How do you tell your friend that you disagree with them without hurting their feelings?
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Last Updated: 05/14/2022 at 2:29pm
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"Hi friend, when you say x, I have to respectfully disagree with you." Make sure that "x" is an accurate restatement, or better, word-for-word parroting, of what they said. Refrain from giving them responsibility for my feelings. Instead of saying, "You say x, which hurts me," you can say something like, "You said x, and I feel pain (or sadness, or anger) when you say that." You can share your emotions without making someone else responsible for your feelings. When someone else feels responsible for your feelings, they can become defensive and that closes down the possibility for communication.
It can help to show a diplomatic approach to these kind of situations and make it known that what you're saying is an opinion of your own and you're not trying to change their point of view. It can help to say phrases such as "In my opinion, I think that..." and "While I respect your choices, I think there may be a better alternative" and letting them know that no matter what decisions they make, you'll be there to support them. It can be hard especially if they tend to be quite sensitive but that's why it's good to use a sensitive approach. I hope this helps :)
Anonymous
May 20th, 2020 1:42pm
I tell my friend that I disagree by simply saying mu opinion. If a person is your friend, he/ she will surely understand or atleast try their best to understand your opinion. I try not to hurt them because that might affect our friendship. I tell them with calmness and try not be rude. I know if I will talk rudely no one will be interested to listen to my opinion. I want to tell them that I disagree and I will tell them. I will try not to expect that they will have the same opinion or will change after listening to me
The wonderful thing about being friends is mutual understandment and learning from one another. It’s great to have different opinions, or the world would not be unique. True friends will cherish you, no matter your disagreements. Part of friendship is accepting those differences. That is how your friendship grows. If you had similar opinions, life would not be as exciting. As your friendship grows throughout the years, you will bump heads, but you will make it out with an even stronger bond. Friends are there to help give feedback and advice. To be a lending ear and lending shoulder.
I would try and understand their perspective first. Why do they feel that way? What could've led them to that standpoint? By understanding and taking in their perspective I am also expanding mine. I don't believe that anything in this world is black and white so that we can say that someone is "right" or "wrong".
I would then tell them why I think differently, while remaining on the topic and on them, specifically. Telling them they're wrong doesn't lead to anything, it's much better to let them think it through again by introducing my standpoint.
If we still aren't on the same page, I would gently end the conversation, rather than aggressively forcing my opinion on them. Friendships, like all relationships, are with other people with their own set of opinions and views, we won't agree on everything and that is okay.
I hear, what you are saying, but it's okay that we don't agree on something. It's okay to have different opinions on a subject. I still do care about you and you are a good friend. Thank you for telling me how you feel. Sometimes people have different opinions, and can still care about one another, we shouldn't have an agreement over someone have two different agreements on a subject. Its awesome that we can be mature and honest about how we each feel. It's awesome how we both understand and can listen to one another without fighting. I love you.
My grandmother always says: "You don't have to be disagreeable to disagree." Of course, this is easier said than done, especially when it comes to someone you carer about.
However, it doesn't mean it can't be done. A disagreement doesn't have to be a fight, so the main thing to look out for is the words you use. Using words that come across as attacking words can make it very difficult to disagree with someone. For example:
"Your idea isn't right." vs. "I feel that perhaps there's more to it."
Using "I feel..." automatically softens that blow, as you're not disregarding your friend's opinion and at the same time, you're making it clear that what's going to follow is your beliefs, not theirs. So, be aware of the words you use. You can even sit down beforehand and write a few sentences out, asking yourself how you'd feel if someone said them to you.
Also, timing is everything. If your friends are in a bad mood, they'll likely feel offended regardless of what you say. So, be careful of the when and where of the talk. This can make things difficult as sometimes it takes forever for a good time to come.
