Why do I feel suicidal all the time?

Look at "all the time" and see if this is so... Are there times when the feeling is less intense? What are you doing when you are feeling less inclined to suicidality?

I used to set up very high goals and hate myself for not reaching each and every one of them perfectly. This would lead to thoughts that I would always fail at life, to the point I didn't see why I should keep on surviving. Death seemed like a sweet release from this never-ending rat race. I thought, at least I won't have to be disappointed anymore. At least I won't feel tired of chasing the goals or feel like I'm worthless and everyone else is better than me. These thoughts would be so loud at nights and mornings felt like another day of dealing with all those torturing voices.