Perfect therapy for people who need help. I would like to say, I never can imagine it could be possible to heal people like that
Ta
Tania
Moderated by
Polly Letsch, LCSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.
Top Rated Answers
I was cheated on and all I can tell you is that hating yourself is a valid feeling, but not very constructive. Try to work out why you cheated, why you hate yourself for it and try to accept what happened and try to move on. The one you cheated on won't be helped by you punishing yourself through self-hatred.
As humans mistakes (big or small) are bound to happen and it is okay if you made a mistake. Such mistakes doesn't define the kind person you are but helps you learn and grow as an individual. So the question is not 'why did I do it', 'how could I do this' but "what now". Feelings like hatred can never be helpful and so focus on forgiving yourself for happened and moving towards improving oneself.
None of us are perfect. We've all hurt someone in one way or another (not condoning hurting people) but you have to forgive yourself in order to move on and learn/evolve so you can be better. By bettering ourselves, I believe we better those around us too in a ripple effect.
Anonymous
September 1st, 2017 7:05am
Did you have a healthy conversation to clear things out post the occurrence and do these negative thoughts come to you often?
Anonymous
November 10th, 2017 5:36pm
Understand why you’ve made the choice you did. Get to the root of the problem. Genuinely make the promise to not make the same decision and forgive yourself.
It can be very difficult to forgive yourself for cheating, but there may have been a good reason for it at the time you did. Maybe you just wanted to feel love or validation.
If you cheated, that's ok. If you are upset with yourself for doing it then you obviously understand that what you did was not ok and you understand that you didn't like it. An apology is a great way to feel better. Not to the person you cheated on but to yourself. Apologizing for betraying your feelings and for betraying your thoughts. After that, then you should try and talk to the person you cheated on.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2018 12:21am
that's something that can stick with you..but you can overcome this. you may be a love addict, which causes people to do these things. if you suspect you are, attempt to get help by a professional. in the meantime, try and correct your ways.
Acknowledge what you did wrong, and that everyone makes mistakes. Commit to seeking help to address the issues that led to cheating.
Change what you don’t like about yourself.
Be true to who you are and change what you don’t like about yourself.
You need to understand the reasons and paths that lead you to cheat and embrace yourself with your faults and rights. You are responsible for your actions, yes, but we can not choose the environment we grew up which is a great predictor of who we become. I suggest you to try to have an insight about your decision processes. Moreover, it is not always about who we are but sometimes external factors may be effective in what we do. So try to have another perspective on the hatred. Also, remember all your good sides which you love and appreciate about yourself. Know that you are not to be hated.
Anonymous
December 5th, 2018 5:10am
Reflect on the reasons why you cheated on them and then properly communitcate with the partner you cheated on. Maybe seek forgiveness and a second chance. Seek therapy and maybe figure out how not to repeat the same mistake more than once. The partner might understand through proper communication. Maybe try reaching out to support groups and religion and see where that can take you. Time heals all wounds but you don't have to be alone to do it. Family and friends are great pillars of support to. Maybe confide in them. Just remember cheating is a choice not an excuse.
You are only human. And we do make mistakes and we do bad things at times but it does not mean that WE are mistakes our that we are bad. We are worthy and enough. It does not depend on our actions. Rather we can see them as opportunities to grow and to see: Ah, I've been unconscious there. What can I learn from it? Once we learn from our mistakes, they turn into lessons and make us grow. And from this point on it is unlikely we will do it again. So you might want to see this as an opportunity for growth.
Learn to realise that what you have done cannot be changed. There is one of two things you can do, either admit to your partner what you have done and face up to what is going to come from that or... don't tell your partner ansd focus on making the most out of your relationshop now. It's not always about telling the truth because you can then ruin two lives.
If you are no longer in love with your partner and are staying with them simply because you feel sorry for them then don't. Leave them, don't continue because one day it will all come to a head and it won't be a nice site.
Realize what you did wrong and learn from it. Realize the things you did that are keeping you from moving on, the guilt and hold yourself to a higher standard that you will not do it again. There is no point in punishing yourself and hating yourself because you cant change the past, and you're the only one you have to live with. What sense does it make to hate the person you have to wake up to every single day. You're not benefitting anyone by hating yourself. Take it as a lesson learned, and put that lesson to practice so that you never have to feel this way again, not to mention another person.
