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How do you deal with the temptation to contact your ex?

Profile: calmNight85
calmNight85 on Jan 6, 2019
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When I get tempted to contact my ex, I think about why our relationship ended. It may satisfy your impulses to speak to your ex, but it doesn't do anything but hurt you. When you look back at why your relationship didn't work out in the first place, it makes it easier to stop the temptation. It reminds you of the reasons why you were broken up in the first place. When you are reminded of these reasons, you realize that contacting him or her won't make you feel any better on the inside. Deep down, you'll realize that your reaching out may just be habitual and it doesn't do anything to further your happiness.
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Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Jan 13, 2019
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To deal with the temptation to contact my ex I Remember all that they did in the past to me that made me feel hurt, embarrassed, sad or humiliated and then remind myself that I am always deserving of respect, dignity and kindness and if people don’t give me that I need to cut them out of my life and find people who are worth being around. I do not owe people who do not respect me for who I am anything, and putting myself first sometimes is not selfish. I remember that I need to find the person right for me, and if that takes time that’s alright.
Profile: DulcetLove
DulcetLove on Jan 18, 2019
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I put myself in the mindset that as much as I am a new and changed person, so are they and I'd never want to take steps back or make them take steps back from their growth as well. Evidently, we want to keep the contact because it was something important to us, but the connection we felt is not the person it was the relationship. You don't need the reassurance from that person. Whenever I feel tempted to contact my ex I think about all of the new parts of me they don't deserve to know. I think of all of the things I could do for myself instead.
Profile: freshUnicorn34
freshUnicorn34 on Jan 19, 2019
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I have a six month rule. I do not speak with, or contact my exes for at least six months after breaking up. I have my best friend whom I deemed a the negotiator and she would basically handle any imperative communications like: "I need this stuff back". It sounds ridiculous, but out-of-sight, out-of-mind, have to prune the neurons, break down the pathways in the brain that lead back to thinking about my ex. The break up was going to be on my mind enough without speak/seeing them. So, in the past I would start off by writing that text, but instead of sending it to my ex, I would send it to myself, or a friend (my best friend really) whom I had designated as the negotiator after a bad break-up. Sometimes the text would get long, passionate, angry, descriptive. If it was really good, I'd transcribe it into a word document and before I knew it, it was a poem. Over time I'd keep every edited copy, and see how my feelings changed over time and remind myself how I grew and learned from pain. Now, I just kind of read these poems and remind myself, "don't do it."
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Apr 3, 2019
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I would take a bath, work out, dance around the house to music, read a book, practice meditation, go for a walk and listen to music. Anything to take your mind off of the ex, but also anything that gets you up and moving or something that you love so you dont fall into a slump thinking about said person. When your in a better head space reflect on why you want to contact your ex, but also think about why this person is your ex, was there hurt, was there pain in the relationship. Think would we be healthy back together.
Profile: Joseph394
Joseph394 on May 23, 2019
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Your exes are your exes for a reason. You tried with them before, things did not go well, and now they are either no longer in your life or in a much different role. Remind yourself why you broke up in the first place. That thing about them or the relationship that caused you to break up? It's still there and unresolved. You can look at the aspects of that relationship that DID work and that you liked and use it to help you find your next SO. The desire to get back to them is generally this desire to go back to a time when things "made sense". So when you get that urge to contact them again and pick up where you left off, ask yourself: do you miss the PERSON or the MEMORIES. The answer is it is probably the latter.
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Jun 1, 2019
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Missing your ex is a normal stage of a breakup. And it’s perfectly fine to miss them, you have every right to feel what you’re feeling. Emotions aren’t a bad thing. For some people, befriending their ex is a good thing and can actually end up being beneficial. But for others, it’s better they remain distanced. The main reason I would say it’s better to distance yourself, is because (if they broke up with you), you don’t want to risk the pain again. So, in order to handle the temptation, I would block all of their contact information so that it’s not optional.
Profile: Anonymous
Anonymous on Jun 7, 2019
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Realize it truly is not worth it. Unless you are on good terms, it is fine to check up on them. Otherwise think about exactly why you want to do it and what contacting your ex is going to achieve. What are you going to gain from it? Why was it that you broke up in the first place? I haven't a had a break up, but I have definitely wanted to get back in touch with people I have cut off. I always thought it over and realized there is no point in doing that with people that I'm not sure care for me. It's best to spend that energy speaking to people that care about you and vice versa.
Profile: Peter1447
Peter1447 on Jun 13, 2019
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This can be a very difficult situation to deal with but the way i dealt with it was first and most important keep yourself busy, do things you enjoy doing , thoughts will keep coming in your head but i know its hard but you have to acknowledge the thought and let it pass. Other ways social media makes us curious about our X's as well so i would make sure all social media contact possibles are gone if you cant control yourself even going to the length of needing to block then that might also need to be done .
Profile: CherryBlossom360
CherryBlossom360 on Jul 7, 2019
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You need to distract yourself with something else whenever the temptation to contact your ex comes up. Something that will turn your focus off of your ex and onto something else. Tell yourself that you are not going to fall victim to this temptation and don't allow yourself to give into it. My advice to you is that you do your best to stay strong and that you put steps in place that will allow you to persevere. It will be hard, but overtime it will become easier, and easier, and easier. And eventually the temptation to contact your ex will cease to exist and will no longer be an issue.
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