Why are we fighting over small and stupid things?

Sometimes fights over insignificant matters can occur when there are other, underlying issues within an individual and the relationships they are a part of. How often do you socialize with people outside of your partner(s)? Do you participate in school, work, hobbies, community events, etc.? Consider how much time you spend with your partner. Consider how you have addressed these issues in the past and what the outcomes were like. It is common for people to disagree and question each other, and can be healthy. But if these disagreements are becoming heated arguments, it can feel frustrating, tiring, saddening, and more.

Thank you for reaching out! To answer your own question you may want to explore what you consider, categorize as smart and stupid things to argue over and why? Usually fights happen because the pair of you have a communication style which is too contrasting (e.g. too much bluntness or not being honest enough), therefore leading to you both not feeling heard. Small and stupid things feel like huge mountains you’re unable to overcome when the communication is lacking. Please do reflect on the times you have communicated well. What made the times you communicated well effective specifically? Contrast the times you communicated well against the times you did not. What was lacking when you both did not communicate well? Further questions you may want to ask yourself is how you feel sitting down and talking to each other about what offended/upset you ? The question is are you both assertive, diplomatic and compassionate when there are misunderstandings and disagreements? 500 small things will always feel larger and less likely to be resolved than 1 large problem. You both may have disagreements in thoughts and opinions and feel challenged or insecure when opposing opinions are shared. Ask yourself why? How has this comment or behavior of theirs triggered me? The small problems will become small again because you accept and understand that the other person has heard and understood you if communication is not judgemental. You are welcome to communicate with any listeners on our site to explore your thoughts and feelings in a safe 1-1 space. For specific support and the willingness to be in an environment with members that can relate to you, The Relationship support room is available every Thursday 24/7.

There's probably some underlying stressors or grief that someone is going thru. And it's not obvious. It's best to stay calm and maybe throw in a small non-offensive joke ....or just walk away from the situation and get fresh air. Go for a walk outside. or GET ACTIVE. Turn on a dance song and dance. Fighting will ruin the relationship sometimes and its better to try and discuss why they disagree rather than fighting with them instantly. Its funner that way too! Get to know each other and learn patience and tolerance for somebody who is not exactly like you!

I believe we fight over small and stupid things to shift the focus from bigger problems. It is easier to pick on smaller things than tackle the larger issues. Sometimes the bigger issues are scary and difficult to talk about. So it is easier to focus on minuscule things such as not doing the dishes or picking up the house rather than focusing on problems that can be life changing. At least this is from my personal experience. I know for sure that I have avoided looking at larger issues instead of looking at them head on. It is easier to avoid them.

There are many common triggers for anger, such as losing your patience, feeling as if your opinion or efforts aren't appreciated, and injustice. Other causes of anger include memories of traumatic or enraging events and worrying about personal problems. You also have unique anger triggers, based on what you were taught to expect from yourself, others, and the world around you. Your personal history feeds your reactions to anger, too. For example, if you weren't taught how to express anger appropriately, your frustrations might simmer and make you miserable, or build up until you explode in an angry outburst.

Although certain things may be "small" or "stupid" to one person, they may hold a lot of importance to the person voicing those concerns. It is also possible that we sometimes argue over what seems to be small matters because we are actually upset over another situation. Due to the unresolved feelings in one situation, the feelings carry over into other matters in our life. Thus, small inconveniences may trigger a person and evoke a strong emotion. A phrase that could capture this idea is "the straw that broke the camel's back." Our tolerance for inconveniences or disagreements lessens when we have unresolved conflicts.

When you get to this stage in a relationship, it might be time to ask yourself some serious questions about where you both are; are you with each other because you still love each other and external factors are putting pressure on you both or are you together because you've been together for ages and it's become something more of a habit than anything else. Can you sit down and sort out what's bugging you both? Is that even something you want to do? Because if the answer is yes, from both parties, that might be all you need to do. Explain how you feel, and try and get them to do the same. Maybe this is something you can work out. But relationships, even great ones sometimes run their course and it's hard but essential to confront this, specially if you both want to be happy in future.

Because maybe it has been so long since you are together, take a break, if it lasts even after a long break, it maybe means that you are not ok with each other. Try to talk about it too, it may help you get over your fights.

When I do this I try to calm myself I remember the nice things about this person I'm fighting with and talk to her/him when I'm more calm.

If two people start fighting for little things then it can be an indicator that both of them have stopped caring for each other and also does value the other person anymore. Two people who real love each other will overlook such trivial issues.