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What do I say to people that ask about my scars without making them uncomfortable?

237 Answers
Last Updated: 06/09/2022 at 8:17pm
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Top Rated Answers
JasmineSalter
August 5th, 2018 6:32pm
Say I have scars to remind me of the times of hardships and how I have overcome them. If they ask further on, simply say that scars are in the past for a reason.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2018 7:54am
You can just say that they are scars. If you trust that person fully, you can tell them the reason why you have the scars, but it completely up to you. You do not owe anyone the answer to why you got the scars if you feel like it may make you or them uncomfortable.
Anonymous
August 18th, 2018 2:42am
you really owe no one an explanation of anything on your body ever. unless you're comfortable sharing. if they're a human being worth knowing your truths, full of empathy, you wouldn't have to worry about them being uncomfortable. sometimes i put my past in simple terms for people with something along the lines of "at one point i struggled very hard with my mental health" etc etc. but understand you never need to tell anyone anything, its been a personal journey only you have experienced yourself in your own skin. forget judgement, everyone has a vice or a poor coping mechanism at some point in time. as long as they remain scars and not open wounds sometimes thats all that matters to me, personally :)
FoodForTheSoul
July 21st, 2016 5:29am
Scars remain to remind you of the strength of will you possess. Without being too discreet, you could inform your askers that you're thankful you carried yourself through your hardship(s).
RebeccalouiseHaslam
October 12th, 2018 7:38pm
Tell them the truth to why you have those scars, that's what i do and most times, people will support you after they've found out. if you get asked by a little child like i sometimes do just say you hurt yourself in an accident, they won't understand until they grow up so it's best you don't tell children the truth (you shouldn't or they'll probably tell their parents and that would cause a lot of trouble for you if their parents knew you, they wouldn't want their child knowing about self harm at the age of 5 or something) best case scenario: don't say anything, shrug.
Anonymous
October 22nd, 2018 7:21am
Tell them honestly why you don't want it to discuss or share. Think about your good first, it would eventually be good for others as well. Those who care would understand and those who don't, you don't need to worry either. Example, usually its because you are not comfortable to discuss about it so tell them truth that you are not comfortable. Truth is truth even if its bitter. Scratching the scars only wound it more. You don't need to show it to every person. The ones who really care and understand would find it without being told and would try to heal it and not scratch it.
SunshineRosa94
October 27th, 2018 9:24pm
You can tell people, that you have been through some tough times in life and that you have come out stronger on the other side. Some have a tendency to shy away, when it comes to hearing about other people's hardship, but if you make a point out of telling them that you are better and that you are strong, then people will most likely feel more comfortable about it - I'm not sure this is true for everyone of course, but I've seen good responses to this before. I think it does a big difference to make it short and concise, and not oversharing too much.
HopefulRabbit58
January 3rd, 2019 6:54pm
It really depends on how comfortable you are with the person. I have experience with people asking about self-harm scars. If you feel comfortable, or want to do so, you could tell them the truth. You could also tell them that you "went through a rough time". You are also under NO obligation to answer the person. You don't owe them anything. Scars are none of their business, unless you decide that you want to answer. It can be helpful to think up a few 'excuses' for when strangers or acquaintances ask about scars. This could be saying that your scars are stretch marks, or you have an aggressive pet. You are not obligated to give an excuse. You can stay silent. You can tell the truth every time. If the person asking you is a child, then an excuse may be best, as the truth may scare them, and not answering can just lead them to want an answer more. Whatever you decide, self-harm scars are NEVER something that people should shame you for. Scars show how strong you are, for still being here, and fighting your tough times. If anyone decides to judge you for having self-harm scars, then please don't listen to them. They don't undertstand how beautiful you are, and how courageous you must be for showing your scars, which can be terrifying to do. Stick with people who love you for who you are.
Anonymous
January 4th, 2019 6:33pm
Well, to begin, they wouldn't be asking you about it if they're uncomfortable. If someone asks you about your scars, tell them the story of how you get them, how you survived, and how your scars are proof that you're a strong person. That those scars mark the lessons you've learned throughout your life. Don't be ashamed of those scars. Be proud that you've overcome the darkest hours of your life and that you're healed. By doing that, you would become an inspiration for them. A living monument of how mankind can conquer the hardest challenges that the world can give him.
endearingLove14
July 16th, 2016 6:31am
Tell them they were mistakes you made in a moment of hate or hurt if you made them on yourself. If you were victim of something, tell them they're memories of an experience that helped you make who you are. Deep thoughts, but they work..
ayesha3
January 19th, 2019 12:20pm
You don't always have to explain to people, Especially fi you think they won't understand. You can simply reply, "I don't want to talk about it". However, someimes this can make people even more curious. You could say, "I was going through a hard time and this was the way I tried to cope with it. I'm doing better now." Or you could take the humorous approach and say, "I was fighting off dragons!" It might give people a hint that you don't feel comfortable talking about it. If you believe the person may understand, you can explain to them why you harmed yourself.
