Why do I feel rejected by my friends even if there is no evidence for it?
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Last Updated: 12/06/2021 at 8:51pm
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Anonymous
February 21st, 2018 8:13am
Social anxiety can often cause worries to appear seemingly out of thin air. This is because insecurities are based on assumptions instead of reality. Consider trying to examine your thoughts as guesses rather than facts. When one acts as an observer of an emotion rather than the feeler of that emotion, it can encourage one to step back from the "What if?" questions and focus on what is really happening. In general, feelings aren't necessarily right or wrong, so trying to categorize them as such is often more frustrating than anything. Another strategy that may help to consider is taking two different thoughts (eg. "My friends are rejecting me" and "My friends care a lot about me and we mean a lot to each other") as having equal potential to be "true" to give yourself a fresh perspective and provide more positive thoughts to focus on.
Maybe feelings rejected by a group of friends isn't such a negative thing. They might have a very different way of thinking on the matters that you consider important, therefore, you or them might get upset by not being able to understand each other. I admit this is not the best motivation, but I have felt like that, and the reason was something in between that, but I just try to cope with it, since I am quite shy and never was the type of person to make a lot of friends, I simply try not to lose the few I have.
Anonymous
October 24th, 2017 11:54am
Maybe they are not rejecting you and you’re feeling it because of low self esteem? If the feeling is really strong, try to talk to them about it. It might help you. Confronting is difficult but that will definitely help you. :)
It's important that you can see there's no evidence for it even when your brain is trying to convince you otherwise! Perhaps you feel you need something you aren't getting from them, and since you aren't getting that thing, you feel rejected.
This is a very common feeling that I think a lot of us can experience. Sometimes, we can look for things that aren't really there, which can negatively impact our mental health. How you're feeling now is totally valid, and I'm sure plenty of people have been in your shoes. Rejection is a very difficult thing to process, and even if it isn't there, it can feel like a ghost that is hovering over us. Perhaps we feel rejected by friends because of little things they say, do, or perhaps the way they act on certain days. Occasionally, we need no evidence - it can just feel like a terrible feeling that is bottled up inside.
Anonymous
January 4th, 2021 7:48am
It's hard to say without knowing more about the situation. What I can say is that emotions are rarely logical.
If you think there is no evidence to support that your friends are leaving you out, that you're telling yourself a story, I'd look deeper into my own attitudes about myself. For example, if I believe I am no fun to be around, a common thing that may happen is that I might think my friends (and everyone around me) must share this opinion. This is called projection, and is one of many reasoning issues that can make us miserable.
I have felt this way so many times and I will tell you what I learned. I used to internalize it. Eventually, after my therapist convinced me, I asked some of my friends about the way that I felt. I asked if there was something that I was doing wrong. While some said that I just seemed distant and depressed, some told me that it was all me. I was my own worst enemy. It really came down to a confidence issue. Once I started working on my confidence, I became happier and started feeling like I belonged more.
Perception is the key to whether or not we are rejected. Everyone sees things differently. I always give myself time before deciding if what I feel is really accurate or not. It doesn't hurt to step back and distract from an uncomfortable feeling before deciding if the feeling is strong enough to communicate. One great way to do this is to get a better understanding of what rejection means in the context of your situation. You can search for some answers on Google or ask a trusted confidant for some advice. The most important thing is to never settle for reacting on strong feelings until you are sure that they aren't impulses or reactions.
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