My long-term boyfriend told me that my mental health has affected him and he just wants to be friends as though nothing more ever happened. This really hurts me. What should I do?

It takes a lot of courage to tell someone you care about that their mental health is having an effect on you. It may not feel great for you right now, but he's doing what he needs to do to take care of himself, and although you may be hurting, allow him to take that space. In the long run a conversation about your relationship and the effects it had on both of you is probably worthwhile, however in this situation you will likely have to wait until he is ready to have that conversation to talk with him about it. You can absolutely tell him how you feel (in a calm way using "I" statements and not making anger driven accusations) but he may not be in a position to do anything about it for a little while. You can still care about someone without being in a romantic relationship with them, so show him you still care by supporting his needs while addressing your own.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Losing a loved one is very painful. I see this is hurting you a lot. Mental health issues affects us and the people around us as well. It is difficult to be a care giver. Sounds like it has been tough on him as well. If you are comfortable sharing, help me understand what got your relationship to this phase. What do you think happened for him to react in this way? I cannot give you advice as you are the one who knows your situation well. But talking about what happened might help you through this. I am here to actively listen to you.

At times it can be hard to accept the boundaries of other people. Relationships take two people to work and if one person is unable to consent to remaining in the relationship then that person's consent has to be honored and respected. Ending a long-term, intimate relationship can be incredibly difficult, but it may also end up being what is best or healthiest. If someone does not want to stay then any relationship that results from them staying against their desire is not going to be healthy or happy for either of you. But, as they say, "every cloud has a silver lining" and the silver lining here may be that if you are no longer spending time as a couple, then you will likely have time to work on your mental health. Do you ask yourself how you can improve the quality of your relationships or about where you stand on boundaries? If you want further support to help regarding relationship stress then please communicate with one of our listeners or therapists on this site. You can also receive access to self-help guides and mindfulness exercises on our site too. You will always be one-half of any relationship you have, so optimizing yourself gives your future relationships a leg up. Chatting with a friend who has also been through relationship stress normalise what your going through and it becomes easier to open up when you find that someone can relate to you!

I think that you should respect his decision and also keep in mind that he loves you enough to tell you the truth. It is not your fault, and it’ll be for the better. I think you should tell him that you’re there for him and that you love him with all of your heart. Tell him that he should seek help if he needs it and you’ll be by his side, even as a friend, and you’ll be there when he’s ready. Don’t forget that your feelings are valid and it’s okay to be sad. Just remember that this is what’s best for him right now.

From my personal experience when someone has made up their mind that they do not want to be with someone anymore sometimes we can’t change it. As much as it broke my heart at the time. I Had to let them go. It was very helpful for me to hangout with friends and have support during that time. In the end everything worked out for me elsewhere and it was probably better even though it was not what I wanted. I will always say it was his loss and just keep moving on with my life and know the people who love me

I'm so sorry. That must be very hurtful to hear and be on the receiving end of. If he has made up his mind to just be friends now, there's very little you can do, unfortunately. Maybe going on a small mental health break for you to get some rest and self-care would be beneficial for your relationship, depending on how severe your mental status has gotten, and see if he agrees to that. I wouldn't risk my dignity or sense of worth by asking someone to come back once they've made up their mind to depart. As much as magazines and dating "gurus" try to tell you that you can "win someone back", I don't think it lasts very long IF both people are not mutually in the relationship for the right reasons (for mutual respect, love, and care). My wish for you is to have a partner that cares for you and can also navigate his own life. Maybe he can't or doesn't know how to handle the not-so-good times in a relationship, such as mental health issues. I'm not sure. I hope this helped you.

I really feel for the situation you are in. His mental health should be his priority, and your mental health should be your priority. If his request is hurtful to you, as you stated, perhaps the relationship you two have is not beneficial for either of you. Based on my experience, acting as if things did not occur between you is not easy, nor healthy. Finding a new way to interact moving forward while not denying that the past happened may be difficult, however, dealing truthfully in reality often is. Or, as an alternative, if it is better for your emotional health, discontinuing contact are two reasonable possibilities. Good luck my friend!

As a woman who suffers from Bipolar Disorder, I completely understand how my own mental health has contributed to issues in my personal relationships. It is important to note that there are people who love us, and we love them, but they may not always have the mental space to hear our issues. It can be hurtful, as our mental health is important, but seeking therapy or listeners can be very beneficial, in comparison to frequently trauma-dumping on partners or close friends and family. You can make it a point to ask if they have space to hear from you concerning your struggles at the time, so that they do not feel overwhelmed. It can be very hurtful, but sometimes we need to be in a good space with a healthy support system before expecting others to sacrifice their own mental wellbeing to be a support.

I can't tell you what to do, and I also can't tell you how to feel. That sounds like it would hurt really bad though and I am so sorry that you are going through that. Do you think you could ever see him as just a friend again or will that be too painful? I think that either way, the most important thing that you can do it to be as honest as possible with him and make sure that he knows exactly how you feel. I hope that you know there are many people here to listen to you and that you are not alone.

Hi! As I have been in your boyfriend's position before, I know how much stress one might get from their partner's mental health. It is completely fine for you to be hurt by his suggestion, because your feelings for him are also very important. However, you do need to take in count how he is doing in the relationship, in your case he suggested to be friends because he believes your mental health has effected him. My advise for you would be to respect his decision. As friends you both would likely keep the bond/memories you have made together, and it would be a healthier version of what you two have now, without one's mental health effecting the others. Hope I helped, please make sure to take care of yourself as well!