Why do I keep going back to my toxic relationship?

Toxic relationships are a difficult cycle to break out of, and that is why they are referred to as toxic. When in a toxic relationship it becomes addictive because of its familiarity and when we are invested in it, it's a really hard addiction and cycle to break. The constant drama can also provide you with adrenaline rushes which can also be difficult to break. Toxic relationships are important to get out of and only you will know when enough is enough. I am speaking from experience as I was in one for a while and it nearly destroyed me, but I began to realise I deserved better and it was small steps. Eventually I was waking up and not constantly thinking about it, all day every day.

When we enter a relationship we are committed to the person. We accept their flaws and look at them as perfect. Later we see how we are impacted. If it’s in a negative way they’re negative. Then thought of being with them draws us back to them. We miss them. We think of the good times and forget the bad times. We look at the positive. We know it’s gonna hurt us but we look for pleasure more than what’s right for our mental health. Going back shows the other person that you are forgiving. They try to get us to come back and we forgive easily. If not then we just miss the thought of it. We look at memories not what’s gonna impact us negatively

Most of the time we don’t think we are worthy and don’t believe that we deserve better. Ironic as this might sound the known relationships feel predictable hence comfortable. Unknown is often scary and fear is holding us back from trying something new. Even if we start a new, good relationship if we are not careful we will sabotage it as we don’t believe it can be true. This will make us fall back into the other patterns and confirm our own belief that we are incapable of having a healthy and happy relationship. Relationship are no magic. The initial euphoria wears of over time. They require care and attention, like little seeds planted in the garden that need to be watered, nourished and kept weed free to grow strong and healthy.

There could be so many reasons; a sense of familiarity, fear of abandonment, emotional blackmail. The best way to answer this is to look within themselves and identify the pattern that causes you to reconnect with a relationship that you identify as toxic. If you identify the pattern, you will know what to do to put an end to it, if that is what you truly want. As people, we all have our individual reasons for doing certain things, it can't really be narrowed down to one specific thing, so it's always good if you can look back in retrospect and see what's been causing you to stay on a continuous loop with this situation.

Hey, I understand you must be feeling confused but I’m here to help you talk through this. This sounds like a classic case of nostalgia and wanting to prevent change. No one likes the idea of change, it’s scary and unknown territory. But you understand that the relationship was toxic and that it’s not what is best for you!! Remember to always prioritize your mental and physical health and that there are always people who can help you. Normally most people would block that ex and go cold turkey, but you need to get complete closure. Maybe a ritual or burning of clothes :) hope this helped hehe

i can't judge you because we haven't dug your background stories. But written in psychology textbook and what a lecture told me, it can be because you're having a dependent trait. or related to your past with your parents (called attachment), which makes you think what your partner do is "normal" and you get used to it despite the pains. You could try reframing your thoughts by asking questions. What makes you go back with him? Does this remind you of something happened in the past but you seek until this time (i.e attention, affection. or thus extend feel being disregarded and invalidated)? what do you value for him, despite what he does to you? Now, ponder about other people. Does anyone have a similar value as him, but doing better for you? if so, now, compare it. Not compare which one is the better, but feel it deep within yourself, which one is the earnest affections given for you? and the healthy one.

Although toxic, you and your partner have undoubtedly been through a lot together... It may seem like you and your partner have overcame obstacles, expressed passionate concern for each other, and "resolved" many issues, when in reality the cycle is unlikely to ever end. It is difficult for us as humans to abandon our comfort zone. This is another reason why you feel yourself getting pulled back into the toxic relationship again and again- the comfort of it. The unknown can be frightening... Being alone can be scary. Dating other people can be scary too, but life is all about change and growth.

People often go back to their toxic relationships due to the sense of familiarity, and remembering the good moments. Sometimes we fixate on these good moments so much that we discount the bad. We make ourselves believe that the bad moments were a blip in the road and that the relationship isn't toxic. We make ourselves believe the good outweighs the bad, we wait for them to do something good and so the cycle carries on.. we forgive. We forget what we want in a relation and tell ourselves we only want that person, hence, the relationship is maintained.

You sound like you have formed a toxic connection to the person that was treating you in this toxic way. People tend to go back to their toxic relationships because they miss the person, or cant seem to let go of the person. People who act in these abusive ways often contribute to you mindset that you wont be able to live your normal life without them, even though you are probably better off without them anyways. Letting go is never easy, and therefore, letting go of a toxic relationship is most definitely very hard, since the person manipulated you to feel that way.

We often run to the past because it is familiar to us, and we often know how the ending is which adds a comforting sense to our mind. But this does not mean we continue to keep running in circles around that one particular thing, in this being the toxic relationship, we must run linear which means, forward. This is why, due to the known familiarity and a learnt end, you tend to set back to the prior relationship. You can always work to fix things but a book's ending cannot be altered how ever hard you try. Therefore it's ideal to start afresh and new, no matter how known the past is to you.