Why are we fighting over small and stupid things?

That happens mostly when there are more important issues which people don't want to address and hence there's fighting over small issues cause while you are trying to avoid the bigger issues you are missing the point that you are not happy about something and it comes out in one way or the other. This can happen in any relationship not just couples and the best way to deal with it is to talk to the other person and listen to what they have to say. Also take care that it's not about proving anything but rather about understanding so good luck.

Its common to argue and personally I think it can be a good thing. You and your partner are there to take stress away from one another and sometimes when things get a little bit too much outside of our relationships we argue with our partners. If you're arguing about silly things like what to have for dinner or what film to watch you honestly have nothing to worry about. Even if you're arguing over bigger things thats fine. Take some time out with your partner and go somewhere quiet where you can both relax and have a good day together away from the stresses of other influences. However, if these arguments are emotionally draining you and making you constantly unhappy then you need to talk to your partner - compromise.

This is a great question. The simple answer is that the "smaller and stupid things" are symbolic of something deeper. Depending on the context, it could be due to a number of reasons. Unresolved issues individually or as a couple or family sometimes appear it what seems to be the little things. Some questions to ask are: What do fights over "small or stupid things" have in common? What could they represent? How do I feel at a deeper level about this? For example if you're fighting over cleaning the house, one partner or person may feel triggered by a messy house because it may represent to them chaos or mayhem and that the other person doesn't care about them. Whereas the other person might just have been busy or even unaware. Discussing unresolved issues or the deeper issue at hand through a trusted listener or therapist is a great way to get to the deeper issue at hand. After all, it's never really about the "small or stupid things" :)

Reactive emotions or secondary emotions escalate arguments. These emotions are more about defending and protecting than they are about comforting and securing. Unfortunately, couples who argue over stupid stuff tend to be great at sharing these type of emotions, but very poor at sharing and responding to others.Partners often say, 'We argue over stupid things,'” writes relationship therapist Dr. Jason Linder in Psychology Today. “This is somewhat true. That said, there are a lot more things partners are actually arguing about under the surface than what meets the eye, especially for the partners themselveset me think about that.” This works in part because it buys time. ... “You may be right.” This works because it shows willingness to compromise. ... “I understand.” These are powerful words. ... “I'm sorry.”.

Usually, it's because we are yearning to feel loved and/or safe and we don't even realize it. For me, I feel unsafe when I feel controlled or bossed around. For the other party, they might feel unloved when things are not fully within their control. When conflict arises in a situation like this, it's helpful for me to communicate to them "i love you, and i am so grateful for our relationship. i want to understand you and i want you to understand me. i have past traumas involving being told what to do, which is why i got triggered when you asked me to ___. i understand that you grew up without someone fully meeting your needs, and that may be why you feel the need to order someone to do this task, and why it feels triggering when they refuse. please know that i'm trying my best, i see your past suffering and i dont hold it against you, however I have to stay within my boundaries too."

To discuss every issue is important for any relation but as soon as they turn into huge arguments their is either a comprehension problem or one or both of you react in a mean way.

People generally like to view themselves as being correct in most situations. It's part of our natural behavior. If you find yourself often arguing with someone over seemingly insignificant issues, you should definitely talk it out with them. If you find yourself being the one starting the arguments, you should check your mood and find out why you feel aggressive about the topics. There are many ways of getting help with aggressiveness or constant need to argue and I find talking it out with a close friend or even a professional is the nicest way to go. It doesn't hurt to get help.

Expectation can be a tricky thing. You expect someone to do something in a certain way. Someone else expects you to do things in a certain way. When this cycle continues without any means of quality communication, petty quarrels come to exist. Another factor is when past grudges kick in. The key is to focus on proper meaningful conversation about what is truly bothering the both of you.

Because you're ignoring each other's emotional needs, so what you're really doing is scream: validate me, I am right, hear me out! Winning at least over a "small and stupid thing" is one way to kinda make yourself heard... except most likely the other won't, because they are running on an empty tank as well emotionally. Look into this.

very often because of our EGO that grew too big, very often because we are not able to accept being a loser or accept any slight criticism