why do i always push people away and block them out?

I don't trust people. It's easier to keep to myself than open up to someone and be disappointed or hurt.

out of fear of not being accepted, out of fear of being judged, out of fear of being misunderstood, out of fear of not being enough.

I always push out people because I am so afraid that I will love someone and then they will just throw me out like everyone else that I have ever loved has done

Because sometimes people are afraid of letting other people see how they are deep inside. It's typically people who have been hurt a lot and are afraid of open up to others in the fear the will abuse their must vulnerable part against them.

Good question! I'm sorry that you're going through this rough state, but I may have an answer for you. When people are sick, ignoring the methodology our bodies use to fight viruses, said bodies are also subject to an innate biological "coping" mechanism that affects our sociality. To frankly define it, our bodies quarantine us. The same can be said for when you're feeling sad. Though you may not have the flu, you body can experience similar stressors mimicking the flu. Because of that your body flips switches in your brain, encouraging that isolation. An additional thought is that people tend to seclude themselves and block others out on a more emotional, and individually preferential way. There's a difference between being situationally depressed (losing a job) and having a chronic depressive mood. Pushing others away can "feel" like the right choice because your emotional mind is telling you that you are not worthy of outside support, and accepting it would only be using others. So I'd chalk up your habits to either or (or possibly both) coping mechanisms: your biological mind trying to protect others and your emotional mind defining them as "too good" for you.

Letting people in can put you in a position of vulnerability. It's especially hard when people have let you down before. Some people are worth getting to know though. You can't trully connect with someone without letting them in.

Pushing people away and blocking them out is a common thing for people who have had trust issues or anxiety problems. I tend to do this a lot also. I have pushed my mom and my dad out of my life and made it seem like they never existed in my mind. Getting control of your trust issues by going back to where it started at can help by letting you let people in. But also anxiety plays a role. Anxiety makes you have a lot of "what ifs" run through your mind. So as soon as you start to let someone anxiety could take over and make you think what if they betray me or what if they leave me?

Most people push others away as a defense mechanism. It's easier to push others away than the be hurt or pushed away yourself. In the end it always hurts not only yourself but the people around you. I would advise that if it is a problem for you, you work on it consistently.

Sometimes it's easier to push people away than let them in. If we feel like a burden to those people, or like we complicate things, we push them away. You might think you're sparing them pain or trouble, but all they want is to be in your life. By pushing them away you hurt them and yourself.

When you are struggling with something so deep, like depression, it can make being able to trust others and be vulnerable very difficult. By pushing people away and blocking them out you might be just trying to protect your bubble that you have. But some people, are worth letting in that bubble. It can be really hard, but once you find those people that you can allow in your inner circle, you find a new way to trust and better cope with what you are struggling with.