How to stop hating your mother?

An important step towards no longer feeling hatred towards your mother is seeing her as a child and getting curious about her upbringing. When you have a better understanding of the ways that she was raised, and how that affected her as a child, you might begin to empathize with her behaviour. Hatred is a strong emotion. Get equally curious about where that hatred is coming from within you: is it masking hurt? Dissappointment? Can you hold your hatred out in front of you and examine it? Can you have a conversation with it and ask it what it's protecting? If you can have a calm conversation with your mother, try seeing if she has the space to listen to you. Let her know that you are experiencing deep feelings of (betrayal? sadness? remorse? embarrassment?) towards her, none of which you want to feel because you love her. If you are experiencing a lack of safety, also share that you feel nervous even bringing it up to her, but you want to share your feelings because you want to connect. Ask if she is willing to listen to you until you are finished speaking, and then allow her to respond, while keeping calm.

Try to understand her, learn about her, know her story and after that put yourself in her shoes. There have definitely been times when I have felt that I can’t stand talking to my mum but then I always have the realisation, that she is one person who I will miss a lot when they are gone, I know sometimes thinking of the most extreme cases can be rather, confronting and unnecessary but one does realise the true importance of the connection and honestly I think that is what life is about. Every relationship and experience teaches us something and we do end up evolving and become the best version by the end. That’s how beautiful life is

Try to see where she's coming from. Consider what factors might have lead to her acting/thinking the way she does. Maybe it was her upbringing or maybe the society she grew up in. If you see something wrong with it and something you can't ignore, the best option would be to have an open conversation about it. If you see that either of you are willing to compromise, express your desire to change the dynamic and make things good between the two of you. Hating someone takes a lot of energy, even more so if it's someone as close as your mother. HOWEVER, if there are irreconcialiable differences, if you have suffered abuse or trauma because of her and she isn't willing to change then it's hard to stop hating her. Sometimes letting someone out of your life is the best thing to do.

Accepting that parental figures are also only humans who have a life of their own as well as they are really likely to make mistakes - no parent has the key of life, or the right answers and that is something that we need to aknowledge in order to have a more complete view over the situation. Our parents are never willingly hurting us, they are just acting as they think its best for us - their children for which they care. All the mistakes they are making, that cause us to hate them, are probably not bad intentioned!

Realizing that both of you are separated by an ocean of different experiences, years, and points of view is a good place to start. A lot of anger can stem from the desire for someone to change to be exactly what you want out of them. Regardless of their negative or toxic qualities, instead of burdening your continued happiness with hating the parent, just understand you are different people and you can choose to what degree they are in your life. As you grow older you realize that you can create your own perfect family and that it's a privilege for the parent(s) who raised you to still be in your life.

Sometimes our feelings can get the best of us. It can be hard to forgive what has happened to us. Everyone's situation is different, but if a person can find it in their heart to forgive, then it can rebuild and rekindle the relationship with their mother. Mothers raise us and take care of us throughout life, and it is unfortunate when some people are at odds with their mothers. Try to talk with them, try to resolve the issue or issues. Communication is key and it is important to have an open mind. Try to understand one another.

This will take some time, but being able to step into her shoes and seeing things from her perspective might change things. Remember, you do not owe her anything, and if you truly feel like she has hurt you, then communicating these feelings can help her change, and then maybe once you see that she is changing for you, then it might be easier for you to stop hating her. These things take time but i really hope that you get to love her as parents are so important in our lives, but don't feel guilty for how youre feeling because im sure it's for a right reason

She made a mess of things. But people do; what's important is to begin viewing this objectively as opposed to subjectively, not that it's easy to do when it's your own Mum! But by seeing it 'from a distance', you can also start to gain some perspective and this is a very important step in moving on from your hatred. She probably made a lot of bad choices and they may have in some way ruined your life but for whatever reason, she acted in a way that she thought was right at the time, even if she had advice to the contrary. Knowing that you can frame her behaviour in that way, if you choose to, can help you move away from that and into a life where you don't have to hate anyone. Holding onto hatred is genuinely bad for your health, it's seriously corrosive. And also try to remember, you're not her; having slightly or even really crappy parents/guardians is the best lesson you could possibly have in recognising what is right and wrong in life and how you don't have to perpetuate or repeat their mistakes. All the best to you.

Well maybe first you can look at the general issue on why you’re feeling this way towards your mother. Once you’ve figured out why, maybe try seeing why your mother has made you feel that way and whats the reasoning behind it, maybe she doesn’t have any ill intentions and it was all just a misunderstanding!! Perhaps after figuring why you could maybe talk about these feelings out with someone and rationalize it out together, and maybe after some talking you could directly speak to your mother and maybe ask her why she has done the certain things that have made you feel that hatred towards her, And maybe she can understand and explain herself on why she acted that certain way and from there you can both work on growing as people and learn how to improve and learn to understand each other better so that your relationship can become healthier!

As we know, mothers were children before their children. During her childhood there are things that were said to her; inappropriate, unloving, unkind and probably more. Mothers have a tendency of carrying these open wounds into their adulthood. This doesn’t make it right. Despite, how much a mother may want to be the best Mother a child/ren can have. If she hasn’t dealt with her own hurt from childhood or maybe adult challenges, that she may experienced or currently going through. There’s a possibility she’s going to say and do things that are similar to the life she experienced; the same treatment that people have given her. It’s not fair nor right. With understanding about the possibility of her challenges. You can gradually grow to stop hating her.

You can try to understand what she went through and have empathy to what she is going through, that is the ultimate way of understanding, when this is why it is important to give space for great understanding without hate nor resentment, and allow the possibility of moving on with your life whether for a different place, different outcome . Having the audacity to carry your mistakes and move forward is a powerful strength you can have as a human being. And know that the hate will circulate in your life, it will never be resolved with hate, rather choose understanding of why she does what she does.

Recognize that your mother is human like you. Have empathy. If she abused you, used you, hurt you, try to come to terms with why she might have done that. Was she also abused, used, or hurt? My own mother's mother was a narcissist, for example, and in many ways make my mother a codpendent-narcissist-like person, which made my own childhood harder. Maybe there is intergenerational trauma present, and recognizing it and understanding it could be a way to come to terms with how it has affected you in your own life. Alternatively, if the hate is coming from someone more specific, like a specific event in the past, it might be worth either (1) having an honest conversation with your mother about what happened, how you feel, what you would like to see moving forward; or (2) at least talking it out with someone who you trust, who would be supportive of your situation.

Hate is a strong emotion to have towards another person. It must be difficult not having positive feelings towards your mother. One must evaluate the relationship and determine the cause of the emotion and seek out an opportunity to mend the relationship or build it depending on what the circumstances are around the emotion or strain on the relationship. My relationship with my mother is not optimal and I must learn to take the initiative to build the relationship with her even though my first instinct is to cut off communication. Relationships are difficult and we must practice building positive relationships in our lives.