One last thing. Keep in mind that sometimes your friend might fight back even if you've been very kind about disagreeing. This can be for a variety of reasons and likely its because there's more to it than simply you disagreeing with them. So be patient and listen to them :)
Anonymous
July 4th, 2020 1:48am
When I disagree with my friend I first start by listening to them and asking questions to clarify why they have that opinion. Then explain my opinions. I am careful to explain why I have my opinions and that they come from my experiences. Both of us have come from different backgrounds and it’s ok to have different opinions. I explain that I respect their opinion and hope that they respect mine. I think it’s important during the conversation to validate their opinion and thank them for sharing their opinions. If it becomes too heated then I would recommend not proceeds forward with sharing this particular topic any longer making it clear that I care for them and it’s ok to disagree with respect.
I would appreciate their ideas and explore the right side of it. Then I will say, in my side of view I might be add my opinion to yours. I will show how much I respect his idea as well. Sometimes I find it a good idea to find the common ideas between or different opinions, it help to avoid any problems.
I will confirm that I will be there for them whenever they want although I'm not totally agree about their ideas, especially if it's something they take action towards it. I will keep calm even if they get angry.
Your opinion is definitely valued and I hear what you are saying. However, I disagree, would you be open to listening to my opinion? Then we can discuss how we feel about it. Sometimes people disagree but if you look at it from a different perspective it is actually quite interesting to hear others' opinions. There have been many times I've disagreed with friends and in the end, I learned something new. I hope you can see where I am coming from because I genuinely care about what you think and it would be great if we could discuss this openly without argument!
Disagreeing with a friend can cause some tension. I would go about this by using "I" statements, giving points and clarifying, before making your point, that your standpoint has nothing to do with them. If it's something that personally triggers them, I would try not to debate or chat about it but emphasizing your feelings and beliefs as a separate thing and that you still care about them despite not sharing the same viewpoints. Disagreeing might be stressful for them because of how they view it. Therefore, if you disagree with them, it could trigger feelings of not being the same and being on a different page. This matters because friends are normally a group of similar people. Just analyzing.
Anonymous
August 8th, 2020 12:42pm
Every friendship is going to have disagreements. The important thing is that everyone understands that we all have different life experiences so that our views will be different. It's fine to think differently than other people. By all means, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I disagree with my friends on all sorts of topics, but it's a matter of "I hear what you are saying, I do not agree with you, but that's okay. " The focus should be on the overall friendship and allowing room for differences of opinion when respectfully done as opposed to a mindset of "my way is the only or right way, and if you don't think like me then you're wrong"
Anonymous
August 16th, 2020 6:40pm
It's complicated to disagree with someone without some form of conflict, but wanting to avoid hurting them is a good thing. Though I can't answer specifically, like most conversations being respectful and wording your responses to sound as polite and understanding as possible can greatly improve the chances of not hurting your friends feelings. Always take time to understand their point and why they may feel that way before formulating an unconfrontational repsonse giving your own view, however different it is to there's.
Just aim to be understanding and refrain from saying anything insulting or harmful if anger arises in yourself.
Show that you understand their perspective on the topic and present why you disagree, without making it a personal issue. For example, I understand why you believe blue is the best colour, but for me, i like purple because its the colour of my favourite dress.
By showing that you understand why they have that view, it presents respect for their view and so their feelings will not be hurt. It all comes down to choice of words essentially. Hopefully they will understand but then again it comes down the topic in question. If it is something they are very passionate about or something you cannot debate on calmly. Then simply say "i disagree with you on ____ due to ____. But this does not affect our friendship nor the respect i have for you". Hope this helps :)
Be honest! Being honest is much better than not, if you were to lie about your opinion, it may be more hurtful in the end. The best way to say something without hurting their feelings is to be kind, and never enforce your opinion on someone, don't be rude and/or condecending in anyway, just be you and simpily give your honest opinion! If you feel you struggle with this alot you can always talk to me about it. I've struggled with the same issues when I used to surround myself with negative people who suppressed my opinions, however now I've gained the confidence in myself to tell how I see situtations and my opinions and you can too!
