How can I convince myself that my friends don't hate me? I have this irrational fear that they actually hate me.

When you aren't at the height of an emotional overwhelm/breakdown, try to ask yourself WHY you feel that way: "Why do I feel like my friends hate me?" ❌Importantly, make sure you DON'T answer that question by listing all the things that you think are wrong with you (ex. "they probably hate me because I feel like I'm annoying/needy/reserved/etc.", or "I am uglier than them so they probably hate me", "I dress differently so they probably hate me; "I like things that they don't like")... I say to avoid this because these are not provable, substantial, or rationale reasons why any normal human should hate you, especially a friend. ✅INSTEAD, answer that "why?" with real, provable instances that would indicate that they 'hate' you (ex. they literally told me they hated me, verbatim; I caught them talking behind my back; they bully me constantly; they said xyz about me and never apologized; etc.) ... 99% of the time you simply can't answer that question. And if you can't answer that question, it is very likely that your friends do not hate you. If you feel like your friends are using you, try to identify what they're using you for. Next, try to identify if they only reach out to you when they want that thing from you, or if its to hang out and spend genuine time with you.

Having such thoughts is normal; I've had such fears for a good part of my life too. You must let yourself understand what friends are. They are people you hang out with, people you joke around with, and people you spill your darkest secrets to. If they are willing to take that step and spend all that time with you, I don't think they would hate you. If you ever feel that they are distant or wonder if you did something that upset them, talk to them and let them know your concerns. Most of the time it is paranoia, and their negative feelings aren't directed toward you. Communication is so important to avoid such misunderstandings and concerns.