Feeling awkward sharing this

(As usual I put a TW just in case//)

Hello there everyone. I'm about to share something that makes me feel embarrassed but I need your support. I'm a 17 year old girl. I'm not happy with telling you this but I feel I had too. Males please don't read this, thank you.

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I think I'm hyper romantic, because I start having feelings towers others very soon. (I'm straight) Like sometimes I start having feelings for a boy that I even haven't met before... I stop myself and think logical, but I'm tired of this. I think it's because I was raised with only my family and other girls, I have two +30 brothers but I never had a boy as friend.

So when it comes to teen boys who are Older than me, my mind start playing tricks on me. But I have my rules, I know finding love isn't that Easley, and you probably know what I'm saying.

So I don't do anything stupid out of this feelings, but it frustrated me sometimes.

And I had homeschooling since 3th grade. I want to start participating in social after I turn 18, such as going to a education trip etc. altho I'm not unsocial, but my culture had fawls too. My point is, I'm afraid, what If I'm not ready for this trip? What if I have a break down when I meet a boy on my trip?

How to stop this & grow?