Why do I keep going back to my toxic relationship?

People usually go back to toxic relationships because they may have developed a psychological bond with the toxic partner/the abuser, because they don’t think they can start a new life alone/without the toxic partner or because they are scared of loneliness and they would rather stay in a toxic relationship than be alone. Some people don’t have enough resources or knowledge on how to leave an abuser. Some people are economically dependent, they might have children together or they have no family or friends who would support them to leave an abuser. There is also the pressure coming from the abuser and the fear as one of the reasons why people get stuck in a toxic relationship.

We tend to keep going back to out toxic relationships because maybe somewhere inside we have a fear of losing the people we are with. We fear losing someone who chose us, we sometimes fear the feeling of being alone and facing things in life without someone at times. It's difficult difficult come out of relationships when we feel like we won't be able to make relationships and friendships with people again. Or sometimes we love someone so deeply that we can't tend to stop caring about them or leaving them. I was also in a toxic relationship and wasn't able to get out of it because I never felt that I could be self dependent and self insufficient. And I love him way too much to part from him.

Cyclic relationships can be hard to escape. An object in motion tends to stay in motion. Oft, you go back to the person who comforts you, even if they aren't healthy for you. Experience with such relationships can tell you a lot about yourself as a person and how you handle emotions. Placing your feelings on another person and become dependent on them can breed unhealthy relationships. Thus, being the reason why people go back. They become dependent on the emotional support they feel, even if it is often vacant or nonexistent. We must again learn how to feel by ourselves without the toxic significant other.

There are many reasons for this. Sometimes, we don't really understand that we are in a toxic relationship. We think that our partners are helping us to make better decisions, that they love us truly. What we fail to understand is the difference between concern and control freak . But it's okay. It's never to late. Once out of a toxic relationship, invest time in yourself. Back to the question, we also end up going back because we tend to imagine that our life is nothing without them. We also go back because they may have shown affection, care ,etc which we deeply craved for.

Most of the time, when we crave to go back into a previous relationship, it is the first phase of our relationship we are wanting. I.e the closeness. The bonding. The high feel-good endorphins and love. Unfortunately sometimes those are places and times we cannot go back to, and we must learn to accept that. Also, if a partner has been abusive or severely toxic, it is good to be aware of certain behaviours such as trauma bonding and love bombing etc. Toxic people will have a tendency to try and draw you back into them - push and pull. If they are truly toxic and unhealthy for you then it is probably best that you move on.

From personal experience, it is because you get scared of being alone and you are not used to being without them and even if they are toxic your brain tricks you into being denial that it is happening and you say he or she will change but most of the time they don't. It's a hard pattern to break but with the right support, you can get out of it and be in a safe environment with people that care. But overall the main reason is that we are so used to it that we are conditioned to it, trying to break the cycle is hard.

When we are in a relationship, we are bonded to the memories and love we made together. And break up is hard because these memories keep running behind us. And the more we think of that the more we want to fall back and live the same life with the same person whether that one is toxic but our emotions are true and emotions are fair for everyone. But when we run back and don't find that happiness and love again we move out and still the same cycle of emotions and memory repeats which push us to move back to get those days again.

Because it’s familiar to you. We tend to like staying in our comfort zones because we are familiar with it. Your partner is someone who you are familiar with, and the relationship is familiar to you. You keep going back to it because you know what it’s like, and you may be scared of the unknown - what are other relationships like? How will you be treated? The unknown can be scary sometimes. But another reason you keep going back might be because of hope. We all have hope within us, optimism and the belief that things (and people) can be better. That they can become better. So maybe you keep going back because you hope that they can change and become a better person and partner, one who isn’t toxic. Because though they were toxic, you still might care about them.

Investing time and energy into a relationship is a lot of work, and the thought of starting over can seem daunting. Dating takes a lot of effort. Opening ourselves up to someone new inevitably comes with the potential to be hurt again. It’s scary, and that fear alone is enough to keep people at bay. Plus, why start over with someone new when our hurtful partner already knows us so well? It’s especially easy to run back to someone familiar if we are going through an emotional rough patch. When we’ve made ourselves vulnerable to someone and labeled them as a person who knows us, it can be hard to categorize them as unsafe. When you’ve had some distance from a partner, it’s also easy to romanticize the good memories until, suddenly, the bad memories are less significant. After all, repressing negative memories is a tool we use to protect ourselves from re-experiencing trauma.

We are all humans which means it its easier to be tucked on cycles. Toxic relationships can be addictive therefore toxic. Emotionally, they affect us, but we won't always realize how much they are affecting us till it's too late. Toxic relationships can affect you in many ways for example some people are bound to continue them due to their partner making them stay or tricking them into thinking they are crazy for wanting to break up or they might have children or not be able to support by themselves. This might be why many people keep going back to toxic relationships.