My best friend self harms, and nothing I do seems to get her to want to stop. What can I do?

As hard as is it to accept, often times people will not harming themselves because another person asked them to. The reason they stop self-harming must come from within themselves. It can take a long time for them to fully understand what drives their need to harm themselves, and even longer to overcome it. If you are concerned about your friend and she does not stop harming herself, here are a few tips you can try. 1. Ask her to develop a safe plan with you (if you are comfortable doing so). When she wants to harm herself she calls you for support. When she calls you, you assure her that you will not judge, condemn, or condone her actions, but only listen to what she has to say. Listen to what she says and what she is feeling. A lot of times people harm themselves because they feel they have no one else to talk to. Having someone they can turn to who will not judge them can be a huge help to them in their time of need. 2. If they continue to harm themselves to the point where they are at risk, call emergency services or go to the nearest hospital emergency department. 3. Encourage her to speak to a counsellor to talk about the things she is struggling with. 7 Cups can be a great resource, and in-person therapy is often available to people through outpatient community settings. One of the most important things to consider is that your friend is hurting physically and emotionally, and more likely than not she cannot figure out how to talk about the negative things she feels so instead self-harms. Try and stay non-judgemental, don't condemn or condone the behavior, and always listen to your friend. If you are unsure what to do, a listener on 7 Cups, or a therapist (if you or your friend are over 18) may be able to help.

Hello. Have you tried to get your friend to contact the suicidal help line it’s a great place to start and keep in touch with her daily and remind her hat she is important in your life.

You can’t necessarily “make” her stop. It’s her choice. But what you can do is support her. The process of recovering from self harming is very brutal and emotionally draining. Let her know that you’re here for her if she ever needs to talk. You seems like a very caring person being worried about your friend. Make sure you’re also taking care of yourself. It can be easy to forget to care for yourself when you’re worried about someone important to you. Make sure you’re practicing self care acts every day to maintain and/or help your mental health. Good luck!

Refer her to professionals and crisis lines, and be there for her as best as you can. But also take time for yourself and make sure it isn't affecting you! Let her know that you are there for her whenever she needs you. Check in on her to see if she's doing better, and help her in any way you can, without putting too much pressure on yourself of course. Spend time with her, do things with her that make her happy. Give her hope that self harm is not the answer and that she has a bright future ahead of her.

From personal experience, sometimes telling the person to stop self harming can do more damage, as they may not feel understood even though you may be coming from a place of love. As well, telling someone to stop doing this can make the person self-harming feel dismissed, and guilty for what they are doing and can put them in more of a vulnerable position. Although watching someone you love do this, sometimes it can be better to try and understand why this person is doing this to themselves, and try and give them the compassion and support they need when struggling with this. Remind them that they are loved, they are appreciated! From personal experience myself, it was not one person that told me to stop doing it that made me want to stop, it was the feeling of love I got from others that was the motivation for me to not do this to myself anymore. Sometimes there is not one magical phrase you can give to get them to stop, it can be the support they receive that makes it easier to cope and stop use this as an escape.