Why do we turn to the things that destroy us to make ourselves feel better?

Often we turn to the things that destroy us to make ourselves feel better because they are the short-term fixes that can be easily rationalized without the input of anyone else...or, perhaps, the patience to digest the input of someone who's trying to help you. A couple of examples that come to mind are people involved with self-medication or co-dependency.

It feels proactive to lash out against what we perceive as the root of our/loved one's sufferings.

I do not know the specific details of your situation, however, I know that from my own experience, sometimes it is the very thing that destroys us that makes us feel better. I know that in my past I would do exactly what I knew I shouldn't do simply because the act of doing it felt like a release or escape from what I was going through outside of the experience. I understand that this back and forth may be hard to navigate, but that is why I am here, to help you through it. Could you tell me more about what it is that has you feeling this way? It sounds like you are feeling very torn and I would like to provide some support.

We turn to destructive things to feel better like say alcohol or food to comfort us. Yet we will feel worse because of how we feel afterwards. it is the immediate comfort we seek, however finding a better more holistic way to feel better takes effort or we may not have the right support around us to talk about how we feel. Or also maybe taking a walk, a nap, a bath or speak with a loved one who may be willing to listen. It takes a lot from us sometimes when we are not in the right headspace. It happens to many of us.