Hiya; I'm FrostWire, your supporting listener. Your question is very important. How does one tell a friend that they disagree without hurting them emotionally? Some people are unbothered by criticism an love persuasion if it's coming from a friend. But that's just some, not everyone is the same as another; one has to ask the most appropriate questions mentally an quickly sometimes when dealing with things as such. If one is to slow, you could look like a fibber; if one is to quick, you could look like a know it all. Arguments within relations as friends can very well be both good and bad too. So, i believe we should do our best to steer clear of confrontation if possible. But then theirs a chance of a friend needing a tough friend. Take my own story for reasoning, okay? Me an a friend were living together. This friend of mines has a temper problem to this day. One day as we work throughout the city we came home to the apartment an my friend got into a big argument with his spouse that caused my friend to put a big hole in the wall. I immediately stepped in to address the problem my friend was creating for us because i disagreed with his logic on stress release. One action deserves another. In return for my honesty, my friend left in the car. I was able to patch the hole over time an even teach my friend a new skill.
Make sure that you explain to your friend that you are trying to explain your point of view. Include that this is your opinion and your opinion only. Make sure to use "I" statements and not to use "you" statements. Say things like "I think this because..." or "I feel this way because...". Try to avoid saying things like "You are doing this and it's a horrible idea." It is also important to use a soft, balanced tone so that your friend will not feel attacked in any way by your statement. Try to explain how you could see their point of view and then go on to try and explain yours.
If you put it in a way to only express your disagreement without attacking their esteem, your friend might understand that people can think differently. You may try something like "I think I understand your point and why you think that way, it makes sense and sounds like a good idea. I have another way of seeing this thing, I'm not saying yours is wrong and mine is right, it's just different. What I see is......what do you think?". By saying what you think even if it seems to be totally opposite to what your friend sees, it won't hurt their ego when you don't make it sound like your disagreement is a personal attack to their way of thinking.
Disagreeing with friend(s) can be tough. I'd feel that we may not be fit for each other anymore. But, hey even the closest person and used to be understanding person with me may disagreeing on something. And in every relationship (romantic or not), communication is very important. As you feel it is necessary to say your disagreements, I would say it too. As long as it is good for them and me. I'd say my disagreement in ways that would improve themselves and myself. This quote, "Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier." reminds me on how to be thoughtful in every way.
I'd using the "I think/feel ............. " sentence to communicate my thoughts. It usually works with me. That way, I let my friend know what I think/feel on certain matters without belittle theirs. Ending my opinions with something like, "What you think does make sense (if it really does, you can say it) but I don't really agree on it."
Hope this helps.
Stay safe and healthy.
If one of my friends says or does something that I disagree with, I will address the situation politely. I will not attack them or make them feel like they should get defensive over my differing opinion on the matter. I will say to them, “I hear where you are coming from when you say that, and I understand your feelings and opinions, but this is how it looks from my perspective.†I would ensure that they felt like their feelings were still valid regardless of my disagreement, and I would kindly show them my point of view on the situation.
Anonymous
October 31st, 2020 11:49pm
It it not uncommon to disagree with your friends. Although we share some common interests or values with our friends, we are still unique. Everyone is different. One way to tell your friend that you disagree with their statement is by acknowledging that you two share different opinions. You can first say, "I understand that you feel this way, and it is ok for you to feel that way." Then you can say what your opinion on the topic is and end with "We do not always have to agree on everything we talk about. We have different views on certain things, because we are our own person." Basically agree to disagree.
Anonymous
November 4th, 2020 6:29pm
When we're friends with someone, we care about their feelings and what they have to say. Therefore, it is very common to want to handle conflicts of opinion in a tactful and kind way. If the friendship has healthy boundaries, your friend should be able to recognize that you disagreeing with them is not a reflection on them, and vice versa. People can have different opinions without being in overt conflict with one another, and no one's feelings have to be hurt by the statement of an alternate view point. If you are still concerned that they will take offence to, or be hurt by, you voicing a disagreement, you might try to voice it in a way that is kind, but honest, and gentle. "I feel" statements are great for averting conflict and hurt. For example, instead of saying "You're wrong and here's why" which is likely to put someone in a defensive or adverse mindset, you could say something along the lines of, "I feel differently about the subject" because it's more objective, and that way you can let them know you don't feel the same, but you also don't have to explain unless they ask you.
