Why is it so hard to be open when I fall in to a depressive episode?

We often feel as if we must deal with things alone, as if in some way this makes us a stroger perperson, when in reality it often does quite the opposite,

sometimes you may feel like no one will understand what you're going through or you don't know how to tell a person which is perfectly understandable that's why it may help to tell people you don't know about your problems as they will help you without being judgmental.

It's a natural reaction when we get depressed to isolate ourselves. Mainly because we either dont think anyone will understand, we dont want to bother others with why we are depressed, or we think we can manage it on our own. the best thing to do when we start feeling this way is to find someone we can trust and in a sense force ourselves to be open and honest with them.

Because in depression you want to keep all of your low feelings bottled up because you dont want to be a burden to others

One of the symptoms of depression is a very low self-esteem. Feeling as though you are not good enough, that your life is a mess and feeling as though you cannot see any positives about yourself or your life can go a long way to making you feel as though your thoughts and feelings are not 'important enough' or 'right' to be heard by anyone else. There is also the aspect of feeling deeply vulnerable when you open up to others. Opening up to another person when you are feeling depressed and so worthless can mean you feel even more vulnerable. Unfortunately, there are still many people who do not believe mental illness is real and they diminish or dismiss peoples experiences with mental illness. If you have been raised within a community that predominantly shares this point of view it is understandable that you would feel reluctant to open up about your experiences with depression or any other mental illness. One of the most important things is that you have recognised that you find it hard to open up while feeling depressed. This means that you now know what to work on. It is a brave and self-aware step that you have taken. To start on working on this challenge you may find it helpful to examine what it is you are thinking when presented with the opportunity to open up to someone while experiencing depression and you are finding it difficult. In care and support.

Because you feel like nobody understand you and nobody can help you.It is normal to think this way it doesnt mean it is true.

It's hard to be open because you feel numb inside. When you're in a depressive episode suddenly everything become hard.

When you're depressed, all you want to do is shut people out and not be "bothersome" to others. It's really hard to ask for help because you feel like it's unimportant to them, and so you don't want to ask them for help or talk to them because you could be afraid that they'd ignore you.

When under that state, it feels as if I stink, and anyone I come in contact with will unavoidably catch my negativity. Besides , there is this fear that once I open up the person's attitude toward me will change for the worse.

Because you are embarrassed. You want to be "normal" and feel weak and inadequate when you fall. It's almost like you failed yourself. None of this is true, of course. There is no normal except for what is normal for you. Validate your right to have a bad day, or even week. Once you can help yourself to own it without embarrassment, then the work of facing it head on and meeting the challenge by being open and seeking loving support can happen.