How can I tell my mother in law to back off?

Be polite and tell her the relationship isn't hers and to step back do be tamed by her be confident and strong bold

It is normal to have a mother in law who interferes, although that doesn't make it any easier. Good for you to try to figure this out. It depends on what type of relationship you have with her, but sometimes it takes a diplomatic and firm conversation about what you do and don't need from her. If it is very explosive, it might be best to let your spouse intervene to work through a peaceful negotiation.

So, I guess saying: “Back Off, Mother-in-Law!” is not an option. Things can be very stressful and exhausting, especially if your mother in law is not quite aware of what she is doing to you. Let’s look at other things you can do. Of course suggestions will depend on what sort of backing off we are talking about, whether it is about attempts at controlling your life, or constant criticism, or being there all the time. You may have already tried the following: 1/ a calm, compassionate approach to try to put across to her how her behaviour is affecting you (which I grant you requires pretty high zen levels, not always available after a long hard day’s work!). If that didn’t work, or is not yet the time to do, you can 2/ spend some time with a listener on 7 cups, to explore various options and get to understand maybe the underlying reasons, different scenarios, and basically to get a load off your chest with one of us. That may not bring immediate solutions, but it brings some relief, which is always a good thing. Meanwhile, as little emergency joker card, I can share with you something i did with a friend who, like me, had a particularly overbearing and formidable mother that caused us quite a bit of wanted misery: that friend and I secretly played what we called “mum-bingo”: when we were stressed about a get together with our respective mothers, we would try to think in advance of the hurtful or aggravating words that we were likely to be exposed to, or intrusions in our privacy, etc and if it did happen later, we’d mentally award ourselves “points” for predicting right: for example, we’d predict that we’d hear that our sisters were more successful than us. Then if we heard: “your sister got a new car, pity you are stuck that old one of yours ” (or equivalent), hop, that was 10 points. This way we got through difficult evenings much less affected by whatever was said or done. It sounds a bit silly, I know, but to end up secretly smiling after hearing something that would normally make you cry, that felt rather good, it gave me a bit of control over the situation. not something to do all the time of course, just a bit of relief, also a way to observe and see a situation in a different light, avoid extra stress and not say anything hurtful yourself. Do reach out to listeners here, if you feel things are getting really stressful for you and you can’t see a solution, if you aren’t doing it already. You may even get to a point where you fully understand why your mother in law does what she does, which will get you in a position where you can alter the situation for the better. Good luck!

Go up to her and tell her how you feel in a really honest way. Make sure you are not rude or agressive though.

Just be honest with her. Don't curse or say mean things but make her understand what you want from her.

In this circumstance, I will go ahead and assume that the mother-in-law is a representation of "overbearing expectations". When another person demonstrates unreasonable expectations from you, or who repeatedly delves into affairs that you feel are personal, They are both crossing your personal boundaries and also judging your lifestyle harshly. Your instinct to feel intruded upon, to feel judged poorly, and to feel the need to oppose or resist adimently are rooted in some very legitimate and rational responses. You can try to empathize and reach understanding, "Marideth, why do you insist on verbally putting me down in front of the kids? Do you think they won't understand how harmful that is?" Point out how their words and behavior has crossed reasonable boundaries, "You raised your own kids. Now I will raise mine. You can believe I'm wrong, but you can't swoop in and take over my life." And certainly speak to your spouse about how their mother's behavior effects you, "Robert, your mom is really judgemental. She puts me down around the kids and tries to swoop in and 'rescue' our children when I'm doing a great job of raising them. Can you talk to her for me?" Avoid the temptation to become confrontational. Reacting in an abusive, or harmful way may seem justified, but it only grinds down your own self-image and the image others have of you. Be empathic, but be strong. Be understanding, but set boundaries.

Maybe having a sit down expressing how you feel about her actions will either help resolve the reasons you want her to back off or show that you need more space. Remember that is still your partner's Mum, and although you feel she is intrusive, you cannot place him in the middle of your feelings towards her. Now if he has expressed similar feelings, it may be best they speak to her privately but in the same manner I described so she doesn't feel attacked. Otherwise you will both end up with more problems if she feels she is being attacked by one or both of you. Goodluck!

if she does something tell her to please leave me alone if that doesn't help threaten with calling the police you need to put a restraing order on them and that way she can't come and see you or touch you then you can caal the police if she does touch you will having the restrainting order a mother in law should not abuse or do anything to hurt you that is the law anywhere. if it persits then move somewhere esle move in with your anut somewhere far away form where she is becuase she won't know where you are at then

This can be a really tough one. What can be hardest about this is trying to understand your mother in law's point of view. Whether it feels like she is interfering with the way you raise your children or the way in which you decorate your home, it can feel like an invasion of your independence. For the moment, place yourself outside of your feelings of hurt. Become impartial and unbiased and ask yourself what may be going through your mother in law's mind at this time. Do you think she is worried? Has she lost some control? Perhaps, she is afraid that her son/daughter will no longer need the person that brought them into this world. These are really scary and tormenting thoughts and can cause people to act thoughtlessly or speak out of turn. Perhaps the next time you or her clash, ask her if everything is OK, tell her that you care about how she is, and say that you value her input, even if that might be the last thing you want to say. It might help her feel reassured.

In my personal experience, I've found an email conversation/letter to be the best way to accomplish this. Start off by being compassionate and appreciative. Tell your mother in law all the things you are thankful for and all the times that you have been happy. I can understand that for some people this is hard. Not everyone is universally more positive than negative. But appreciating your mother in law is not to make her feel better (though, yes, it will), it is to get her mind open to accept your point of view. After you've shown that you can appreciate the efforts of your in-law, tell her in "I" sentences not "you" sentences what it is that you want. Don't say "You are too involved in my life" or "You are too controlling". Say "At this moment, I think I need a little more space to figure out my problems and my solutions. I appreciate your input, but I think I just need to figure this out by myself" or "I appreciate your input, however, I think this is one of those things I'm going to have to figure out by myself." Or even, "I really appreciate you being there for me and my family. We just need to spend some time alone to build the bonds you had in your family". It's tough to offer compliments to someone you feel antagonized by, but believe me, it facilitates in opening your mind to the positives in the situation as well as the person you're speaking to. Nothing is black and white. The more we appreciate the greys, the better we are at communicating and coming up with a solution.