ClosingBridge
January 20th, 2019 4:41am
Tell them that it's okay that they asked, and that you've been through a rough patch before. If you're comfortable enough, briefly let them know why (depression, anxiety, OCD, eating disorder) but it's okay if you don't want to share that. It can be uncomfortable to talk about your mental health, and it's just as okay to tell them that it was a long time ago and you don't want to talk about it. If they seem understanding, it can be a good opportunity to ask them if they've ever had mental health issues, and turn it into a discussion rather than a confrontation.
moonlightwaters12
March 3rd, 2019 10:24pm
When people point, stare at or ask about your self harm scars it’s incredibly scary and daunting to have to explain where they came from. The best way to respond is to simply say “I was dealing with a lot of things in the past but I am better now”. This way it prevents the person from feeling uncomfortable as they can simply acknowledge that you are okay at this present time, and it prevents you making other excuses which are clearly not the truth. Despite all of this, it is completely up to you to respond to their questions about your scars - it’s your body and it’s more important for YOU to not be made uncomfortable by their stares or questions. Stay safe :)
Spiritualvegan68
March 10th, 2019 7:20pm
based on my personal experience I always tell people the truth. I tell them that I have experienced a lot of difficulties in my life and I have found a way to overcome them. I also tell them that I am on the road to self harm recovery and that I am actively seeking better coping strategies to better my life. I tell them that I am not ashamed of my scars or burns. that they are a part of my life journey and prove how strong I am and how much I fight to stay alive. I am a warrior.
TallFiend720
March 13th, 2019 8:21pm
First I would like to say that having scars doesn’t make you less or more of a person than someone else. It’s easy to overthink it when it’s likely something you see most days. When someone asks about your scars in a serious manner it’s okay to tell them what your comfortable saying. For instance if it’s a friend that knows some background or would like to, you can say that these are from self harm. I had been/am going through a hard time. If it’s someone who isn’t a friend or someone you really don’t want to talk to about these kinds of things, be polite and tell them that. It’s okay to take a stand on either side of the line!
Anonymous
March 23rd, 2019 8:57pm
I have a scar myself, I have had it since I was very young from a surgery that I needed. I was never particularly uncomfortable with it, but sometimes people would stare or talk about it. I found that when I spoke about it and what it came from with them, and they could see that I was not uncomfortable, it made them feel a little more comfortable too. They would ask questions and even share their own scars, some physical, some emotional with me. Sometimes just opening up an honest dialogue can make an uncomfortable situation more comfortable for everyone.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2016 8:38am
you can say whatever you want the way you want. there's no specific way to say something to everyone. people are different. so each one of them need a different talk. the important thing is you feel comfortable when you tell them.
meganfb
April 10th, 2019 7:29pm
Being asked about scars can be an uncomfortable and, oftentimes inappropriate situation. Sometimes people ask out of natural curiosity, other times it may be loved ones who are concerned and want to make sure you are okay. Those who ask difficult questions, often expect difficult answers. It may be helpful to analyse this and stop to think about why somebody is asking you such a personal question and what their intentions are. It is also important to note that you do not have to share anything you are not comfortable with, and it's okay to say 'Hey, I'm not wanting to talk about that'. Your body is your business. In any case, you are entitled to be as honest and to share as little or as much as you like.
OceanRest
April 27th, 2019 3:55pm
I assume that you talk about scars caused by self-harm. I think you will have to consider who the person is in your life and how much you trust this person based on past experience. You don't have to share the same answer with everyone and you don't have to make yourself vulnerable to everyone. If it's someone you don't know well or don't trust completely you might just say something like "it's something sad that happened to me and I don't like to talk about it". If it's someone you've known longer and trust more I would try something to test the water first. First just give them a little information and see how they react to that. Again, your past experience with them will be a good indicator of what you can share safely. You might start by saying something like "how well do you understand depression/anxiety" or whatever else you are struggling with in addition to your self-harm. If they react well, tell them a little more. If they react badly, just say you don't like to talk about it. You might be surprised to find that some people (even if they are few) will really be understanding and would want to support you. With that again, go slowly and tell only a little at a time. For example, if ever you need to share more graphic details with them, save that for much much later when they've already proven themselves to you. But you don't have to share anything you don't want to. It's up to you. You are in control of what you share.
rxgdxll
May 2nd, 2019 4:52am
One of the best things to do would be to tell them the truth. But tell them in a way that you feel is sutible. Something like a simple and basic way without going into too many details unless they ask for more than what you have told them. Make sure they understand what you are saying and answer as many questions about it as you can. If they understand it better, they may feel more comfortable around hearing about them. Especially so when it’s somwthinf they understand because you’ve explained it to them in a way they understood.
blissfulVisionary
June 6th, 2019 2:33pm
It is up to you to decide how much information you want to share with others, especially something as personal as this. You get to decide when to share. Telling the other person you decline to answer the question is also valid and should be respected. You should not feel pressured in any way to provide an answer simply because someone is asking. Your feelings are just as important as the next person's so be sure you are comfortable before worrying about whether they are comfortable with your answer. Does this make sense to you? What are your thoughts?