Forgiveness is hard. But just own the decision that you made and make your peace with the natural consequences of your choices.
Anonymous
February 13th, 2020 6:12am
Learn to accept that you have grown from this experience, a feeling of 'hating yourself' could mean that you don't approve of the behaviour your partook in and would like to change that. This means you have already changed and you have to be willing to forgive yourself before you are able to heal. Remember that everyone will make at least one mistake along the road and that is part of being human. You can always learn and take something away from every experience and in this one it can be a feeling of growth and a want of avoiding that situation again.
Anonymous
February 27th, 2020 8:28am
Work on finding the self you appreciate the most. You will slip up and make mistakes, but finding that average, finding what you makes you happy is the one you want to find. Cheating isn't a permanent mind frame, but it certainly means something isnt right. Solve that problem. find out what it is. Be honest with yourself. You're still a good person and you deserve to get tot he cause of what made you cheat. That's what I did, it took a long time and many different relationships, but eventually getting to know myself better and actually acknowledge my feelings for someone even if they arent positive is what I needed to do. Eventually everything settles and I found that by bettering myself it attracted people that better suited me.
Anonymous
February 27th, 2020 1:43pm
Listening to music or share my story with my best friend. So, that can make me feel relieved that i can tell everything i want in my heart to my best friend. That's why, i want to say thank you for my best friend, how much i love her. I have my family and best friend to comfort, love is like everywhere. So not just being relationship, that's kinda feel weird if we tell that love is for romantic relationship.
Oh, and music... Mostly i will listen to what i liked. Like kpop and pop musics. I listen to them very much.
To stop hating yourself after cheating it is really important to ask yourself why you cheated and be honest with yourself when you answer this question. Often, there will be a reason behind your actions. Once you have identified the reason, you can start to think about how you could handle this situation if it ever occurs in the future. For example - "My reason for cheating is that I was unhappy in my relationship. If I am unhappy again in this relationship, or a new one, I will talk to my partner about how I am feeling and try to find a different outcome". Once you have done this you should try to accept that you cannot change the past and remember that you grow and learn from your experiences.
Cheating can make you blame yourself for your mistake. However, nobody is perfect since they are born. We all go through lessons in our lives; some by trials and errors. If cheating occurred, you might not know better at the time. After you have realized your wrong. It would be the right thing to apologize from the heart to the person who you wronged. Be sincere. Do not expect a person to forgive you right away. This can take time but you do not say sorry to get forgiveness. You do it to free yourself from your past mistake. You then forgive yourself. Telling yourself that now you have learned how your action could cause the pain in the other person. You make commitment to not repeat the same mistake again. You do not need to hate yourself for your mistakes. You do not carry the baggage of your past. You can always realize your wrong, correct it, learn from it, move on and start fresh.
It’s natural to feel bad after cheating. What you need to try to do instead of hating yourself for what you did, is to accept that everyone makes mistakes and bad choices. What really matters is that you realise what you did was bad, and that you need to try and not do it again. Hating yourself isn’t going to fix what you’ve done, but maybe admitting what you’ve done and accepting it, so that you can move past it, might help. I really hope this helps a little bit! Hope you have a good day and stay strong
Learn from your mistakes, learn to know yourself. Usually behind an error there was another error. Don't take all the blame. Just make sure it never happens again. I know what cheating means, I know how bad you are, I know how much you lose the importance of yourself, as if I don't know you anymore. But I want you to know that if you are worrying, if you feel guilty, you are not a bad person, quite the contrary. Don't punish yourself, don't blame yourself for everything. If you are worried you are not a bad person, you have only made a mistake and everyone can commit them. This is because we are humans and humans are wrong. But being human we have the rationality to understand our mistakes and become the best version of ourselves. Everything will improve, work on yourself.
You are a good person full of a spectrum of qualities. And the first step to stop hating yourself and forgiving yourself is to accept that its’ happened and move on. You made a mistake, it has happened and it’s now in the past and is best left behind you. Now you must look forward, not back. Be kind to yourself. Its human nature to make mistakes but one mistake does not define you as a person. If you kept notes of your time with your partner you’d see that you’ve likely done loads of good for your partner more so than bad actions. One mistake has happened but you have lots of qualities and the fact that you want to stop hating yourself shows that you know it was a mistake, so please, be kind to yourself, forgive yourself and look forward. Not back. Feel free to message me if you want to speak :) Take care.
