How can I convince myself that my friends don't hate me? I have this irrational fear that they actually hate me.

Your irrational fear is exactly that - irrational. Pay attention to how your friends treat you and remind yourself, that a person that hates another doesn't treat someone with kindness, compassion, etc.

This is not an unusual problem and it's something you might want to talk to a therapist about. In my experience though, sometimes I've been obsessed with whether or not someone hated me, but when I stepped back I realized I didn't even like that person in the first place. I was focusing on how they felt about me to avoid thinking about how I felt about them.

I would ask myself if those friends are those type of people? Do they often talk about others when that person isn't around, do the make fun of other people? Then decide on the probability once you have your answer.

You do say in your question that it is irrational, so on some level you do know it is. Try making a list of evidences. Make two columns: "evidence that my friends hate me" and "evidence that my friends are ok with me". Also, try to figure out the root of your irrationality. Ask yourself why do you feel this way. Perhaps you are hard on yourself or have low self-esteem?

I have struggled with feeling like my friends - and everyone else - hate me, but I was taught the 'table' technique. Every table needs four legs to stay standing up, so my irrational fear is the table top, and I need four 'legs' - i.e., proof - to support it. If I cannot find four legs to support the table, then the belief/fear isn't real. My friends don't really hate me. Also, at times I just check it out with the friend. "Hey, I feel like there is something wrong between us - do you feel there is anything wrong?"

I understand how you feel. Sometimes I get that fear too that other people like my friends don't truly like or care for me, especially if they are quiet and don't reach out. What specifically makes you think that your friends hate you? Do you think that they have reason to hate you because of the traits that you have, or because they don't treat you well? Think about it this way: if they are happily spending time with you, then they most likely find something in you that you don't know exists. Do you think they would spend so much time with you if they don't enjoy your company? If the problem is that your friends don't treat you well, then maybe it is best to reconsider the relationships you have with them or at least communicate with them about how you both truly feel.

If you honestly feel trapped and worried, try talking to them openly. This can be very scary, but could help tremendously! Otherwise, if you feel uncomfortable talking to them, think of your friends' personalities and whether they're acting differently around you or not, if not, then try to relax. If they do, maybe you should really talk to them - it helps take pressure off of one' s chest.

It's always best to not assume. But there are many signs that may indicate that your friends may not like you. Signs like: They seem upset when you come around. They don't include you within their plans. You always have to reach out and speak to them first. Their mood changes when you're around. Again, it's not good to assume. But sometimes people can feel when something is not right. You can even talk to them about it, to break away from that worry. Try to get them on the same page as you.

You need to see things objectively. Do they treat you bad? Would they help you if you required help? Do they invite you to their plans? Are you the one doing all the work of the friendship? If those all indicate a lack of friendship, they probably do not like you as much, but that would't mean they hate you. Often we think we are hated, but it is only due to low self-esteem, as we do not love ourselves, we expect all others not to like us either. If you start treating yourself nicely, and you are able to grow towards what you want to be, the opinion of others shouldn't matter.

I've had serious issues with this myself, and it is very hard to deal with. It's difficult in that position to not go overboard in seeking reassurance, at least for some. As hard as it can be to counter those irrational feelings with reasonable answers, it may help to quell some of it. Try to remember times when you've helped your friends, and try to remember times that they've helped you. If the relationship isn't reciprocal, then it really isn't worth maintaining. Think of times you've exchanged gifts, times when they've invited you to join them. Remind yourself that people wouldn't keep you around if they hated you. Try, as hard as it is, to hold onto things like that.