Why do you hurt yourself more when someone else has already hurt you?

when someone else hurts me i can not do anything about if he or she hurt me when i know its not my fault and they hurt me without my fault so i think i can do nothing with them i mean i can not hurt them back because it will hurt me more so why not hurt myself and it will take away that anger built up inside me because of them

It's actually about recreating the trauma to feel more in control of both events. If psychologically and unconsciously you can convince yourself that you had control over the trauma by harming yourself further, you will have put your mind at ease by subconsciously accepting that you will have more control over future traumatic events, and you may have a shot at continuing your life without ever encountering trauma again– since you're the one that's in control.

When you hurt yourself it's on your own terms. Self harm can also feel like a quick relief at first, and then you become addicted. When you hurt yourself you may feel like you are in control, where as if someone else does it, you may feel out of control.

You feel this way because when you have been hurt you basically 'beat yourself up' because part of you blames yourself for what has happened. You question yourself, should I have said this, could I have done that... You think of every other possible outcome to the situation and this is how we hurt ourselves more. The truth is we cannot control someone else's choices/actions but we always blame ourselves for their choices/actions. Once we accept that that we are not responsible for other peoples and no matter what we would have or could have done differently it is possible their choice/action would have remained the same, then we can stop beating ourselves up and begin to move forward with our lives.

Sometimes, when you've been hurt once, it's easier to think that you deserved to be hurt than to think that somebody decided to hurt you. And if you deserved to be hurt, then you should keep hurting yourself.

When we are hurt by someone, we tend to have a huge buildup of emotions, emotions that tend to lean towards the negative side, such as anger, resentment, annoyance, frustration and so on. When someone is not familiar with coping strategies that can help release those trapped emotions in calmer ways, they tend to find something I like to call "A quick fix"- an easy way to release the built up emotions. And that negative coping strategy usually involved hurting ourself, emotionally or physically,. Emotionally - through guilt and a maintained feeling of pain. Physically some may cope through self-harm or neglecting your bodies needs.

People tend to beat themselves down because the other person that hurt them could've made one feel worthless, unloved, etc. Depending on the person, words and actions can deeply impact how they view themselves.

You feel as if its your fault, and that it will make the pain of them hurting you go away for a little bit when you hurt yourself

Punishment. You feel like you deserve it. The pain throughout the length of time the cut/bruise/burns are there remind you how bad you were.

Sometimes people hurt themselves because they don't want to or can't hurt the person that has hurt you. For example, in the situation of a parent and a child. It's not safe for the child to hurt the parent, and they may believe it is their fault that the parent hurt them, so they feel the need to punish themselves. When we feel rejected, we often assume it is because of something about our character, personality, our intelligence, and actually it's about the person who did the hurting. But we don't always know that consciously. Essentially, it hurts to be hurt.

Cause most of the time, if that person means a lot to you, and if they hurt you bad enough, you're likely to put yourself down, and stress over the situation. Whether it be overthinking the situation, or making the situation worse, and in turn, making it harder on yourself.

Because you feel like you may deserve it, that this person acted this way with you because you did something wrong, or even said something wrong, so maybe being treated like that is what you deserve. You can also not be used to get affection and a healthy treatment due to past relationships or even past friendship. Sometimes we get closer to people not healthy for us and we don't want to let go, so we just let them hurt us until either the friendship ends or that you are too broken to do anything. Anyway, you do deserve to be treated right, you are worth it