After the act is done and the self hate sets in you have to allow yourself some time to process what happened. Think about why it happened and how it made you feel. If it's something that you may do again and why. Once you understand your motivation behind the action you will be able to forgive yourself and work on a plan to not have it happen again. When you have reached that point then you will be able to better guage if you need to leave the relationship you are in and if it is giving you what you need, or if it is healthy for you.
Anonymous
August 6th, 2020 3:47pm
Acknowledge what you have done, what you have learned from the experience, and how you can move forward. Everyone makes mistakes and you must know that to move forward you must let go of these ill feelings. Be willing to think about your mistakes thoroughly. It may be difficult, but analyzing the actions and feelings that lead you to make cheat may help you better understand that you are not fully to blame and hate. Things happen, if your partner is willing to mend the situation take this time to acknowledge any issues you may have as a team as well as individuals.
First step is to forgive yourself. Maybe forgiveness letter to yourself would help? Think about all circumstances that caused that you cheated. Think in what way it changed your life. What do you need to move forward? How moving forward would benefit your life? It's a process, but starting with forgiveness is a good thing. Remember that everyone makes a mistakes - it's also about taking lessons from it. Experiences (both good and bad) makes us wiser people. It's important that after the mistakes we have to take responsibility, say sorry to the loved ones and to try to built things over again. One situation doesn't determine who you are.
Anonymous
August 28th, 2020 4:11am
The first thing you should know is that cheating does not happen out of thin air. There are some things within ourselves that drive us to take certain actions, and sometimes those actions hurt others. Acknowledging why you cheated and how that affects the people in your life is the first step to healing. Knowing that you've potentially hurt one of the most important people in your life is really difficult to take in, and learning to forgive yourself for it takes time and working on yourself. Oftentimes talking to the person you cheated on and providing an apology or clarity can help with the path to healing and learning from your mistakes.
Acknowledgement first. Know that you can't undo your action it had a negative impact and you can't change that. If possible reach out apologise and be aware they don't have to forgive you but show them that you do not stand by your actions. Be aware to yourself that you have tried to improve your actions but you can't change what's been done. Know that you will do better in the future and that's all you can do. Make it clear to yourself what type of person you are if you need to make improvements make goals on how to achieve that. Most importantly forgive yourself, don't forget what you did, don't do it again but don't hold it against yourself as that's not going to make any progress.
Anonymous
November 18th, 2020 3:52pm
Cheating is difficult to cope with for all involved. I think it is perfectly natural and normal to have a mix of feelings. When it comes to overcoming negative and self critical thoughts, it could be helpful to try to identify causes and effects to why you cheated and then try to see how you can move forward and grow from the experience. Don't beat yourself up. Maybe talking to someone will help, or even journaling to help you identify how you're feeling. Just like with any coping, I believe focusing on moving forward can help you feel like things are improving. Best of luck! I bet you can do this!
Anonymous
December 9th, 2020 7:39pm
Tell yourself to be a better person, you can do this! Don't hate yourself in the first place. You made a mistake, we all do. Promise yourself you're not going to do that. You need to start a new chapter in your life knowing you have change in your heart. Keep on growing, don't stop. Test yourself. Do exactly whatever it takes for you to change. Overall believe in yourself! The first thing you have to do for change is to know you can, yourself! In my opinion, just be a better you, that's all ! Bye bye.
Talk to an expert therapist
Better then I had hoped for very happy
Reviewed Jul 15, 2024
Talk to Joe NowRelated Questions: How to stop hating yourself after cheating?
How to get over someone you have to see everyday?My long-term boyfriend told me that my mental health has affected him and he just wants to be friends as though nothing more ever happened. This really hurts me. What should I do?Can or should I ask my significant other to stop talking and to not associate with his ex? If so, how? How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship?Why are we fighting over small and stupid things?What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?He said I was perfect for him, but he chose someone else?I regret breaking up with my ex. What should I do?How to get closure from my ex? I feel I need it.I love two different people. What should I do?