Why do depressed people push loved ones away?

I want to thank the people here that answered to the question about a similar experience I'm having at the moment, it's helping a lot. I just broke up with my boyfriend. In the last weeks he was irritable and sad, he was avoiding me and trying to break up with me. In some short frames he was still the sweet man I'm in love with. He looks like giving up on everything, nothing matters to him. He is alternating moments in which he is saying he is a lonely person and I have to live my life because it doesn't work between us, he is scared of hurting me and other moments in which he is aggressive and he is offending me saying that I don't love him and I just want to manipulate him. He was never diagnosed and he is in denial, I can't pronounce the word "doctor". When I got how big the problem was I was scared and I gave up the n-time he tried to break up with me. I saw him after 4 days (in this time he never searched for me), and he was worse, he is just working or passing his time alone in the dark, he started drinking. I realised what happened and how much I love him and I told him that I did a mistake, he is of course refusing me, but actually there is not that much difference with the behaviour he had before breaking up. When we first met he disappeared after one month, saying that he didn't feel like being with someone. At that time I kept writing him for 2 weeks some small texts until he decided to talk to me again. We were living in 2 different countries and I didn't know what was going on but I had the feeling something was wrong and the thing was outside us. After that we had amazing months together and he was always thanking me for insisting that time. I'm trying to adopt the same behaviour this time, although I start to feel like a stalker. Last thing he told me was that I do so just because I want to play with his mind not because my love is true, I asked then if he wanted me to stop and he said no but he doesn't feel like seeing me. I've being stalked more than once in my life and I always blocked the person on all the possible channels, so I guess he somehow likes to read my messages. I feel that it's not true that he is annoyed by me, if I don't push him to meet or talk about topics he doesn't want to. Although he is trying anything to discourage me from thinking about being back together. I'm very worried for him and for other self harm choices (for example about his job) that he could do in this times. I feel a bit guilty for not understanding the situation before and I don't know what I should do now. I can just hope he can find the way to put his pieces together again, I don't care if doesn't want me I just want to see him happy again.

Depressed people often feel like they don't deserve the love they get from their loved once, and thus they push them away.

Because they feel they don't deserve to be helped. In this situations it is important that their loved ones are there for them and not to leave their side. It could really help them to realize they do have someone that cares about them and it could make them feel better.

We don't feel connected with that person. We don't feel like talking and we don't feel that they benefit us in any way, they just make us want to be more isolated from the world.

Sometimes the expression "you need to love yourself before you can love others" rings true in relationships. Loving others fills a void that you feel within yourself, and sometimes it can be overwhelming for the other.

The reason why depressed people push their loved ones away is because they are scared to be judged.

Sometimes people with depression just want to be alone, because they don't feel like socializing. Because of this they tend to push people away. This is unhealthy however, and can make matters worse. It is important not to give up on someone you think may be depressed, even if they seem to not want you around. Tell them how you feel, and encourage them to get help.

They don't do it on purpose I can promise you that love.I have my bad days and my good days.On my bad days I say harmful and do regretful things to my love ones that I don't mean to do.If you have someone with depression if your life just try your very best to understand them try to sit down and talk to them.

From what some of my friends who deal with depression has told me it's a way to keep themselves for getting hurt even more. They find the less feelings and people in their life the less hurt they receive from it. The selfishness for their own mental health kind of comes into play.

Well, I know from experience that it's not something you can always control. Depression causes you to feel lonely and misunderstood, too different to fit in with anyone else. You start believing that no one will ever understand you or the way you think. Or you could be thinking that they're better off without you, so you pull away. Most of the time I just wasn't in the mood to talk or found the conversation trivial. I felt a little out of place, so I rather chose to be alone. Also, I often didn't have the energy to attend parties or events with friends and always made up an excuse not to go, which just made the rift even bigger.