Anonymous
June 17th, 2019 12:03am
I choose to tell people that my body is a book. And everything on my body, is a different chapter or story. When it comes to talking directly about self harm scars, I like to explain that they are ones my mental problems can't show on their own. On a side note I changed my self harm habit to tattoos and piercings because I felt they were a more artistic way of being able to express my mental health issues! Unfortunately, not everyone gets it. Despite all the awareness some still believe we should be locked up and rats to be tested on or at least kept away from society. But explain it in a way that makes you feel comfortable. Not everyone else!
Anonymous
June 21st, 2019 9:52pm
Tell them its an old thing that you are over , that should stop them from asking further questions and it will not make them feel uncomfortable either . But if you feel that you are ready to talk about it but maybe not in this certain place and time , tell them you will tell them all about it im another place im private for it would make you feel more comfortable . And if you felt like talking about it immediately just keep the conversation going and tell them the stories behind them and how it all started.
Yulianaxxp
July 18th, 2019 3:09pm
Try to be honest in your own way. Tell them you went through times when you had some problems and your mind was messed up. But they don't have to worry, because you're trying to change things and you've found your way in life, or you're trying to find it, so you shouldn't be ashamed of your scars because they tell their your story and mean you have survived a very tough and hard war. (And those scars mean a lot, they include a pain, hard times but also they will always tell you that no matter through what you are going, there will always be a better time)
BraveWings116
July 31st, 2019 5:23pm
It is always up to you to share how much or how little information you want about your battle wounds. To me, it matters more that you are comfortable with what you are sharing, than that is it comfortable for the person who has asked. If you feel comfortable telling the truth, go for it. But you never have to share what you don't want to, especially if the person is asking maliciously. However, do keep in mind, that the person may be asking out of concern for your well-being, especially if they think the scars are from self-harm or suicide attempts.
Anonymous
August 17th, 2019 7:34pm
I have to cover up as a part of religion, but when my sister once saw, she asked if I had been switching again. If you're not ready to explain, you can tell a small white lie. I'm not ready yet so that's what I'm going to do, but if you would like to, explain it casually. Lots of have scars, you say yours are battle scars because they are. I would try not to make it a big deal so they don't feel uncomfortable. It's normal having scars, (a lot of people self harm too). It's ok to feel strange or awkward too. Try to do it in a way you are also comfortable. Don't stress yourself out for other's sake.
Anonymous
March 31st, 2021 11:12am
You can say that you have been through a lot and that they are reminders of the battles that you won. It was a time of trouble and that they are there for a reason. Or you can say a cat scratched you and lie about the scars because you may be too embarrassed to say the truth. You can also just give them a random answer so they won’t ask anymore questions and they will leave you alone.
Mimiverse
April 1st, 2021 4:20pm
I think scars are more like stories to anyone who wants to know about them, however, being someone with my own scars, you will meet people who will never understand and you will meet people who will feel sad and not know what to say, however, it may be the way you present it to them. I have lived a good half of my life with scars on my arms and legs and although when I was younger, I tried to cover them up or laugh them off, but growing up I realized those moments did make me who I am today. I still tell people that they are my own life lessons and I'm okay with them now.
Anonymous
May 9th, 2021 11:53pm
Being honest, but gentle, is one way to go! If it makes you uncomfortable, you can generally express how you struggled with unhealthy coping mechanisms in the past, or, if the conversation warrants it, you can also specifically discuss your past with self-harm. You don't have to go into graphic detail, both because it may be uncomfortable or triggering for yourself, or uncomfortable for the other person, but there's nothing wrong with a genuine response. If someone inquired about your scars, it's not wrong to give an honest answer -- scars are nothing to be ashamed of, and are an indication of your strength in overcoming something that you've struggled with in the past.
Iheartguineapigs
March 26th, 2021 8:51pm
With scars on the body it can be very hard to have people see them. If can be hard to explain. A way around this could be saying "I don't feel like talking about it." It gives you less pressure- you don't have to lie and do not have to directly explain to them exactly what the scars are from. Another way could be to say "I was going through a hard time for awhile but I am feeling better now." With this you don't have to directly say what happened and you reassure them a bit which puts them at ease/