Why can't I learn to open up to people?

Because it’s challenging to be vulnerable! We don’t live in a society that normalizes the honest expression of human emotion and that can be frustrating and isolating. Just try to remember that we’re all human at the end of the day and we’re all made out of the same stuff. It can be scary to open up to somebody when you don’t know if they will be receptive or understanding. But just try to keep in mind that even if that does happen (and I hope it doesn’t!) there are plenty of other in the world who will be more on your wavelength. I’m always here if you feel like talking to me about anything, this is a judgment free space. It’s safe to share here. But no pressure! Everything at your own pace.

Being in a new space is scary because it feels foreign and uncomfortable, and I used to be afraid, but being the person you are and putting yourself out there, introducing yourself and interacting is more than enough. Sometimes the feeling of being judged holds you back but deep down, we are all human and no one is perfect. Not everyone will like us but some do. The person you are afraid to talk to might feel the same way, afraid to open up. Sometimes, just saying simple words can make someone’s day, it’s the wonder of embracing fears.

I cannot open up to certain people because of my trust issues. I have been betrayed and deceived by people who were pretending to be someone they are not. My terrible experience has affected my judgment of where I shall lay my trust. I guess it is one of the reasons I cannot open up. Another reason why I think so is because of some traumatic experience in childhood or past. It inevitably causes other mental health issues. Insecurities also play a major role here, The fear of what people or the society may think of can also contribute as factors.

You are always able to learn new skills! Learning to open up to people is just like learning how to ride a bike. It is something that some people learn at a young age, but it is also something that some people may choose not to learn although it is a useful skill. Being an open book does not come easy to everyone, but understanding your own feelings is the first step. Once you know how you are feeling and even possibly why you are feeling that way, it will become easier to share those feelings with other people. The biggest thing to remember is that no matter what you are feeling, there is always someone out there who is willing to listen to you and that has maybe even been there themselves.

I think it is very hard to open up to people especially if you have gone through something in the past that caused you to feel this way. If you have opened up to someone in the past and they broke your trust, or they took your opening up the wrong way, it is definitely very easy to feel this way. There are also a lot of societal standards that contribute to this because if you open up and be vulnerable, it almost creates a space for people to use that as your weakness and it can turn around to you. Just remember that, there are people out there that love you and support you, and even though you might not have that in your life at this specific moment, you will.

Perhaps this is because it is not something your parents/guardians encouraged growing up. But it is never too late to develop and grow. It takes some self-discovery to understand why we do what we do, but it is an important process in getting to know ourselves and develop past our limitations. Sometimes our wrong beliefs and negative self image about ourselves can limit us opening up to people. Change the way you see yourself. See a therapist if necessary. If you are a Christian spend time in the Word and ask see what God says about you - you are fearfully and wonderfully made etc. And then make the effort to step out of your comfort zones when it comes to opening up to people - this would apply to people that you can trust. You will see a change in time and will be glad you made the effort.

Did you ever try opening up and it may somehow failed? Someone who by his or her words made you close up even more? It might be really hard to open up sometimes because you might never know if this person you're opening up to is trust worthy, would actually accept your feelings without judging you and would actually listen sincerely without getting bored or giving you advice or turning the story to make it about themselves and their experiences. You probably want someone who will understand you and give you space and time to open up, you are scared and that's totally fine. Maybe even confused on why you find it so hard and you're being hard on yourself right now, feeling that something is wrong with you, but there isn't anything at all, trust me. I've been there, you're not alone

It is always hard to open up to people especially when you are the type to be a listener, rather than the talker. Opening up to people may take time to getting used to saying what has been bothering you or what’s on your mind. Learn how to go by your own pace on talking to others wether it be to someone you know, or someone here from 7 cups. You are the one who knows what your limits are and how to explain what you are feeling, and we are here to provide the support you may want.

Maybe we have grown up feeling all insecure and never learned how to connect with people. Maybe we never learned to love ourselves but to criticize. Maybe we remain so vigilant about every tiny bit of the self that we forget all the skills of socializing while making a connection with other people. We are so scared to get hurt that we find it easier to keep everything inside us. Somehow we have learned that it's better not to be us than to get hurt after they refuse us or leave us. Maybe we find it safer to stay distant than to get hurt while at the same time we are longing for being able to make a connection to another human being. Whoever is living on this knife-edge, I want them to know that they are not alone. That we are trying our best right now. Love.

During your childhood, perhaps there were moments where you opened up, but got hurt. Perhaps when you opened up, your parents yelled at you, or your peers made fun of you. So your mind has 'learnt' that "Hmm, if I open up, I will experience pain. Opening up is dangerous. Therefore, I will make sure this person (you) are afraid to open up to protect them from being hurt." Perhaps it's not that you can't learnt to open up to people - perhaps it is harder to open up. You are probably able to overcome your fear of opening up by revealing more surface-level parts of yourself (e.g. your hobbies) to certain people. Once your mind 'relearns' that opening up to others is not as dangerous as it thinks, you can start revealing deeper aspects of yourself. It will be scary to start opening up, even a little, but the best and only way to overcome this fear is to face your fears directly.