Anonymous
November 14th, 2020 10:40am
I would tell them that their feelings and opinions are valid and real, but so are mine. Nobody is going to always 100% agree on everything, even the best of friends. Having different opinions is okay, it is what makes us human and different. I would also say that disagreeing on something won't have an effect on the friendship/relationship unless it was something huge such as part of your morals or beliefs, but even then people have differing opinions, it is normal to not always agree with the people around you but rather accept and embrace the differences and support one another.
Anonymous
November 15th, 2020 10:29am
It's important to remember that we are all entitled to our own opinions and that all feelings are valid!
When disagreeing with a friend, be respectful of what they have said - acknowledge their perspective: "I hear you" or "I see where you're coming from". This shows them you have listened and respected their opinion. Then, effectively put your point across as well: "In my experience ..." or "I've come to realize that ...".
Make sure you do not outright disregard what your friend has said or belittle them. It's okay to disagree on certain things. The sign of a healthy friendship is that you are able to value each others thoughts and feelings.
If they are hurt by your disagreement, that's okay as well! You should never have to hide your thoughts from them. Openly discuss what made them upset and why you hold your opinion. A discussion can help clear the air and see things from each other's point of view!
Anonymous
November 28th, 2020 5:41pm
Telling friends that you disagree with them can be really hard. I personally struggle with this as well, so you really aren't alone, and considering that there is a question like this means the you really aren't alone. First, you should be nice about it. Don't make it sound like you are trying to argue with them, and no one wants someone that is arrogant and thinks that they are better or smarter than everyone else. Don't make a big deal about it. Making big deals about disagreeing with someone is one way to make someone mad at you. And if it's something that is really sensitive to our friend, then you shouldn't bring it up in the first place. Sometimes your silence can be very comforting and not hurt anyone's feelings.
A true friend will understand that not every opinion they have is right and true. People have differences, and having a healthy argument within friendships in order to exhange opions are perfectly better. You can tell your friend that if you disagree, you should strat it in a nice and calm way. Explain to her your side, why you disagree and why you think her idea is not appropriate. Communication is must to any relationships and even among friendship. You guys known each other, so I do believe that your friend will never take it in the wrong way. That you just want to express your own opinion.
You use assertivness. You express your understanding of what they're saying with no judegment. You reflect back to them what they're saying, and have empathy, even if your beliefs are completely different. You could say something along the lines of "that is a very interesting perspective. care to listen to an alternative perspective as well?" or you could say something like "i see this in a completely different perspective. i would love to also share with you what this is". as long as I am not being judgemental, harsh, or rude, it is easy to politely let my friend know that I disagree with them.
Use "I"-messages, i.e. stress that it is your opinion. Make sure to state your point without attacking the other person but rather discussing the topic at hand. To avoid offending them also mention that you understand where they're coming from or what their opinion is based on. In case you have professional knowledge and empirical data straight-up disproving said friend, let them know that you're an expert and their claim is solely based on intangible things. However, such opinions do not have to be wrong out of principle. Offer up material to educate your friend if they wish so. Most important thing: Make it about the thing you disagree with and not the person.
I tell them that although I understand where they are coming from, I have had different experiences and believe that something else is more correct. I apologize if it hurts their feelings, that is not my intention. I share what I have experienced and why I believe what I believe. I make sure to listen to their side of the story and what they believe. They need to feel heard too. I usually do not pressure them into switching their opinion, I just focus on facts and expressing why I don't agree with them. I counter their arguments and offer information they may have not thought about or knew about
In any friendship, one must feel free to speak their mind, otherwise it would be considered as dominance and not friendship. But one must bring their opinions to the table without hurting that of others. So before you speak your mind, remind yourself that you are not doing this to be right or prove your friend wrong, you are doing this to simply make your friend see things from a different perspective that they probably did not know of before. Accept their viewpoint if you think it is valid, or politely reject it by backing it with reasons as to why you are rejecting it, for example, 'I respect your viewpoint, but I do not think that is completely right. You see, it does not consider X and Y factors, and for this reason I do not agree with what it is you have to say.' SEE, not too difficult, just realize that your friendship is more important than who is right or wrong, but if your friendship includes completely disregarding your opinions then, FIND NEW FRIENDS!
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