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Why do I always blame myself for the breakup?

Profile: novebility
novebility on Apr 22, 2021
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It's normal for us to always blame ourselves for mistakes that were made. This is a completely reasonable reaction to a breakup, and I'd bet that your partner might feel the same way. It's always hard to let go of someone who used to be so important in your life. The important part is that you are able to grow and accept what happened. Eventually, things will get better. It may not seem like that right now, but there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel. You can always talk to family and friends who are able to hear you out and might understand how you feel.
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Profile: TheDarkSwan
TheDarkSwan on May 9, 2021
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It is a hard question to answer because everyone and every relationship are different. Some feel that their insecurity is what drove their partner away, and end up blaming themselves for those feelings. But, self- blame is hard to stop doing. When every thought racing through your mind screams at you and identifies you as the cause of your breakup it is hard to take a step back and think deeper from a different perspective. Taking that step back allows you to view your relationship and the breakup in a different lens, one with less bias and hate directed towards yourself. It is a challenging feat to accomplish but I have no doubt in my mind that with a little support, anyone can do it.
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Jun 2, 2021
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My brain tends to ruminate on the mistakes I made instead of focusing on the relationship as a whole. In a lot of situations it takes two people to make or break a relationship. In those situations, both people have the responsibility for the outcome. I tend to reflect on all of the negative ways I contributed, instead of thinking of all of the positive ways I contributed. And I tend to take all of the responsibility for what went wrong. I react instead of responding to the situation. I don't take the time to pause and truly reflect on what happened. I don't look at things through a truly neutral lens.
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Jun 17, 2021
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One of the reasons why we always find ourselves blaming ourselves for all the bad things in life is because when we blame ourselves, it means that we are the ones who caused the bad thing to happen in our life thus making us feel like we are in control of our life. We all want to feel like we can control things. But we cannot. Good things happen to us. Similarly bad things also happens to us. Not all of the things in our life will go according to what plan we have in our life. Thus we need to be able to move forward accepting what happened.
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Jul 28, 2021
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It could be that you lack confidence in yourself. This can be helped by good and positive company who will encourage you and have your back. Sometimes, taking a step back from the situation and evaluating it from another persons eye can also help you realize the reality of the situation. Is there anyone you can talk to about this? Another person who listens to you is a great way to get an outsider’s insight. A lot of times we get so stuck up on ourselves, we don’t see the bigger picture so there may have been many times in which you were not to be blamed but yet, were.
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Aug 25, 2021
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breakups can be extremely tough and i’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through that. sometimes we tend to blame ourselves for the breakup because we feel that we could have done things differently and we feel regret for something that was said or done during the relationship. Additionally, you may be picking out mistakes that you feel you made in the relationship even if they were minor. I feel that one of the main reasons we blame ourselves for a breakup is because we want a reason so that we can have closure on the situation. sometimes being left suddenly and/ or without reason causes our mind wonder what caused a certain thing to happen and you feel guilt for it and begin to blame yourself. i’m so extremely sorry to hear about your breakup and i hope things improve and please know i’m always here to chat!
Profile: AdiJ
AdiJ on Oct 6, 2021
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The prominent generations and generations to follow are going to statistically increase in self conscience and awareness.. this is directly tied up with lower self esteem/insecurity and self confidence. When we like and then eventually date someone, we tend to create ideologies of them in our minds.. matching them with characteristics we want a partner to inhibit.. because of this natural phenomena, the person is idolized in our lives so much that its inconsiderable to blame them for breaking up with you.. this however is negotiable.. blaming yourself for every breakup is not good for your mental health and you should try talking to friends about it. We know the most about ourselves: the most realest, grueling forms of ourselves and parts of what make up our personalities. As people we tend to point out several deficiencies in ourselves versus to what we see on social media or what society sets as the ideal standard for vast spectrums of topics. Its always easier to blame it on oneself than a person you put to such high regard.
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Nov 18, 2021
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Because you feel like the relationship ended because of you. However, you need to come into terms with yourself and what happened in that relationship. if your significant other left because of something he or she disliked or they just felt like it wasn't working, just know that you will always be enough. Always remind yourself of your self worth and look forward in life. Do not look back! You are very important and you will get through this. You just need to approach this with ten toes down and remember that you are enough and you are loved by your friends and family!
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Nov 30, 2021
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You might feel like the responsibility for the healthiness and stability of your relationship lies solely on you or you are prone to blaming yourself for situations, regardless of whether it was or wasn't your fault. It's best to realize that relationships are a two way street and that people break up for multiple reasons. If you find that you are blaming yourself often after breakups, it's a good thing to self reflect and work on yourself. Breakups aren't your fault, sometimes you might not be compatible, sometimes it just wasn't the right time. Just ensure that you need to protect your mental health and understand that it isn't a wrong thing to prioritize and love yourself before somebody else.
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Dec 3, 2021
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It is easy to feel like we are the problems that ended the relationship. In some ways i think we do this because we need that sense of closure. Not knowing what went wrong is maybe of the the most anxiety inducing feelings, and blaming ourselves can be a way for us to cope. We blame ourselves because it can provide a false sense of closure. Either that, or the partner is manipulating me into feeling like that was my fault. Either way, it is not fair to solely blame one person, seeing as there are 2 sides in every coin
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