Is it normal to not want to get better?
320 Answers
Moderated by Smita Joshi, BA Psychology / MA / Advanced EFT Practitioner
Updated: Feb 19, 2023
Owen27
on
Jul 15, 2016
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I have felt the same. Sometimes I found that being down only made me want to stay down and listen to sad music. Also people's expectations of you can weigh heavy and having an excuse to not feel as pressured can be comforting. Change is also scary and if you've experienced things that has made you have a consistent mood, lifting yourself up could make you feel like you're lying to yourself.
themoreyoulook
on
Sep 7, 2016
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It is actually normal to not want to get better! First of all, your natural state has been one of unease and despair, and it's natural that you're comforted by this - it's what you've known for so long, and we stay in places we find familiar. Another reason you may wish to stay where you are might be the fear of relapsing after you're getting better; falling back into a dark hole once you're in the sun is definitely scary and frustrating, so wouldn't it be better to avoid the disappointment? Similarly, you may believe that you'll never be happy, no matter what you do, so why even attempt to get better?
But through it all you have to remember that just like the rain always passes and the sun always comes out, so will your sadness pass and happiness emerge - if you allow it. At the same time you have to accept that nothing is permanent, and relapses are normal. Finally, you have to step outside of your comfort zone - because only after you leave this can you begin to grow :)
kaitykait
on
Jul 19, 2016
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Yes it's completely normal. When you are depressed for a long period of time, you may get comfortable and it may feel easier to just stay sad because recovery seems too difficult. That is normal, however if you're able to talk to a therapist or counselor about that it would be very beneficial.
Random28
on
Sep 8, 2016
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I believe we all want to feel better, on some level at least. It's just that there are a lot of things which can prevent a person from doing anything to make themeselves feel better or even want to put an effort in it.
It feels normal to not want to get better because sometimes you've been wanting to feel better for so long, and it feels like nothing you do is working, and you start to feel like that wanting itself is just causing you more pain, that it would easier to just give up.
Getting better is hard. When you're bad for so long, you're used to it and getting better is something stranger and somehow terrifying. However, things which feel normal doesn't mean they're good for us. Getting better is hard, because it's something good. Every good thing in life is hard to reach after all; the hardest the challenge, the better the result. Though it's hard and the easier way seems vetter, getting better is something that we all deserve.
RhinocerosWings
on
Jul 20, 2016
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It's completely understandable to not want to get better. This is all you know. It's all you HAVE known. Change is frightening. But it will be ok in the end. If it's not ok yet, it's not the end yet.
Char1otte
on
Jan 5, 2018
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Sometimes, the thought of feeling ‘better' can raise many emotions and feelings. Feeling ‘better’ may be daunting for some, especially when one has experienced a negative sense of well-being for a long period of time. Being in a negative state of mind, depressed, anxious etc. can sometimes a norm, a comfort, one’s identity, and by feeling ‘better’ this is all taken away. Therefore, it is completely understandable to sometimes have the thought of not wanting to feel ‘better’. I can re-assure you, you will not be alone with this thought!! However, with support, steps, and goals in place feeling ‘better’ can be a very safe and rewarding process. A process that everyone can achieve. I wish you the best of luck with the path ahead of you. Please remember, 7cups is here to support you!
sereneDreamer45
on
Sep 3, 2016
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Yes, that's the biggest barrier to recover. You lose the motivation to get better. You convince yourself that you deserve to feel this way.(you don't ) you get so used to the way you're feeling that you forget who you were without you're illness/sadness. You feel like you won't be the same. I promise, if you can find the motivation to get better, you will do it eventually and you will still be the same person, only you'll have so many more opportunities to show off who you are. â¤
pie
on
Jul 16, 2016
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Normal, yes. But is it healthy? No. Many people feel comfortable in a dark place because they've been there for so long, they are afraid of happiness, etc. If you're feeling like this, though, there is still hope and you CAN get better with perseverance.
Anonymous
on
Jul 10, 2016
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Is it entirely normal to have trouble exercising motivation, telling yourself you will never get better, having personal speech problems.
