make sure that both sides of the story are in the air and properly listened to before addressing solutions, otherwise more problems may arise, making the situation more than it was initially.

Try to ask her to have a conversation with you, and discuss how she makes you feel. The two of you can work together to create a solution. If you use an aggressive approach, she may not be as open to working with you. Stay firm in your beliefs, but come in a calm manner. In your conversation, try to figure out why she is acting a certain way. Maybe there is more to her side of the story as well. If you are hoping to keep the relationship, she will be able to see that if you show her you are.

With an overbearing mother-in-law, sometimes the best way to smooth things over is to have a discussion with your spouse. If you both aren't on the same page, you may hurt your relationship with both of them. Alternatively, if you are both on the same page you are able to confide in each other when she is overbearing. It also will make you feel more sane, knowing that you aren't alone. Explaining to her how her actions are affecting you may ultimately lead to great discussion and an understanding of why she is acting the way she is. Sometimes she may not even know her actions are hurtful or destructive. Communication is key!