But there is solutions to this, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGuZVuUBeiQ (cool video I recommend watching), stop telling yourself you are stupid and pathetic, stop telling yourself you can't do anything, stop telling yourself it is impossible to change, because you are wonderful and amazing!
Anonymous
on
Jul 23, 2016
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Sometimes we lack the will to recover or motivation to try, you may feel that its not worth it and find an odd comfort in your own sadness
coolvibes
on
Aug 10, 2016
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with the idea of getting better comes changes and that can trigger the fear of expectations and possibly even failure. Getting healthier is not so, black and white. Itrhink getting healthy means accepting every aspect of one's self. The strong and vulnerable characteristics everyone hold i n their personality. getting healthy does not mean you won't ever revisit the more vulnerable side to yourself again it just means you can navigate that moment more effectively.
SpreadHopelikeFire
on
Sep 9, 2016
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Yeah, it is. Don't you worry about that thought. "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness" - it's a true statement.
Remina
on
Jul 10, 2016
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Yes. It is normal to not want to get better. It is considered learned helplessness. You are used to where you are and you know nothing else and you really don't want to make another change.
Anonymous
on
Jul 24, 2016
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Yes. It is normal to not want to get better. Humans are creatures of habit. It seems you have got stuck in a stagnation habit. You may have become comfortable being stagnant and you don't want to get better because of this.
Anonymous
on
Dec 9, 2016
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Sure! A lot of people, especially people who are struggling with long-term illness or anguish go back-and-forth in their will and motivation to improve their well-being. Persevering is hard, even if you have the tools to get by with. We are human and we are each very different with different strengths and weaknesses, and comparing our lives to each others to determine a normality is just not fair to anyone. Normal is anything but, and every individual has a different definition of what normal means to them. How do you define 'normal'? Looking further into yourself for clues as to who you are can help you grow into yourself in a more natural way without feeling as though it's being forced. Why do you think you don't want to get better? Do you consistently not want to get better? When was the last time you wanted to get better, and how did you feel then? How do you feel when you imagine yourself 'better'? Why do you feel that way? Remember, because we are individuals it is okay for us to 'get better' at our own pace, and that may mean taking a break from trying to be better now and then too if that's what is needed. Good luck soul-searching and good on you for reaching out and asking such a great question.
LondynRose
on
Jul 10, 2016
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It is normal not to want to get better. When you have been unwell for a while you end up getting used to that way of life and it feels safe. The fear of the unknown makes us want to stay in our comfort zone.
listeningsinger1001
on
Jul 11, 2016
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Yes. Yes it is. Sometimes you need to have a piece of you locked away hidden in sight that only you know about. And that is when you have it. And maybe that part of you will never be better. But it will always be there for you to look at and to have to help you when you do want to be better again.
Blynng
on
Jul 13, 2016
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It is rather common for people to not want to get better, actually. Our minds and our bodies are structured in such a way that they are accustomed to habits. After a while, the idea of trying to get better and failing to get better becomes scarier than not trying at all. This is a sense of anxiety that a lot of people feel when it comes to the idea of hope; hope is a very scary thing to have! Sometimes, though, we have to walk the steps of what we know we need, and not what we want to need.
RachelWantsToMakeADifference
on
Mar 10, 2017
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Of course it is! The thing about mental illness is that its insidious, and sneaky. My various illnesses told me that that's how I was gonna feel forever, and I believed it. Sometimes you get to used to feeling one way that it becomes comfortable, safe even. You know what to expect and its scary to imagine being any other way, which will cause you to not want to get better. Or not feeling worthy of getting better, or feeling as if your illness is your personality and you dont know who you'd be without it, those are both very common feelings as well; but what needs to be remembered is thats just the manipulative way the disorder can keep you in its grasp, keep you sick. You are not your disorders, you are so much more, and you are worthy of a full happy life.
OpenedEyes
on
Sep 29, 2017
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It's definitely normal but isn't the best idea. After some time of getting used to a certain lifestyle or mindest it becomes familiar, "safe" or easy. It's understand that you would choose something you know, something that feels safe, rather than trying to get betting and getting into new things or trying change. Sometimes staying in the safe zone is a poor choice regarding to how successful or happy you can truly be. Really think about, it's definitely up to you but sometimes what scares you the most is probably the better decision.
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